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AIBU?

ILs dog and young baby

95 replies

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:23

Dd is 4 months and MIL and FIL's dog seems increasingly interested in the noises she makes and nibbling her fluffy snow suits (while she's in them). The ILs laugh off this behaviour and FIL has been annoyed when I've asked if we can put the dog in another room so dd can play on her mat on the floor. I love dogs and have my own but feel really uncomfortable with MIL and FIL's attitude. Aibu?

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Inbl00m · 29/12/2014 12:27

Argh so the talk didn't go well. They pretty much took offence and said it's unlikely anything bad will happen because grandparents don't own aggressive dogs. How do you follow that up??

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KatieKaye · 29/12/2014 12:31

Tell them "unlikely" is not good enough.
That as parents you are going to protect your child from unnecessary risk.

A small child and a dog aren't a good mix. The child can inadvertently hurt the dog by pulling on an ear, tail etc and the dog will naturally turn around and snap.

What is the big deal with putting dog on a lead or in another room?

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marriednotdead · 29/12/2014 12:33

Unlikely is not impossible!

The risk is yours to NOT take.

You understand their love and trust for their pets, but it's not enough to risk your precious child for.

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crapcrapcrapcrap · 29/12/2014 13:03

Wow.

Firstly, there's no such thing as an aggressive dog. Any dog has the potential to be aggressive. Adhesion happens for lots of reasons, with babies who aren't mobile it tends to be predatory, with toddlers and older children it tends to be defensive in nature.

All dogs who bite children were once dogs who had never bitten children.

The following article is not relevant to a non-mobile baby but it is an important point. Do you think they would read it? I also think that there's sometimes merit in being a bit manipulative. I know how that sounds, but I think you can skirt round potential conflict by taking the "I know this sounds ridiculous but please could you humour me, I'm just a nutty hormonal wreck" line. It's not as if you're likely to leave them in charge of the baby, knowing their attitude to safety, so you've nothing to lose really by putting on a facade of being neurotic. Not ideal, but might achieve compliance.

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crapcrapcrapcrap · 29/12/2014 13:04

Adhesion=Aggression!

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crapcrapcrapcrap · 29/12/2014 13:05
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HamPortCourt · 29/12/2014 13:13

YANBU

I am a big dog lover but I would never take my dog to someone elses house where they had a baby or anywhere where dogs weren't fully welcome and I would happily shut my dog in the kitchen/garden whatever for an hour whilst my grandchild visited.

I think you will have to stop going there and if they don't want to come to yours without the dog then that's their decision isn't it?

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OfaFrenchMind · 29/12/2014 13:21

Oohh, overslept, you're a tough girl with a big wild cat... Hmm
At least you are responsible, that's great, but seriously, if it is not domestic, it should not be kept as a pet. That's cruel and a vanity ownership.

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Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 13:59

Op they don't sound responsible dog owners, sorry they do not. As their dog was mouthing your dd, I would'nt take the risk. They cannot be 100% sure that nothing will happen, your baby, your rules. Don't worry about upsetting them, they don't seem worried about your baby or you.

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plinkyplonks · 29/12/2014 14:02

Just don't go over their house. Simples

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SunshineAndShadows · 29/12/2014 14:07

OP I think you and your DH need to have a good talk and present a united front to your PILs. I think the key points are
This is your DD and you are not willing to compromise her safety.

  1. The majority of dog attacks happen in the home/family and so it is important that the whole family is on board with this if they want you to keep visiting with DD
  2. No one is suggesting that PILs dog is aggressive. However small babies are prone to predatory attacks and greyhounds are a chasing/predatory breed. What do they think would happen if their dog caught a rabbit or squirrel? How do they think the dog is able to distinguish a baby from any other small squeaky animal?
  3. You very much want them to participate in DDs life but if they insist on placing the dog's needs above basic safety precautions then contact will have to take place at your home rather than theirs.


Could they have a chat with their own vet about dog baby safety and see what they suggest? It might carry more weight?
Or perhaps they could do some research into safety recommendations for dogs and babies and show you their findings? A bit of reading or research might wake them up a bit

I actually don't think you should take the 'I know we're being difficult/neurotic etc' line - it might pacify your PIL but it won't lead them to respecting you as a mother or a person

For goodness sake you're only asking for them to put in a baby gate or separate the dog to another room. It's not a big deal. But I think this is a big trust issue, if they aren't on board and aren't willing to be educated or sensible I don't see how you can trust them with your daughter.
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Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 14:07

No don't, if you have them to yours, stipulate that they don't bring the dog or its outside in the garden.

