To want to smack DH in the face!? In labour

[ImpatientMamma]

I don't condone violence normally but I've been having contractions since 4.10am, currently 5 mins apart and 'D'H has been on the toilet for 40 mins. Where the shitting hell are you !?! Come and hold my hand :-(

(PS this is a partially tongue in cheek post.... But I am going to kill him. What is it with men and the toilet. GET OUT!!!!)

40 minutes?! What is the man doing, carving it into a sculpture?

Still, at least you can't say he doesn't give a shit

Go and check him, if you are really in labour he may be:

• having a panic attack
• taking a nap in the bath

Oh dear, it's all too much for the poor wee thing to take!

Good luck op!

Ooh a live labour thread?? Exciting!

Seriously though - go and roar outside the bathroom door until he comes out. Your DH is obviously having a sympathy poo labour and is to be bawled out for being a diva dealt with briskly.

Tell him to wipe his are and get out there! Good luck (if you can't be unreasonable in labour when can you)

Has he fallen asleep?

Good luck! x

Oh dear god, go ahead and kill him, we'll all stand up in court and bear witness that you were SEVERELY provoked and not of sound mind.

On a different topic: OMG you're having a baby!! Massive good luck!

Very little can be considered unreasonable when you are giving birth. Feel free to drag him out with his pants round his ankles. After all a lot of people will be looking at your fanjo in the near future- he could share the experience

Yay! Live poo birth thread! Good luck OP!

FWIW I nearly snacked DH when he whinged about backache the day after I had DS. The chair on the labour ward was uncomfortable apparently.... (The 20 hour labour was obviously a walk in the park!)

Perhaps he's not ready to push.

Bloody exciting though!
Good luck!

Good luck today just ignore him

He's awake? Blimey. Way better than my ex. Best wishes.

Ignoring the main point of your post totally...

Wooooohooooo mamma. Are you going to do a live birth thread?
And possibly a second one for the poo-baby?

Well make sure that when he does finally give birth to it, you let us know its weight and get a photo of him holding it, wrapped in a blanket, looking exhausted but ecstatic.

We can suggest names. May I start with Jobby, if it's a boy of course.

Your responses have really made me giggle, thank you. He's off the loo; he's complaining that he couldn't go!! Men... Just pulling into hospital car park and he tells me he needs to find a loo when we get in. Contractions 2-3 mins apart now and he's f**king about downloading the parking app when I asked him to make sure he had change. Will. Kill. Him.

Hahaha love it; Jobby

Ooooo live birth thread.

Has DH had it yet?

Mamma YANBU. No one can ever be unreasonable whilst in labour.

Are you going to keep updating us?

Please keep us up to date on the poo labour

Mine 'had to' have a shave and walk the frickin' dog before he took me to hospital.

Hope you're progressing well and DH doesn't miss the birth through being sat on the bog!

My dad refused to take my mum to hospital in the middle of a storm two hours away until he finished checking his emails.

Ooh hope all is going well!
When I was in hospital with our eldest the mw phoned DH (then DP) to come in as I'd started to progress rather quickly - he turned up an hour later (hospital was 5 minutes away) stinking of turps. Just ambled through the door.
I grabbed hold of the collar of his shirt and growled 'where the fuck have you been?' At him and pulled him right down into my face he said afterwards that he thought I was going to go for his throat..
Turns out he's been using turps and had a shower to try and get the smell off him as he knew it made me feel sick...

Pressed post too soon!! Good luck, how exciting!!!

Mine had to record me sitting on the stairs waiting for him to get the bags together to go to the hospital. I wasn't best please. He did also have to have a poo and a shower but at least he was quick!