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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you meet a partner

95 replies

blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 16:28

I really want to meet somebody as I want to have children and my own family by next Christmas - or be on the way to it anyway!

Not online dating!!

Any ideas or tips or hints?

OP posts:
WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 21/12/2014 17:39

Well getting pregnant is just about the biggest commitment you can make and ensures a lifelong tie to that person, not only for you but for your child. I would call that committing for life.

AnnieLobeseder · 21/12/2014 17:44

I found mine up a date tree in Israel. When I certainly wasn't looking for one. Just goes to show, you can find them in the oldest places. Grin

Original poster
blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 17:46

When I said "on the way" I didn't mean pregnant! Just that I'd like to be in a committed relationship where marriage/children were on the cards in the future if you see what I mean. But I will be 34 this time next year Shock so do need to get a move on.

I quite like the lone travellers advice, that could definitely be a possibility.

OP posts:
Chillyegg · 21/12/2014 17:47

I met my dp on my first night out at Uni, whilst I was having a dance of....he surprisingly took a shine to me!

motherinferior · 21/12/2014 17:50

Well no, getting pregnant - assuming you continue with the pregnancy - is a lifelong commitment to the child, not necessarily to the other biological parent.

I am still with that partner, btw, and we have another child.Grin

Mulligrubs · 21/12/2014 17:53

Met my DP through friends. His group randomly met my best friend through her job in a pub. We'd see each other every couple of weeks while we were out. Then one night we just got drunk and slept together Grin

motherinferior · 21/12/2014 17:53

Actually correct that: deciding to conceive' and/or deciding to continue with a pregnancy^ usually implies a commitment to the subsequent child. Accidental conception doesn't commit you to anyone IMO.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 21/12/2014 17:53

is a lifelong commitment to the child, not necessarily to the other biological parent.

I didnt say it was a lifelong commitment to the other parent.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 21/12/2014 17:55

Well considering that OP fully intends to have a family i would assume that to mean that she would continue with a pregnancy should she conceive.

nightwears · 21/12/2014 17:55

I met DH through an evening class Grin I did a lot of online dating before I met him, and I met some very fun and interesting men, although at the time I was only in it for casual hook ups and you'll end up meeting a lot of men who are like that as well. But that's often the case with RL dating as well.

motherinferior · 21/12/2014 17:57

Actually you said 'know [that person] was the right person and commit to them for life'... All I'm saying is it isn't like that for all of us!

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 21/12/2014 18:01

Yes because that is what OP is intending! To meet someone to be with and have a family. Perhaps i am wrong and she doesnt want a partner, just children.

Concordial · 21/12/2014 18:04

Start planning a big life changing event like emigrating to another country. I guarantee the moment you finalise your plans, you'll have hoards of the buggers at you.
Preferably the day before you leave.

Or just stop looking, they pop up in the most unusual places and circumstances when you're least expecting it.

Not very helpful am I?

NurseDoctor · 21/12/2014 18:10

I also met my husband online! I met ex's generally through friends, or in bars

Original poster
blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 18:15

Haha Concordial this doesn't happen to me! I have honestly spent ages being too wrapped up in other things so in theory I should be fighting them off! Grin

My friends don't really know many single men - there are a lot of us who work in very female orientated professions like nursing or primary school teaching. So meeting somebody is really difficult. I just don't know many MEN!!

OP posts:
Dolallytats · 21/12/2014 18:29

We met at work when he came for a job at the place where I was a receptionist.

22yrs and 3 DC's later we are still doing ok!

BooDidIScareYou · 21/12/2014 18:37

Online here too...why are you so against it? I would say about 50% of my friends have met their other halfs on line, and all (male and female, straight and gay) are totally lovely, normal people.

Shedwood · 21/12/2014 18:38

I second previous posters advice about going to everything you're invited to and befriending everyone you meet.

That way you do lots of interesting things that you wouldn't have necessarily done (I did golf and flotation tanks in my single years) you meet new people and have intersting things to talk about.

If you imagine that each new person you get to know has 50 people (friends, family, work colleagues) they could potentially introduce you to, you can quickly open doors to load of new potential partners that way.

Good luck OP!

Original poster
blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 18:39

Boo - it doesn't work for me. It just wrecks my confidence, upsets me and makes me feel bad about myself.

OP posts:
BallsforEarings · 21/12/2014 18:46

I have a friend who met a lovely, attractive, kind and well-off hubby online dating!

At the same time I have heard online dating can attract men with personality disorders looking for prey so take good care of the 'too good to be true' feeling! I am quite well-informed in the topic of personality disorders for personal reasons, this is informed advice here!

Writerwannabe83 · 21/12/2014 18:51

I met my DH via online dating and I know of two other married couples who met that way too.

I worked incredibly unsocial hotes which meant I could very, very rarely get out and about and as my friends started to settle down and have children I realised even more so how hard it would be for me to meet new people as I had nobody to go out with.

My DH was the 3rd guy I met via OLD.

Original poster
blueboatinghat · 21/12/2014 18:54

It definitely isn't for me but thank you.

OP posts:
IAmLiftzilla · 21/12/2014 18:56

I found online dateing sole destroying too. I know exactly what you mean OP. Two years ago I was in the same place as you, 34, in an mostly/ all female profession, not meeting new people. Now I'm married and we are ttc. I met DH online, I stuck to paid for sites like eharmony where people have to make an effort. Cuts the bad dates down. I treated all early comms like a sociology experiment rather than trying to find a life partner. Sorry you are feeling this way. It's possible though. I'm proof.

IAmLiftzilla · 21/12/2014 18:57

You must be bored of saying OD isn't for you. Sorry.

pommedeterre · 21/12/2014 18:58

Work!

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