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SunshineAndShadows · 29/12/2014 14:11

This is a useful link. It might be worth getting your PILs to read it and consider whether they really have done everything they can to reduce the risk of a dog bite
drsophiayin.com/blog/entry/keeping_dogs_kids_and_infants_safe_in_the_same_household

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fluffyraggies · 29/12/2014 14:59

OP to be perfectly honest if i were you i would simply not take the baby to their house any more. If and when, after a while, they ask why you haven't bought the baby round you can smile and say that it's simply because you wont risk the baby with the dog loose.

End of. As they say.

No need for any more discussion or argument on the subject. If they wish to change their stance and begin shutting the dog away they can let you know.

If they turn up at yours with the dog you can let it in but shut it in another room. If they don't that then ask them to take it home and pop back without it.

Keep this very simple now. The ball is then firmly in their court re: 'confrontation'. There is no confrontation to be had. You've made your decision, and that's how it's going to be.

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nocoolnamesleft · 29/12/2014 15:26

They can choose not to lock the dog away. But you can choose not to take your baby there whilst they are being so irresponsible. I would heartily recommend that you do this.

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overslept · 29/12/2014 15:36

OfaFrenchMind The animal in question was rescued (think circus) and as such could not be released or have a normal life ever again. The best option for him was stability and correct care. Owning a wild animal is not a problem if it is done correctly and all the animals needs are met, it is however incredibly costly and a lot of hard work. It'd not about vanity it's about dedication to the individual animal that is in these circumstances, because of human beings. Vanity would imply I showed him off, in fact only my vet and close friends and family knew he existed.

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ConfusedInBath · 29/12/2014 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/12/2014 16:03

Well confused, then op has every right to refuse to go there with her baby, and they have no right to get offended and complain. Yes it is showing worrying behaviour by nibbling the baby. Why do we have to wait for a accident to happen before taking action, prevention is better. If parents want op and the baby to visit, than they keep the dog out of the way.

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ConfusedInBath · 29/12/2014 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bulbasaur · 29/12/2014 16:14

Mouthing is very much a warning sign. It says "Here's the teeth I have, I'm choosing not to bite you". Our dog did it to strangers that got too close to us as children. Wagged it his tail, was really friendly, but he made it clear the consequences of taking one more step. I would not allow your dog to do this to friends.

DM has a big dog, and we were very careful about introducing her to DD. Though, we needn't have worried. She's very maternal towards her, but we still never leave them alone unsupervised and we don't allow the dog to lick her face. If she ever showed even a small sign of aggression, my parents would give her up in a heart beat as any sensible dog owner around small children would do. They've already said as much.

This dog is already showing aggressive behavior by biting the baby! She is biting your baby while she's in the snow suit. What happens when the dog thinks it's ok to bite your child when DD isn't in a snow suit?

They need to put it in the back room. It is a dog. It is not their baby, it is an animal. It does not get the same rules and treatment as a human, nor should it.

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Stillyummy · 29/12/2014 16:18

I'd ask... how would they feel if the dog bit the baby and had to be pts? I wouldn't let my cat or old horse touch other peoples babies for exactly that reason.

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Bulbasaur · 29/12/2014 16:29

I'd also bring up the fact that they are not cracking down on the dog nibbling on the baby. That sort of stuff needs to be nipped in the bud.

That would not instill confidence that they are being smart about how they watch their dogs or even that they take your child's safety seriously.

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angelohsodelight · 29/12/2014 16:30

Never ever leave the baby alone in that house with that dog and the in laws. Not worth the risk.

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overslept · 29/12/2014 16:51

I'd ask... how would they feel if the dog bit the baby and had to be pts? I wouldn't let my cat or old horse touch other peoples babies for exactly that reason.

Just as a point of interest, cats and horses are exempt from the laws that mean a dog could be put to sleep for biting. With a dog, the owner should be in control at all times, cats however are "free agents" and horses are known to spook etc. For this reason they will not be destroyed for injury to a person, also if a dog causes a road accident, or a horse for that matter, you can be taken to court, so really should have public liability insurance. If a cat causes an accident the owners are not held accountable. You are totally right in protecting babies and children from any animal, but it is interesting that the laws are so different.

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SunshineAndShadows · 29/12/2014 17:09

Confused your perspective is interesting but I'm not sure if you've actually RTFT or the OP properly? This is a coursing breed who is currently not being controlled and being allowed to nibble an infant and the dog owners don't see a problem with this.

Considering that the majority of dog attacks on babies are predatory as dogs do not recognise babies as people and Evidence shows that the majority of dog bite occur in the home by family pets. I don't think a recommendation to keep the dog separate from the baby is 'hysterical' especially as the dog's owners have shown that they are disinterested/incapable of controlling the dog adequately whilst in the room with the baby.

I speak as (non-hysterical) dog owner. I'm glad that your experience was different and you clearly have very tolerant dogs. I would be incredibly cautious if using that experience as guidance for the majority if dog-child interactions

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