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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a thank you?

88 replies

anicesitdownandshutup · 19/12/2014 19:04

I'm on a facebook group for Mums and one Mum was giving out about ex partner criticising their daughter's clothing. The Mum explained on the group how she didn't have money to buy new clothes. I offered to pass on some of my DDs old clothes as I have nobody to pass them on to. The Mum collected the bag of clothes and thanked me at the time but that was that. I would have expected that once she went through the bag she would have sent me a message to thank me.....I know that you don't give to get but there were some really nice dresses and quality stuff in there. I would think that if she wanted me to send her stuff again in the future that she'd want thank me now.....AIBU?

OP posts:

Snoopytwist · 19/12/2014 19:05

She thanked you at the time. That seems enough, really.

PenelopePitstops · 19/12/2014 19:05

WTF she said thank you to your face.

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/12/2014 19:06

Yabu

She had already said thank you.

Did you expect a fanfare or something?

misskangaandroo2014 · 19/12/2014 19:07

I've never been thanked for the stuff I've passed on (4 different unrelated children). Maybe people just don't.

pinkyredrose · 19/12/2014 19:08

I get that you did a good deed but it looks like it was for your own gratification rather than to truly do some good.

CatsCantTwerk · 19/12/2014 19:08

She said thank you. why would you expect another thank you?

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 19/12/2014 19:10

You were thanked.

What is this obsession people on MN seem to have with needing a fucking recorded delivery letter of thanks for every damn thing?

I'll bet you were hoping she thanked you publicly on the group page so everyone could see how wonderful you are

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 19/12/2014 19:11

You were thanked in person, face to face - that is worth so much more than a social media messaged thank you - unless you wanted your largesse to be noted by others in the facebook group.

wheresthelight · 19/12/2014 19:11

She said thank you when you gave them to her. yabu

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2014 19:12

She did thank you though.

Cabrinha · 19/12/2014 19:13

It sounds a bit Lady Bountiful, sorry. You HAD a thank you. Why do you need another one? Quality of the stuff doesn't matter. She already said thanks, and also - she doesn't have much money, maybe she's a bit embarrassed, and not wanting to dwell on it?
But I say again - you DID get a thank you!

steff13 · 19/12/2014 19:15

No, you are not being unreasonable to expect a "thank you." And she did thank you, so, yay.

AgathaF · 19/12/2014 19:17

How much gratitude do you need? If it was such a big deal to you, you shouldn't have passed them on.

royaldavescity · 19/12/2014 19:19

Eh? She did say thank you. Was it not valid because it wasn't over social media? How fucked up.

Evabeaversprotege · 19/12/2014 19:20

What you really mean is you wanted a public thank you.

You offered them publicly, so wanted to be acknowledged.

Yes?

SantasBassoon · 19/12/2014 19:20

You wanted a public thanks on the group thing, so everyone would know you're generous. That's not really how it works.

VitalStollenFix · 19/12/2014 19:20

You got a thank you. you want two thank yous? or a public display of gratitude maybe?

I think you are being unreasonable, yes. She said thank you. I am sure she was suitably grateful for your generosity. Not that a generous act is carried out for thanks, obviously.

missingmumxox · 19/12/2014 19:20

How long exactly does she keep on having to thank you? You know after first one?
what is correct? Facebook? best put it on Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram. Give with grace or not at all.

DaisyFlowerChain · 19/12/2014 19:21

She thanked you at the time and you got to rid out some items you no longer had use for. How much more thanking do you need?

passmethewineplease · 19/12/2014 19:21

YABU.

How many times does she have to say thank you?

SantasBassoon · 19/12/2014 19:21

Why not post on the group asking her if she liked the stuff you have her? Then everyone will know how selfless you are.

snowspot · 19/12/2014 19:23

I'm with the others - YABU. She thanked you at the time. That was enough, no matter how nice the clothes were.

I have always happily given and taken 2nd hand clothes, but once it's out of my hands, I don't consider them my clothes at all anymore. One person did once give me some nice toddler clothes, then tutted all the time if they had sweet potato or mud on them! . She offered more after than and I told her where to shove them politely declined.

Original poster

anicesitdownandshutup · 19/12/2014 19:27

I don't want a public thank you. I only mentioned the facebook group to give context.
I don't know if she went through the bag and thought that it was all unsuitable and so I shouldn't bother passing on stuff to her again. A lot of the clothes were pre loved and it would be nice to think that her daughter might enjoy them as much as my daughter did.
I've received clothes in the same way and have followed up with a message like 'DD loved the clothes and if you ever have anything else to pass on it is gratefully received'.
Maybe it's the lack of a follow up.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/12/2014 19:31

Perhaps she feels embarrassed that she had to accept charity from you.

She thank you once.

You seem rather lacking in empathy however nicely you try and dress it up.

Original poster

anicesitdownandshutup · 19/12/2014 19:31

BTW, I pm'd her the offer of clothes so not sure why people think that I wanted a public thank you? None of it was public.

OP posts:

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