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AIBU?

ILs dog and young baby

95 replies

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:23

Dd is 4 months and MIL and FIL's dog seems increasingly interested in the noises she makes and nibbling her fluffy snow suits (while she's in them). The ILs laugh off this behaviour and FIL has been annoyed when I've asked if we can put the dog in another room so dd can play on her mat on the floor. I love dogs and have my own but feel really uncomfortable with MIL and FIL's attitude. Aibu?

OP posts:

Report

Inertia · 28/12/2014 21:51

You are totally not being unreasonable .

Let your I laws be annoyed. Allowing the dog to treat the baby as a toy to be mouthed an investigated would be enormously risky. They are incredibly stupid if they cannot understand the risk.

crapcrapcrapcrap · 28/12/2014 21:54

It's upsetting but very necessary. I direct all of my clients to it. "It'll never happen to me" is a dangerous mindset and that website challenges it without compromise.

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 21:57

Thanks for the links sunshine and crap.

raltheraffe I know what you mean about setting the dog up for failure. I'd never want to put my own dog in a situation where he was later at fault for having done something instinctive.

Aargh, the more I think about the ILs the more annoyed I get. I haven't said anything to them yet because I've been so shocked the three times this has happened. You know when you can't quite get anything to come out of your mouth. DH seems to be on board so hoping he'll say something, though I'm really scared they'll just say it's me being 'highly strung'.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2014 21:58

YANBU!

Your PIL are being very stupid.

Hatespiders · 28/12/2014 22:01

You need to have ready a stern reply if they say "You're highly strung" or any other similar nonsense. Your baby's safety is far more important than keeping them sweet. Be ready to leave immediately if they flatly refuse to act sensibly. Please don't take any more risks.

Salene · 28/12/2014 22:03

Dogs and babies don't mix - end of..!!!

Boils my blood to see people letting babies crawl around dogs. I have a baby and 2 dogs and although my dogs love people are noway agressive in anyway way or form they don't get near the baby and certainly never left in a room alone together even for a spilt second

You in laws need to wise up.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2014 22:08

Op yanbu at all, have them round to yours if that's better, minus the dog. Yes the nibbling of snowsuits is worrying, that could easily turn into a bite next. Their whole attitude shows that they are not responsible dog owners.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2014 22:10

It does not matter how they see you, your child's safety is of paramount importance. You will never forgive yourself if anything did happen.

overslept · 28/12/2014 22:44

I've actually told people not to bring children to my house because they won't be allowed in under any circumstance, I previously owned a large, potentially very very dangerous, wild animal (DWA license, all above board). Why can't they go to yours? I have to say I would put my animals place in the home above anybody who wanted to visit, their feelings or requests, quite simply I would say not to come round if it is going to cause an issue. If it was somebody I wanted to see I would make an effort to go to them.

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 23:06

I guess they could come to ours, and they do, but we've always spent a lot of time at theirs and I thought that would continue as they'd want to spend time with their granddaughter. They live very close so DH and I regularly pop in for cups of tea, etc. They actually bring this dog to ours when they come as well, so although it's our house and our rules, it's not exactly a solution to their attitude. We'll have to speak to them and try and get them to see it's not just me being hysterical.

OP posts:

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 23:08

overslept would you even put your animals above your (possibly theoretical) grandkids? Not judging either way, but might be useful to understand that point of view if so in case the ILs decide that's the case...

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2014 23:08

overslept

Very intrigued as to what this animal you had was!

Inbl00m · 28/12/2014 23:10

Aeroflotgirl that's the thing I couldn't live with myself if anything happened, but it's hard. I don't want to fall out with them for obvious reasons, but they've also done a LOT for us so I don't want to seem ungrateful either.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2014 23:20

Op I would not take the risk, I would rather they be upset and hurt, than your child. On the news, there are so many incidences where children have died after being mauled by a dog, and your in laws mouthing your child is worrying. I am not a dog expert, I have never owned a dog, but it seems like a precursor to it biting or lashing out. That is what others have said it is worrying. And tell them not to bring their dog to your house, it defeats the object, either its outside, or in a certain room but not in the same vicinity as your baby.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2014 23:21

A totally responsible dog owner would understand and not get offended, they would even not bring their dog near your child.

