To not let ds's grandparents visit Christmas Day?

[Mumoftwomonkeys1976]

Dp and I separated in October and all is well, very amicable for the children's sake. We have ds1 13 (mine from previous marriage) and ds2 5 together.

The plan was for ex to come over first thing Christmas morning to see kids with open their presents, all well and good as far as I was concerned.

Then ex phones earlier and says that his parents also want to come over on Christmas morning, lovely I thought, until he says that they want to come and give ds2 his presents themselves but don't have anything for ds1 (not their "proper grandson").

I am furious, we were together for 9 years and every year we were together both children got presents from them.

I am furious and have said that unless they bring something for both boys then they can't come over at all. Ex is furious with me because he thinks I'm trying to stop his parents seeing their grandson.

Am I really being unreasonable though, because I know ds1 will feel like shit if they turn up with something just for his brother.

I will never forget the day that the man I had grown up with, from the age of 1 to 9, as my father (I called him dad too) came to visit and only brought presesnts for my dsis (aged 5).

He was a horrible man. He was very abusive and a large part of my childhood was spent being very afraid of him but he broke my heart. I don't think I had ever cried as much as I did that day.
i just didn't understand why he would do that. I thought he loved me and even though he was an abusive bastard I loved him. As far as I was concerned he was my father.

Even thinking about it nearly 30 years later makes me feel like crying.

YANBU! either treat them the same or they can't come round. What are they planning on doing, ignoring the one that isn't their blood?!

Awful people!

I will say also, that day coloured my relationship with my sister for a few years.
It obviously wasn't her fault in the slightest but I hated her for him loving her (and showing it). I'd spent (nearly) my whole life (at the time) with this man and he couldnt have given two craps about me. this I should've figured out way before then!

I'd hate for there to be any resentment between your children.

This is so sad. Don't have them in your house, there is no need to poison Christmas, it will be upsetting for both the children.

How cruel. How could you visit ANY child on Christmas day and not range a gift. Bastards. And that normally give a gift. Shit badgers.

Yes but they have known tge boy for most of his life, whereas the relationship is different with his paternal grandparents. They do not know and presumably have not been involved with op ds2.

Theironlung . That is why op is protecting her ds1, and should not facilitate any of this in her home.

YAdNBU.

Maybe next time you speak, you could point out that ds1 and 2 are brothers and that ds2 will see what is happening and will side with ds1 against the GP and it will sour their relationship, even if they can't see it now.

I was a 'favoured' grandchild over my younger sister. It hurt me too to see her being treated that way and I was embarrassed being treated that way. Along with several other family issues, my parents ended up NC with my dad's parents for over 8 years. Did us a big favour really, when we both got zilch at least we were being treated equally.

Stand your ground, you are doing the right thing.

They are really mean not to mention rude, to even consider doing this to your dc. I would tell them the visit is off.

You are being perfectly reasonable.

Either they agree to treat both children equally or they don't come to your house. Stick to your guns.

Yanbu. They can fuck themselves on their spiteful bullshit. Good for you for taking none of it. Stand firm.

Yanbu. If he were going to theirs it would be different.

What was DS1's relationship with them like before?

This has made me sad for your son. You have done the right thing though, how nasty that they were going to come to your home at christmas and give a gift to one of your kids but not the other! Who in their right mind would think thats ok?!!

what i don't understand is why your ex doesn't just buy a token present for them too give him. It would solve all the angst.

YANBU. threads like this always make me so sad. As many previous posters have said, it is beyond me how anyone could treat a child like that. Especially on Christmas Day.

I hope you and your boys have a lovely Christmas op. Don't let these spiteful people anywhere near

If they do come they agree that all children in the house are to be treated equally regardless of their relationship with them! If they can't do this then they're not welcome!

It's just foul it really is - absolutely no excuse or justification for hurting a child's feeling like this. He will be feeling out of sorts as it is after your separation, this could make him feel unloved and confused. He thought he was part of their family!!!

I usually say on step parenting/blended family threads that you can't force people to play happy families or think of step grandchildren or children as their own but this is a completely separate issue.

I have a 13 year old son and Christmas and family still mean just as much to young teens as little kids - they could just pick himup a £10 Amazon or iTunes voucher FFS.