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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ILs dog and young baby

95 replies

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:23

Dd is 4 months and MIL and FIL's dog seems increasingly interested in the noises she makes and nibbling her fluffy snow suits (while she's in them). The ILs laugh off this behaviour and FIL has been annoyed when I've asked if we can put the dog in another room so dd can play on her mat on the floor. I love dogs and have my own but feel really uncomfortable with MIL and FIL's attitude. Aibu?

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 28/12/2014 21:26

yanbu

HansieLove · 28/12/2014 21:28

Let him be annoyed.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/12/2014 21:29

YANBU

It often seems to be dogs owned by aunts/grandparents that snap.

Finola1step · 28/12/2014 21:30

YANBU

fluffyraggies · 28/12/2014 21:31

YANBU
YANBU
YANBU

x 1000

Continue to insist the dog is put in another room while the baby is on the floor.

Whocansay · 28/12/2014 21:31

Your PILs are shockingly ignorant. YANBU. It sounds like the dog thinks your dd is a squeaky toy. Do not put her on the floor when the dog is there.

Sn00p4d · 28/12/2014 21:32

Is the dog supervised closely when with dd? Are you in your house or theirs?
I think if someone came to my house and told me where to put my dog I'd be less than accomodating, and I'm due my first child imminently.
If they're leaving the dog and dd then clearly they abu but if youre not happy ask them to visit without the dog.

Original poster
Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:32

Humphrey I didn't know that. Do you know from experience or is there an article I can read or something? The ILs are generally sensible but act like I'm being ridiculously paranoid. This dog is a greyhound and I know how quickly they can kill small things.

OP posts:
SilenceOfTheSAHMs · 28/12/2014 21:32

Clearly the dog is their baby.

I simply wouldn't go round there.

He can be as annoyed as he fucking likes. I cannot stand this type of dog owner.

raltheraffe · 28/12/2014 21:32

Nibbling suits while a baby is in them is a very worrying sign.

Prior to having my son I worked with abused dogs with severe behavioural difficulties, some of which had to be pts as they were too much of a danger to others.

A dog should have bite inhibition. Mouthing is the first stage in losing bite inhibition.

You should be very worried about this.

Original poster
Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:35

Sn00p this is at their house but I've never told them what to do with the dog, only asked. If somebody came round mine who was scared of dogs or whatever I'd have no problem putting mine in another room (with a comfy bed, water, treat bone, etc., and of course would check on him too, he's my baby just like dd!)

OP posts:
Hatespiders · 28/12/2014 21:35

Are they bringing their dog to yours or does this occur in their home? If it's at yours, you can demand the dog stays at home or goes in another room. If it's happening in their house, you can refuse to go there again until they agree to isolate the dog. Dogs can be unpredictable with children, it's no laughing matter. The 'interest' it's already showing could turn to aggression. YADNBU. Why risk your baby's safety?

Original poster
Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:38

raltherafe I didn't realise mouthing was such a bad sign. My dog mouths adults arms when excited but he's a retriever and very gentle with it. He's also never tried anything like that with Dd. Still, wouldn't leave him alone with her, for his sake as much as hers. Babies obviously don't know how to be with dogs. I'm surprised at the ILs. Like others have said, he's their baby, but I'm still surprised they seem to be putting his welfare above dds...

OP posts:
Anydrinkwilldo · 28/12/2014 21:39

When ds1 was a baby our pup was very interested in him. She would sniff etc but never nibble snowsuits but no matter what we ALWAYS kept control over her. That is a hugely important thing. A dog needs to know a baby is not a play thing etc and that it needs to retreat when told. So YANBU, let FIL throw his strop it's preferable to (god forbid) anything happening to your baby.

workingtitle · 28/12/2014 21:39

I shut my parents' dogs (lurches and a Labrador) out when DS is playing on the floor or eating (in a high chair droppint food everywhere), and he is never left with them unsupervised. They think I'm being totally precious but I couldn't give a crap. I love dogs and I love their dogs, but I wouldn't risk it.

What does your DH say? I find it helps that DH and I have an agreed approach and can back each other up.

SunshineAndShadows · 28/12/2014 21:39

Long term dog owner- rehabilitator and vet here. No dog is ever trustworthy with a child. I would be extremely cautious with a dog treating your child like a squeaky toy - dogs do not understand that babies are human - only that they are warm interesting squeaky things Sad Please keep the dog separate and do not allow them contact on the floor together. Watching them is not enough - it may only take an unexpected movement from the baby to trigger the dog's prey instinct and you will NOT be quick enough. If your PIL genuinely love their dog they won't risk his life or your DD's

SunshineAndShadows · 28/12/2014 21:43

Link to dog bite injury info

fluffyraggies · 28/12/2014 21:44

I love dogs and have grown up with and owned dogs of my own. I also have children.

The feelings of the dog owner (or the dog itself FGS!) are nothing in comparison with the importance of the physical safety of a baby. That is the bottom line.

You can be polite of course, but do not hesitate to stick to your guns OP. Please.

crapcrapcrapcrap · 28/12/2014 21:44

The thing is, tiny babies are not obviously human to a dog. They don't smell, look, sound or behave like the humans dogs have learned to understand. It's not so hard to see why dogs can mistake babies for prey. This is entirely different from the fear-based aggression a dog might show if an older baby or toddler is allowed to interact with them inappropriately.

It seems sensible to keep the dog and baby separate or at least keep the dog on a lead or in another room. It is true that dogs owned by grandparents are statistically most often involved in aggression incidents (factors affecting this include dogs who aren't used to children, homes which aren't set up to keep dogs and children separate, lack of vigilance and failure to interpret signs of anxiety or potential predation).

YANBU to want them to be more cautious. May I suggest that you direct them to have a look at www.liamjperkfoundation.org - it won't be so relevant just now but for future it contains really important information.

raltheraffe · 28/12/2014 21:44

OP some people anthropomorphise dogs and your IL are doing this. The dog IS their baby but ultimately it is not a human it is a dog.
Worse still, a minority of greyhounds have a high prey drive due to their genetics.

HumphreyCobbler · 28/12/2014 21:46

I have no actual information about this OP, other than the fact that in newspaper reports about aggressive dog incidents it seems to be the grandparents or extended family dog that has gone for the child. I have always assumed it was because the dog saw the child as competition.

raltheraffe · 28/12/2014 21:47

I actually think they are unwittingly being quite cruel to the dog. They are setting it up for failure and the worst case scenario is it injures a child and gets pts.
I currently have 2 rescue dogs and 1 puppy. However none of them are allowed around ds unsupervised, even though they have never displayed aggressive behaviour.

fluffyraggies · 28/12/2014 21:49

I would like to second what has just been posted about 'just being in the room and 'watching carefully' is not enough'.

A dog can snap in a split second. If it's going to bite, you may well not get anywhere near enough warning time to move fast enough to prevent it.

Gosh this stuff worries me so much :( So much of it in the news, babies bitten by family dog. A fatality locally recently. So preventable :(

raltheraffe · 28/12/2014 21:51

crapcrapcrap that link is really upsetting. The most dangerous dog I ever owned was an abused Weimaraner with cigarette burns all over her body. I shelled out a small fortune on trainers, psychologists and even did not have her pts when she put me in hospital.
One day she bore her teeth at a neighbour's child and if I had not had her on a lead there is a chance she could have seriously attacked her. Putting her to sleep was one of the saddest things I have ever done, but some dogs are just too dangerous to society.