HansieLove · 28/12/2014 23:33

You need to stop them bringing the dog when they come.

overslept · 28/12/2014 23:35

Inbl00m Yes I would put the animals first, the reason being it is their home, I wouldn't expect the rules to be the same if I was to bring my animals into somebody else's house (though that would be very unlikely to ever happen). In the same way nobody would want a person to come to their house who really disliked their child and expected them to be in another room or upstairs, I wouldn't want somebody in my house telling me what they expected me to do. I wouldn't want my animals being disrupted and their routine changing just to please somebody who would only be at my house for a few hours. I don't like the idea that the rules would suddenly change just because a person shows up and comes into their house.

I'm not going to be too specific, but think very large non domestic cat.

Aeroflotgirl · 28/12/2014 23:52

Overslept then op has the right not to come to their house, if they are not going to keep their dog away from their child, they should not get all huffy and come to op house minus their dog.

SorchaN · 29/12/2014 00:06

I know next to nothing about dogs, but I know quite a lot about babies. Babies are utterly vulnerable and entirely dependent on adults to protect them. Your in-laws either don't know this, or have forgotten. If the dog is bigger than the baby, or has more teeth than the baby (I assume almost all dogs would fall into this category), I'd keep the dog well away from the baby at ALL times. If the in-laws can't accept this, you need to keep the baby away from them. Their feelings are NOTHING next to your baby's safety.
Rant over...

Sceptimum · 29/12/2014 00:14

Is the baby old enough that you could time your visits for when they are napping in the pram etc? If you want to keep visiting, and they are unwilling to put the dogs elsewhere, it sounds like you can't let your child crawl or bumble about on the floor.

Jodie1982 · 29/12/2014 00:14

OP if your ILs are going to be so bloody irresponsible about the welfare of their Grandchild, your precious baby, then it's up to you to be the responsible one by keeping your darling baby away from Jaws. So what if they get upset! I'd rather upset my ILs than see my darling babies face or throat ripped apart. I don't understand some people, why wait for disaster to strike, act now and stop putting ur child in that environment, you said it's nibbled your babies snowsuit 3x!!! Once would've been enough for me.

SpicyBeat · 29/12/2014 00:36

You've had some good advice from sunshine and crap. I am a full blown crazy dog lady and would not allow this. If one of my dogs was behaving this way they would be separated without question, either with using a house line or behind a gate. It's not fair on the child or the dog. A dog that is not familiar with babies may not recognise them as a small human and therefore could cause a great deal of harm even with no element of malice. It's utterly naive and irresponsible of you in laws to ignore the risk.

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Leontine · 29/12/2014 00:48

I totally understand where your coming from regarding the safety issues and you are 100% within your rights to insist the ILs do not bring the dog into your house but regarding visiting their house then you don't really get to have a choice in the matter. Of course you can refuse to go there but the bottom line is, it's your ILs house that they share with their dog (i.e it's the dog's house too).

Blondiemama · 29/12/2014 05:09

Absolutely YANBU. I have an 8 MO and a dog and never would allow this. The dog is allowed to say hello to the baby and then she stays well away, she's actually not interested TBH. When other people come round, the dog stays at my side and will not approach any children.

If your in laws are not going to budge, don't go round there. Mouthing would terrify me and I love dogs, there is no way I would allow that.

KatieKaye · 29/12/2014 07:19

Dog owner here: I'd let have the dog in another room to start with and then bring him through on a lead for a few minutes before taking him out for a walk. On return, again he'd be in the room for a few minutes on a lead, before going into another room.

basic, common sense precautions. And I wouldn't be offended if anyone with a small child asked me to put him in another room. It's natural for a dog to be interested but it is up to the owner to make sure everyone is safe and comfortable.

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