To not let ds's grandparents visit Christmas Day?

[Mumoftwomonkeys1976]

Dp and I separated in October and all is well, very amicable for the children's sake. We have ds1 13 (mine from previous marriage) and ds2 5 together.

The plan was for ex to come over first thing Christmas morning to see kids with open their presents, all well and good as far as I was concerned.

Then ex phones earlier and says that his parents also want to come over on Christmas morning, lovely I thought, until he says that they want to come and give ds2 his presents themselves but don't have anything for ds1 (not their "proper grandson").

I am furious, we were together for 9 years and every year we were together both children got presents from them.

I am furious and have said that unless they bring something for both boys then they can't come over at all. Ex is furious with me because he thinks I'm trying to stop his parents seeing their grandson.

Am I really being unreasonable though, because I know ds1 will feel like shit if they turn up with something just for his brother.

YANBU! Dreadful people!

How odd. Not like have to spend lots. Fiver in a card or pound shop. Well there's more acrimony there than you knew, isn't there? Sorry.

Agree boom. It just shows someone as very very petty. I feel sorry for them. Op you have done the best thing for your ds's x

I wouldn't want people like that in my house.

I'm afraid i did respond a little angrily, which I'm also upset about because we have been so civilised so far

Nasty pair of bastards.

YANBU. What terrible people.

How disgraceful!
So they have been his grandparents since your son was 4 and now think they can just stop and it won't affect him at all!
That is cruel. Personally I would stick to my guns.
It's all the children or none.

Nasty bastards.

Stick to your guns.
Did you explicitly explain to these fools how upset your Ds1 would be knowing that he has been treated as a loved and cherished grandson for 9 years and suddenly because his mum and step father have split, he has to suffer the consequences?
Tell your Exdp that no, you are. To stopping them from seeing their grandson, but you are stopping them from upsetting your ds1.

horrid....a toekn gift for goodness sake..how cruel.

no your doing the right thing

There s never a need for grown adults to show such spite, but if they do, it is good that it cegts covered by the flesh?

Well now you know why he's an ex. Defending his parents, just shows how easily discarded your ds 13 is.

v true aero flot, and lets face it, he could also have heard of their plans and got soemthing for older child himself...to be diplomatic or indeed told his own parents to bring something....it never had to even reach ops ears...

I feel that's different Altinkum, this boy was involved in their lives for most of the time. They are coming to the house in Christmas Day with presents for ds2 and not ds1, you don't do that to a child, it's awful. Op knows her ds will be upset by it, so why ruin his Christmas, they can give ds2 their oresents when dad has next contact, not under ds1 nose!

Exactly, just shoes how little he thinks if the boy he helped raise

Wow that's really shitty behaviour! YANBU

If you've been civilised so far and are getting angry about this, surely that must alert them to something? You are right to be angry. You are clearly not usually unreasonable or you wouldn't still be on good terms with them until now.

They need to open their eyes. How could they do that to a child just because of biology?

YANBU. How on earth could they ever think it acceptable to come round to your house and exclude your ds1 from the present giving? They must been deeply mean-spirited. If they want to treat your ds1 as if he was invisible I suppose there's not a lot you can do about it but for sure, they won't be doing it in your house in front of him.

What are people like, I wonder? Even a fiver in a card would be better than what they propose.

Horrible behaviour, and he will notice.

As a teenager, with parents divorced, both remarried and with more children, it really hacked me off that people would exclude me and my brother from Christmas cards, as if only the children of the current marriage mattered. From GPs it's unforgivable.

How will you deal with it when he shows up near to Christmas ad only wants to take ds2 out with him?

YANBU

YANBU. That boy has been a part of their lives since he was 4 years old, and you've only been separated for 3 months. WTF is the matter with them?