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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how you meet a partner

95 replies

blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 16:28

I really want to meet somebody as I want to have children and my own family by next Christmas - or be on the way to it anyway!

Not online dating!!

Any ideas or tips or hints?

OP posts:
cupofsneeze · 21/12/2014 16:33

Get a part time job in a bar!

RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 21/12/2014 16:41

Work in a sociable environment - retail, restraunt trade, big office etc

Smile at everyone

Talk to people in queues or while waiting for a bus

Regular train journey? Talk to the familiar faces

It's amazing what a 'is it me or is this .... Running late' can lead to

championnibbler · 21/12/2014 16:41

They're all online, i'm afraid, so you're cutting yourself off from the best way to find someone.

MisForMumNotMaid · 21/12/2014 16:42

I met my husband online dating Grin.

I know that there are lots of creeps about. Some people are after certain things from a meet up and some people are rude but there are. Lots and lots of people you can filter through.

I read some articles on match.com about seeking the right partner, keeping three people in your eyeline at any one time so if one rejects you/ you reject them theres still other interest, and not just two because you don't want to play them off against each other. It opened my eyes to treating early dating like a business not just an emotional journey. Obviously some people on paper/ online appear all your after but in person theres nothing their, plus a little bit the other way, but essentially you can filter far more people online than in any real life situation.

RoastingYourChestnutsHurtsAlot · 21/12/2014 16:43

Btw I'm another who found their husband online!

Brummiegirl15 · 21/12/2014 16:48

Through friends? Sounds daft but you never know what is happening in someone else's life.

My friend introduced me to her work colleague who was 6 months out of a long term relationship. And we'd been friends for years. Her colleague had just previously been with someone else.

That was 2.5 years ago, we are now expecting a baby and we couldn't be happier.

misskangaandroo2014 · 21/12/2014 16:50

That's a pretty tight timescale! Child(ren) within a year? Even if you met someone AND it was going well it's a bit quick to be thinking very long term.
Start by meeting people you want to date. Rushing headlong into only looking for 'the one' is a lot of pressure!

eckythumpenallthat · 21/12/2014 16:53

My DH worked in bars/nightclubs for 5/6 years before he met me and said it was a nightmare for meeting people/creating some kind of relationship.

We met online

mrscumberbatch · 21/12/2014 16:54

I met mine on a night out- turned out he was a good friend of a friend of mine but we had been going out on alternate nights with them for years...

He actually ended up setting me up with another person... We didn't get together until that relationship had run aground and he admitted his feelings.

I definitely wasn't looking for a relationship at that point- I think the old adage of 'It'll happen when you stop looking' definitely has a hint of truth to it.

Jackiebrambles · 21/12/2014 17:02

I met my DH online. Why are you anti it?

Original poster
blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 17:06

Unfortunately my job is anti-social hours anyway so working in a bar is definitely out!

I definitely don't want to pursue the OD route although I know it can work for some people.

Mrscumberbatch I have been "not looking" for ten years lol! That hasn't been true for me! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 21/12/2014 17:14

Have you tried doing a holiday that's aimed at lone travellers? I did a few in my single days, with the company Explore. Most people were single, of all ages.

mrscumberbatch · 21/12/2014 17:15

Perhaps you've overlooked someone who is currently in your life?
I definitely didn't consider DP as a partner when I first met him.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 21/12/2014 17:19

You want to meet someone and have children by next christmas?

You can see how quick that is surely? You would have to decide and know that the person you met was the the right person and commit to them for life within the next 3 months! Many people dont really know their partners after several years together!

WipsGlitter · 21/12/2014 17:22

Give the op a break - she says on the way to it. I blink she just means she wants to be in a serious relationship.

I met DP through a friend.

DPs brother is single. He goes to bars to meet women. He is still single...

ISolemnlySwearIveBeenGoodSanta · 21/12/2014 17:22

I met my husband through mutual friends kind of. I hadn't been out of a LTR (and had 3?children in tow) for that long and had to let my hair down. Both of us were extraordinarily drunk but got on like a house on fire. He then literally stalked me for a while before I succumbed to his advances! Grin

We've been together for 3 years, have a 2 year old daughter together and recently wed.

stardusty5 · 21/12/2014 17:25

I met my fiance online. I also looked to meet people in 'real life' during the time i was ODing and never met a single person that went beyond one date. Joined a gym, smiled at people, met friends of friends.... Not easy.

Unless you have a specific reason, i wouldnt rule OD out without trying it, sorry!

Emz449 · 21/12/2014 17:26

I met my partner when I worked in retail. It is the best thing that happened while I was working there, HATED it!

Theselittlelightsofmine · 21/12/2014 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andcake · 21/12/2014 17:27

Say yes to every invite you get. Talk or smile to everyone and anyone. Mention it to friends/work colleagues and get them thinking.Get involved with volunteering.

Marylou2 · 21/12/2014 17:31

Smile at everyone.Practise on old ladies and small children.Don't make it too flirty at first. Ask advice from men in the wine section of the supermarket, the paint aisle of B&Q. Art galleries are great too if that's your thing.Bookshops, Hotel Chocolat anywhere that you can chat! My all time top tip is computer fairs on Sunday mornings 1 woman to 50 men.

UngratefulMoo · 21/12/2014 17:31

Bars and clubs are NOT the way to meet a serious partner.

I second PP's suggestion about a lone travellers' holiday tour or something of that kind - you meet people with interests in common and have a chance to spend time together without it feeling forced. (I met my husband while travelling in South America).

Also, as another PP said - just keep your eyes open, be friendly and open to the idea of meeting someone. Don't assess everyone you meet as potential life-partner material straight away. Just see if they are someone you would like to spend time with. I was friends with DH for over a year before we got together.

SorchaN · 21/12/2014 17:35

Online worked really well for me - I was not at all enthusiastic about online dating, but a friend persuaded me to try it, and I met someone wonderful very quickly. If you find the right site it can make things much easier.

motherinferior · 21/12/2014 17:36

Dunno about 'committing for life' but I got together with DP on 27 December 1999 and by Christmas 2000 I was seven months pregnantGrin

fluffyraggies · 21/12/2014 17:39

Skimmed thread:

Jesus - kids on the way by next xmas!? Grin You are going to have to go some pace!

I met my DH through the internet - but not on a dating site. Why are you discounting it OP?

I believe the dating sites you pay for are best. Serious partner seeking. Sorry if it's been said already.

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