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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you meet a partner

95 replies

blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 16:28

I really want to meet somebody as I want to have children and my own family by next Christmas - or be on the way to it anyway!

Not online dating!!

Any ideas or tips or hints?

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 21/12/2014 19:16

I met DW when we both visited the same friend - someone we knew by different connections - in hospital. Bit of a wild card, that!

PBlaarth · 21/12/2014 20:20

Work in a nursing home. This is how I met my lovely DH. Lots of people got together there too. We hooked up in December, got married in July, and I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant. and he's the love of my life! :-) Never been happier, and I never, ever wanted kids/marriage! I'm 34. Funny thing is, two of our friends at work tried to set us up and I declined both times, but we ended up drunk together at Xmas do and the rest is history!! ;-)
Good luck, you'll find someone.

WoodliceCollection · 21/12/2014 20:28

Go and hang about anywhere that has an IT department.

But tbh online is probably safer and less stressful.

Pandora37 · 21/12/2014 20:31

Dance classes? I know a lot of people who have ended up going out with their dance partner.

Big cities tend to have events for single people, I think it's done through meetup.com

I've also known a few people have success on twitter as they end up talking to people who share their interests. No pressure of OLD but you're able to 'meet' a big variety of men.

GloriousGloria · 21/12/2014 20:32

I tried online dating too OP free and paid for

Awful absolutely awful

With the paid for sites I actually felt like I was prostituting myself with the messages I received.

Plus some men are so lazy

I'm single again after having a relationship last year. I didn't meat him online so I'm convinced I'll meet someone again.

GloriousGloria · 21/12/2014 20:34

Oh and two of my dearest friends met online so I know it's not all bad but when it's not for you it's not for you

Shockers · 21/12/2014 20:36

I met DH at church!

Sickoffrozen · 21/12/2014 20:36

Walking Groups are good and healthy. Cycling clubs 90% plus men, evening classes, definitely solo holidays.

greenbananas · 21/12/2014 20:38

I sympathise about online ' it isn't for me either!

I met my husband when I went to the launderette. I was 33 and had kind of resigned myself to being an old lady with cats! I wasn't looking for a life partner that night, I had just gone to get my washing done - but as soon as I saw him I knew we were going to be friends. When he (kind of) proposed a few weeks later, I didn't hesitate. We were married within 9 months of meeting each other. And my mum approved! !

I suppose my point is that you can't plan these things. ... and if you (like me) are not keen on the Internet thing,

dh is not perfect, i am not perfect either, and we have been through some grim times. despite this, I have never for one second regretted marrying him, and we have two gorgeous young boys.

CheeseBuster · 21/12/2014 20:41

Mine works with my friend. He was dropping a USB stick at hers and it was her housewarming so he came in. I have no memory of meeting him or giving him my number but when he texted me the next day my friend said he was a goodun and I went on a date with him. Bit odd as I never give out my number and have never met up with ransoms before.

I know no one bar my mother who has met their partner thought OD. I do know a lot of people who have met hook ups through it though.

greenbananas · 21/12/2014 20:44

Sorry, I missed finishing a sentence in that. ...

Don't push things too hard. You're better off with nobody than with the wrong man. I think it's when you give up looking that you are relaxed enough to make the right decision.

Might be worth asking friends if they know of anyone who would be perfect for you? Sometimes an "arranged" marriage is a mighty good thing. One of the most successful marriages I know was because of pressure put on by friends to go on a date.

Good luck - but please relax and find your own self worth outside of a relationship too. ..

greenbananas · 21/12/2014 20:48

mm, Church is a particularly good place. Lots of decent honest singe men there. .. but about twice as many decent honest single women so not a sure fire thing! . . Still worth a try, and going to church is not a bad thing anyway!

Purplepoodle · 21/12/2014 20:57

In a youth organisation when 14 but best friend met the love of her life 4 years ago through online dating and they have a 2 year old now (she's in her late 30s). She said the secret was to keep it light. She met guys straight after work in a coffee shop. If she liked them she arranged another date. She met her now DH in the 5/6 coffee shop date.

Purplepoodle · 21/12/2014 21:01

She used a local free online site

HeraldAngelSinging · 21/12/2014 21:18

I went with a friend (X) to a singles club. X was looking for someone but I wasn't. After three meetings, I saw him. I knew he was the one. Arranged to meet him at the next club meeting but was nervous, asking X what shall I say to him? What shall I say to him? Answer," Hello Y, how are you?" I kept practising, "Hello, Y, how are you?" "Hello, Y, how are you?"

We were married for 15 years and then I lost him ....

SpringBreaker · 21/12/2014 21:24

"Church is a particularly good place. Lots of decent honest singe men there"

going to church does not automatically make someone a decent honest person

I would not want to use online dating if I were single, its not the way I want to meet someone. I would rather chat to a person face to face without the pressure of being blatently out for a relationship, and get an idea of what the person is really like rather than the impression they want to create to grab your attention..

I also would rather date someone who isnt a complete stranger, as to me an indication of a decent person is when you have mutual friends and they can vouch honestly for them.

Nancy66 · 21/12/2014 21:32

At a wedding. weddings are great for pulling.

walkingcontradiction · 21/12/2014 21:32

I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you

Pensionerpeep · 21/12/2014 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

umbongoumbongo · 21/12/2014 21:43

I don't blame you re online dating. Met ex on there and after 3 1/2 years and realising it was a bit EA and not going anywhere I am back on the market and same age as you.

My confidence has taken a massive bashing over past month or so due to guys who message for weeks then drop out the day you arrange to meet up and generally just mess you about. All of them are only after sex it would seem. The paid site I am on I have had little interest.

I work for myself and friends all have young kids so don't go out any more. It's hard. I'm no supermodel but am relatively attractive and outgoing so I don't know what to suggest as prior to ex I had no luck via joining male dominated gym/sports groups and all the usual places people suggest!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/12/2014 22:00

Join something where there's a lt of men, like a running club. Some lovely, decent men in my running club. And they're fit Wink.

Annafromtheoffice · 21/12/2014 22:07

Might be someone special that you already know? Sometimes it just takes a little bonding to realise that they were right under your nose all along! Why not organise a night out with friends, and maybe ask them to bring one or two people you haven't met? x

MrsMook · 21/12/2014 22:11

I met DH through a walking club. Most of the club have ended up marrying each other or included others for match making. Going away for weekends really helped develop friendships and relationships.

Fanfeckintastic · 21/12/2014 22:14

Drinking in a park as a teen Blush

If I was single though, working in retail would soon see to that!

lollygagger · 21/12/2014 22:16

Speed dating! Fun night out and you get to meet possible partners in the flesh. I met dh this way. He was my hail Mary choice, I thought "what the hell " even though about 4 others struck me first. He didn't even choose me until he saw that I ticked his name. We went on our first date 3 months later after dating all the other choices and have been together ever since.
I found speed dating much less investment than Internet dating as I was getting tired and jaded and it was becoming a chore. Definitely not the right mindset to have when looking for a partner!

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