To expect a thank you?

[anicesitdownandshutup]

I'm on a facebook group for Mums and one Mum was giving out about ex partner criticising their daughter's clothing. The Mum explained on the group how she didn't have money to buy new clothes. I offered to pass on some of my DDs old clothes as I have nobody to pass them on to. The Mum collected the bag of clothes and thanked me at the time but that was that. I would have expected that once she went through the bag she would have sent me a message to thank me.....I know that you don't give to get but there were some really nice dresses and quality stuff in there. I would think that if she wanted me to send her stuff again in the future that she'd want thank me now.....AIBU?

Lack of a follow up? You're serious??

Thank you so much for starting this thread op

Also, she has an ex criticising how she dresses her daughter. I think she's got more going on to worry about than thank you cards.

Jesus OP, no wonder some people (like me) have a hard time accepting help during hard times if they're expected to fall over themselves making sure the person who's helped them knows how grateful they are.

pre loved?

you mean used?

She said thanks.

I really don't think follow up is required for a bag of second hand clothes.

Kids don't really 'enjoy' clothes. Maybe when they are teenagers. Mostly they just wear them and get them filthy and rip holes in them when out playing.

Honestly, she's not done anything wrong at all. She said thank you at the time. That is perfectly reasonable.

After your second post, I can see your point a little more OP.

I am a stickler for thank you letters and follow up thanks for things like presents and dinner parties etc. It's basic politeness. So your approach is thoughtful and I imagine appreciated.

Equally, I do think that second hand clothes aren't necessarily a 'gift'. Giving stuff away benefits the giver and the receiver. I wouldn't think that especially saying thanks is necessary. I do, however, enjoy exclaiming over a kids who I've given stuff to if they are wearing an item. But that's it. I guess if you feel as strongly about thank you notes as I do, then I can see your point a little better.

Blimey, you sound hard work.

She thanked you at the time. A second thank you is not called for.

You wanted a debrief?

You wanted a debrief?

Genuine lol at that

YABU, seems as though you just wanted a "public" thank you....

"Lack of a follow up"????? Really?

As my mum would say - "trying to play Lady Bountiful? Not attractive".

You did a nice thing - don't fuck it up by expecting a grovelling muti-thanks to shore up your own sense of how wonderful you are for helping "the poor".

I don't feel strongly about a thank you note. I don't send them myself and I would never ever expect one. We communicated by facebook pm and I hardly think that a quick facebook message is her 'falling over herself'.
I've sent a follow up myself when I received clothes - and my motivation, as well as thanking, was so that the donor would know that I was happy to take the items.
I use the term preloved as some of the clothes weren't worn. There were a couple of Disney dresses in there that my parents bought my DD and they were immaculate. I had thought of putting them up in the attic as memontoes but liked the idea of her daughter having them. Obviously that is my reward rather than a gushing thanks.
IABU

Jesus, lay off you guys, will you? . I would indeed have followed it up with a small box of chocolates or a bottle of wine. What's so hilarious about that? I thought most people would.

Oh just ignore them, op. Some people have fuck all manners.

If you could afford wine as a thanks it would imply you could afford clothes for your kids in the first place...

Ok, so you have different ways of saying thank you then. Personally, if I didn't get a thank you card from a niece or nephew or godchild, I'd be wondering where my DSis (etc) manners were because that's how things are done in our family (like Floggingmolly and her bottle of wine)

What I mean is that we all have different expectations of how we want to be thanked and just because your way is your way, you shouldn't think that she hasn't appreciated what you gave her.
Glad you IABUed yourself, it's hard to do that!

We often get clothes from our neighbour 2 doors down. They have 2 boys who are a couple of years older than my DS. She is often knocking on our door with a bin bag full of clothes for DS. We accept and say thank you, but never follow it up. It never occurred to me to. The clothes are often really good quality as well, some still even have tags on.

YABU

If it's more the fact that the thank you would let you know she or her DD actually liked the items and so you can pass more to her, why not pm her again asking whether she liked them, did they fit and would she like more if you do another clear out? With Christmas just around the corner it is easy to forget to text or email someone to say another thanks when you've already siad it to their face and she can't read your mind to know that a thank you would be the thing you need to know she was happy with the clothes.

When I receive clothes from another mum I give a box of chocs, I thought that was what people did. I wouldn't have accepted anything from this Mum.
Not sure why people think that I wanted a public thank you for a private transaction.

YABU for starting a thread implying that you didn't get a thank you. You did.

Flogging you'd honestly expect a woman who's struggling to clothe her children to follow up a kind gesture by buying you chocolates and wine????? there are not enough forms of punctuation to demonstrate my flabbergastedness

Wasn't the point to do a nice thing?

If so, job done!

Does it really matter how many times she says thank you?

Do you expect a thank you note for the box of chocs op?