To ask how you meet a partner

[blueboatinghat]

I really want to meet somebody as I want to have children and my own family by next Christmas - or be on the way to it anyway!

Not online dating!!

Any ideas or tips or hints?

Thanks, some really good suggestions

Watching with interest. I have tried absolutely everything, includ g the not looking bit.

Nothing has worked and I have been single for over 10 years. I

I've been working in retail for a few years and have yet to be asked out.... neither had anyone I work with. I think we would get in trouble. Not hugely professional to flirt with the customers?

Hahaha at all the people suggesting working in retail or a bar to meet a man...having done both I could tell you the number of people who met their long term partner there but it would be a very short conversation

I met my DP through friends. I met all of my ex's through friends bar one who I met online.

Working in a bar I have been accosted buying would never go there!

He was my lodger - i highly recommend it, you get to openly interview them and ask them all manner of questions on their personal habits - and before it turns serious, they pay you rent for the privilege of living with you

Another recommendation for speed dating. At least you get to meet real people rather than talking to a computer screen and it gets you out of the house.

I met DH through a club called SPICE. You have to pay to join and pay for events but, basically, it's a club to meet people who like doing the same thing as you. The person who owns the franchise in your area would organise things like theatre trips, walking weekends, ski trips, restaurant outings. I have been on party weekends, learned how to make chocolates, had a go at abseiling, been to a jazz night amongst other things. You join, pick the things you're interested in and you naturally meet people you have something in common with.

One thing to bear in mind is that means women and men. The people who didn't fit in were those who came specifically to find 'someone'. It'll happen if you are meeting people and are enjoying making new friends and if it doesn't happen you'd have made a new group of mates. We were often invited to parties outside SPICE by people we had met through SPICE and seven of our closest friends (male and female) we met through the club.

DH and I met through them, as friends first, as did six couples I know. Our DS's godfathers are friends we met through SPICE. One of them met his partner through them (different branch) and another met his wife OD but credits SPICE with giving him the courage to try OD.

They have a website SPICEuk. It'll give you more information. They do have very strict rules,one of which is they will end your membership if you pester someone, which I found comforting as you are meeting a lot of people, some of whom don't always realise they aren't God's gift to women (or men)! They also specify that they are not a single club (DH and I belonged to the group until well after DS was born and our friend and his partner are both still members as they enjoy the events) and are not a dating agency but people meet up because they are doing things they enjoy,which automatically gives you a common ground.

They do have preview nights which are free of charge (or were when we were members) and are normally in a pub. They have what we called Club Night at the same time so newbies could meet existing members who, in turn, could meet club friends.

Worth a look if they are in your area and you can afford it. I still look back fondly on my time with them.

Another vote for church here - even if you are atheist!

Many churches are not the stuffy institutions I had always believed - I have found one that is always welcome to newbies, had a lovely carol service and hog roast this evening and messy church with xmas dinner as well as toddler groups. The amount of people - of both sexes - that have introduced themselves is truly staggering and not like the 'real' world. I feel very welcome and its the first time for ages I feel I could belong somewhere.

I met DH while out shopping. He saw me looking at something, started talking about it and then found out we had a lot of similar interests. :)

You go to any clubs (book clubs type, not raves)? You might have luck in places where people of similar interests gather.

I would vote for joining a sports club of some kind. I used to be in rowing club. Lots of people were there mainly to meet new people, and there were lots of fit men. I met DH through my houseshare, but loads of couples resulted from the rowing club.

NOT the church. I dated a priests son and we sneakily listened to the confessions bit once. They are all dirty loons.

Start going to Crossfit. Half my gym appear to be dating each other. It's more sociable than a normal gym as it's class driven and people tend to go to the same classes so you get to know them over time.

