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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let ds's grandparents visit Christmas Day?

91 replies

Mumoftwomonkeys1976 · 20/12/2014 17:58

Dp and I separated in October and all is well, very amicable for the children's sake. We have ds1 13 (mine from previous marriage) and ds2 5 together.

The plan was for ex to come over first thing Christmas morning to see kids with open their presents, all well and good as far as I was concerned.

Then ex phones earlier and says that his parents also want to come over on Christmas morning, lovely I thought, until he says that they want to come and give ds2 his presents themselves but don't have anything for ds1 (not their "proper grandson").

I am furious, we were together for 9 years and every year we were together both children got presents from them.

I am furious and have said that unless they bring something for both boys then they can't come over at all. Ex is furious with me because he thinks I'm trying to stop his parents seeing their grandson.

Am I really being unreasonable though, because I know ds1 will feel like shit if they turn up with something just for his brother.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/12/2014 17:59

YANBU. On Christmas morning? Bastards.

I could never behave like that.

Humansatnav · 20/12/2014 18:00

Nasty bastards ! YADNBU

notapizzaeater · 20/12/2014 18:01

Wow, what nasty nasty adults, I wouldn't let them come either

fattymammy · 20/12/2014 18:02

That's horrible wouldn't be welcome at mine either .

Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream · 20/12/2014 18:03

YANBU. If it were me they would not be welcome at all in my home if this is their attitude towards DS1.

Stripylikeatiger · 20/12/2014 18:03

Yanbu. What horrid people, it's bad enough that they would decide to only buy for their biological grandson, but to do that and to then invite themselves over to your house is beyond unreasonable.

BettieLeeloo · 20/12/2014 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bobs123 · 20/12/2014 18:05

Fait enough if they had always only given to Ds2 and not to Ds1, but being inconsistent with kids is very very wrong. YANBU

I do think the ex could put it diplomatically to his dp on how unfait they are being and hopefully they will be more reasonable

flowery · 20/12/2014 18:06

YANBU at all, they wouldn't be coming to mine. How can they behave like that to a child whose life they've been a major part of for 9 years? Sad

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 20/12/2014 18:06

Nope! YANBU. They can be bastards if they want. You sure as hell dont have to facilitate it. They can give DS2 his present the next time he is at his dad's or just leve it with dad.

Theyre a shower of bastards to do that.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/12/2014 18:06

That's awful, its not like he's a strange child, they have been in his life for most of it and have supposidly build up a relationship. You know ds will feel awful if there are presents for his brother and not him, so don't invite them. What does it take to get a small present for him, like a gift card, or a bit of money or something.

grassroots · 20/12/2014 18:06

Stick to your guns. If they can't be nice they are not coming.

MinceSpy · 20/12/2014 18:10

What awful people. Your ex should be ashamed of his parents and not even want to bring them. Stay strong and say no. They can see 'their' grandson when their son has him.

Proudmumof2boys · 20/12/2014 18:14

Even if they agreed to buy DS1 a present too, they wouldn't be welcome after saying that if I were you. Horrible nastiness.

KnackeredMerrily · 20/12/2014 18:16

Wowzers, yanbu!!!

TheBoysMamma · 20/12/2014 18:20

YANBU that's horrible behaviour

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 20/12/2014 18:27

YANBU

To be honest I wouldn't want them there at all now, gift for DS1

Tell DH his parents can have access to DS2 when XH has them but they are not welcome at your home on account of them being utter bastards.

BreakfastAtStephanies · 20/12/2014 18:31

YANBU. That makes me feel slightly ill and sad. Some people are strange at this time of year. I'd suggest they can give their DGS his present when he is with them , don't let them darken your door at all they might ruin your festive mood ????

Original poster
Mumoftwomonkeys1976 · 20/12/2014 18:36

Thanks for all your replies, I have made it very clear to my ex that anyone who visits here with gifts gives to both children or neither.

I didn't think I was being unreasonable, but when someone keeps saying it you start to doubt yourself somehow.

OP posts:
impatienceisavirtue · 20/12/2014 18:38

YADNBU.

They wouldn't ever darken my doorstop again and I'd be furious with your ex for not sticking up for the poor lad. You are one hundred percent doing the right thing.

Ohfourfoxache · 20/12/2014 18:38

Yanbu - please don't doubt yourself.

They would not be welcome in my home at Christmas or at any other time of the year - their attitude stinks.

ZenNudist · 20/12/2014 18:41

How mean. I give presents to anyone we are seeing on Christmas Day, relative or not.

They should bring some festive flowers or chocs for you, gift card for ds1 and lots of toys for ds2.

It's a shame to blow up an amicable split over this. I'm not saying you are at fault but you've responded by being angry, or did you stay calm?

ZenNudist · 20/12/2014 18:42

How mean. I give presents to anyone we are seeing on Christmas Day, relative or not.

They should bring some festive flowers or chocs for you, gift card for ds1 and lots of toys for ds2.

It's a shame to blow up an amicable split over this. I'm not saying you are at fault but you've responded by being angry, or did you stay calm?

londonrach · 20/12/2014 18:45

What awful people. Till the day my gran died she always informed anyone who cared to listen she had 5 grandsons, 2 granddaughters. Age 90 10 years ago she didnt care one of her grandsons was 2 when her son married his mum.

londonrach · 20/12/2014 18:47

My cousin im very close to his wife although there is no blood connection.

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