I met dh at a girl guide centre. He's a scout

Ahem... I met my OH at work, but never really talked to him until about 3 months after leaving that job. Our relationship started in February this year and I'm now 37 weeks pregnant.
To those posters who believe it's too quick - with the right person you will feel like you have known them whole your life after just 2 weeks. Cliche, I know. Before I met him I was thinking the same. Now I can't imagine growing old with someone else.
And no, I'm not 17 year old. I'm 29 grown up woman with 9 year old DS, so I cannot be blamed for storming into this without thinking.

OP, I think you can do it, just open your eyes and try to talk to people more. Everywhere. Not just work, bars and shops. You'd be surprised how attractive men might find a sweaty woman without any make up working out at the gym for example.

Good luck OP. I think I remember starting a new year with a similar sense of "Right, this will be the year I will sort my love life out" - took me about 5 more years but I got there in the end. I second Spice, a similar concept called Meetup (which I think caters a bit for people who are new to a city), speed dating and activity holidays. A good friend met her husband on an Explore cycling holiday, I made some great friends on similar trips. Exodus is a simlar one. However you do have to be a bit careful as they are not singles holiday companies, they are holidays that cater for single travellers in that there is a group so ready-made company, however in my experience the groups are often made up of couples or people who have partners who don't want to do that activity. So you can end up paying a fortune for the holiday only to find that you are the only single in the group, or all the singles are women. Explore do I think have some departures called Solos which are for single travellers only so those may be a better bet.

However one thing I would say is that making new friends who are couples or other women is not a bad thing at all because they may open up a whole new friendship network through which you might meet someone. I met my husband through a friend I met on a diving holiday - she organised a group night to a beer festival and he was part of the group. She hadn't deliberately thought to introduce us, we were just on the same big list of people she invited.

Speed dating really is much much better than Online Dating -you can take a friend, there is often a general milling about having a few drinks after the formal bit and it's very good use of time because you know everyone there is single, unlike a normal night out in a bar. You'll meet some weirdos but you only have to talk for a couple of minutes and it's quite interesting to talk to people you wouldn't normally pick out from, say, an internet dating profile. There will be about 12 other single woment there too, so new friends to make and safety in numbers. You do have to be thick skinned about it though when you find out if they ticked you.

Do you have any friends in a similar position? Since a lot of findin someone involves getting yourself out thre, it might be a good idea to find a friend and agree to embark on it as a joint project, to keep each other motivated and share stories. Good luck - come back and update us.

I totally get why you wouldn't want to do online dating. I have no interest in it either.

I met my current boyfriend on a random night out - we just got talking to each other and clicked. Not saying it's the best way to meet people, but it is an option.

My best friend met his girlfriend through me - so definitely expanding your social circle, accepting invitations...it took them a few meetings to start hanging out on their own, so don't be too disheartened if things take a while.

Other best friend met her boyfriend at work.

I know people who've met through online dating but it just seems like kissing a lot of frogs to get to a prince. And I'm not THAT fussed about having someone that I could be arsed with the hassle.

I think that helps to be honest. Just being chilled about the whole thing. Easier said than done, I know!

We met through friends. My friend was dating his friend, my friend invited me to dinner with her and her partner, and DH was there too. I had met him briefly before that, but hadn't said much more than hello.

Previous LTRs I met in bars. One I was introduced by mutual acquaintances. But the other chatted me up.

Through work! I was a type of supplier to his company, we had to work closely together for a few months. But that won't be possible for you unless you want a total career change.

It seems to me that more and more couples I know meet through online dating. I went to two weddings last year where I discovered the couples had met that way, I'd had no idea!

Further to my post above, I have just seen this from a PP:

Go and hang about anywhere that has an IT department

...and think it is excellent advice! My DP's company was I.T. based and 95% male. I was supplying a non-IT service, and though the people there were very professional with me, DP tells me now the novelty of a woman coming into the office from time to time got a LOT of attention...

I have a female friend who works in I.T. and does hobby stuff around IT too and has never been short of dates / boyfriends in that massive pool of men where she is one of a teeny tiny amount of women.