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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worrying about my fertility?

151 replies

black2cat · 08/12/2014 16:42

I turn 35 next year and it is a concern as obviously I have heard that fertility really drops after 35.

I do really want to have my own children in the future and am worried I won't be able to!

How true is the '35' thing!?

OP posts:
FraterculaArctica · 08/12/2014 16:44

I was similarly worried but conceived the 3rd month of trying, 5 months after my 35th birthday. No problems with the pregnancy or baby.

Original poster
black2cat · 08/12/2014 16:50

Thanks, although I suspect it may well be more like 37/38 + when I'm in a position to try for a child! (I am single.)

OP posts:
Teeste · 08/12/2014 16:51

Nah, the stats the 35 thing is based on are from the 1700s according to many articles online, like this one and this one so don't panic! It may take a little longer, assuming everything else is OK, but it's by no means an infertility sentence. Just one of those medial myth things that everyone, even the NHS, seems to accept.

Foxeym · 08/12/2014 16:53

Hi I fell pregnant at 42 with DC3 after 3 months of trying, many women now are having children in their late 30's early 40's

NotMrsTumble · 08/12/2014 16:55

The stats re fertility over 35 are based on info that looked at total pregnancies occurring across the population at large several decades ago. At that time, most women would have already had (several) children and would probably be actively avoiding pregnancy. If you look at the statistics, the over 35s are one of the groups most likely to seek termination for accidental pregnancy. See telegraph article www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/10838177/Why-fertility-is-far-from-finished-at-40.html

Original poster
black2cat · 08/12/2014 16:55

Ooh I like you lot Grin

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 16:57

Fertility does begin to drop off with age, but the most significant drop is typically over 40. There is a significant amount of recent data to support this.

There is no reason to think that, at 35/36/37/38 etc, you won't have "normal" fertility levels. I would recommend that, if you are concerned at all, that you have a chat to your GP and have early follicular hormone levels done (between day 2 and day 5 of your cycle, day 1 being the first day of full bleeding). It is overwhelmingly likely that these will be normal but it might just put your mind at rest.

Pelicangiraffe · 08/12/2014 17:00

There will be lots of people telling you they conceived when they were 45 but the truth is that new research out this month states that aged 27 you are 10% less likely to conceive then those aged 18-26. The decline in fertility is more prominent aged 35 of course.

Original poster
black2cat · 08/12/2014 17:03

I think the important thing for me is knowing that I can have children - hopefully I wouldn't need assisted conception but if I did I suppose we would have to deal with it. It's horrible thinking I might never be a Mum Sad

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 17:03

I'm not suggesting that all hope is lost at 39 years and 364 days, but please don't rely on anything. I worked in the field for many, many years and lost count of the number of people who would come through at 42+ who thought they had time but tests showed otherwise.

Please don't think I'm trying to be a bitch, but false hope is very, very cruel.

Original poster
black2cat · 08/12/2014 17:05

Well I see what you mean Oh but this is all academic - it isn't as if I'm in a relationship but waiting for a house move before trying. I actually can't try for a baby at the moment.

42 would give me another 7 years Grin That would be nice.

Men are very lucky.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 17:10

You've got a long way to go before considering assisted conception - every chance that even thinking about it will be completely unnecessary!

But bear in mind, way, way in the future, that access on the NHS is, at the moment, patchy. There are different criteria and different policies and, frankly, the whole thing is a fucking mess. This hasn't changed in well over a decade and it's unlikely to change any time soon.

If you meet someone and have been trying for a year and you've not had any success, go to your gp and instigate investigations. Insist on it. I would recommend this to ANYONE, regardless of age. When you see the complexities behind the scenes you understand the need to get a wriggle on.

Annarose2014 · 08/12/2014 17:11

I conceived at 39 within 3 weeks of trying.

BUT I had just had treatment for a problem with my endometrium which was successful, so my womb lining was in perfect nick at the time which prob helped with speedy implantation.

I think a lot of women 35+ have various gynae issues which they may be unaware of & which may affect things. Polyps, endometriosis, PCOS and the like. Most of my friends seem to have a gynae issue of one sort or another at this age, I've found. So be aware of that. Its not neccessarily always about eggs.

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 17:11

Yes, men are bloody lucky Sad

aermingers · 08/12/2014 17:12

Being single doesn't mean you can't have a baby now. You could get treated at a fertility clinic with donor sperm. One of my friends did it and she is very happy. As long as a child is wanted and loved why not? Plenty of Dad's disappear off into the sunset never to be seen again anyway.

Original poster
black2cat · 08/12/2014 17:12

Thanks :)

To be honest I didn't realise the NHS funded assisted conception? I thought it all had to be paid for privately.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 17:14

Also, although it may be academic, there is nothing wrong with seeking peace of mind if you feel it would help you. It may not of course, but if you think it would then have a chat to your GP.

Pelicangiraffe · 08/12/2014 17:14

I conceived aged 27 with ease. I had years of secondary infertility aged 36

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 17:16

They do but, as I say, it's patchy.

There are various different treatments, some are funded as standard, some are funded through standard contracts, some through specialist commissioning and some not at all! It depends on where you live and what criteria is in place locally. As I say, it's a fucking mess Sad

Original poster
black2cat · 08/12/2014 17:17

I don't think it would give me peace of mind at all! Maybe if I was in a relationship it would :)

OP posts:
NewEraNewMindset · 08/12/2014 17:19

I conceived straight away at 37 secondary infertility for me unfortunately afterwards and i am 40 very soon. My sister however conceived both of her children in her forties with no problems.

I think 35 does seem fertility change. It was at that age that i stopped getting period pain and started sprouting hair above my top lip that had never been there previously. There is obviously a hormonal shift that occurs but fertility does not fall off a cliff.

worriedmum100 · 08/12/2014 17:22

You never can tell. I conceived ds at 36 with no problem. We started ttc a sibling when he was 1. That was 2 and a half years ago and we're still trying. I've had several miscarriages, treatment for endometriosis and several goes at assisted conception. It was (and still is) a total shock to me that I'm in this position. I'm 39 in January and in my head 40 is the cut off point . If nothing has happened by then I think I will have to come to terms with DS being an only.

I think my point is you never can tell snd if you're concerned may be worth having some basic checks done to confirm your FSH as a pp suggested and maybe whether you are ovulating. An AMH blood test will also give you an idea of egg reserve but you'll probably have to pay for that privately. If you have any odd gynae symptoms (painful heavy bleeding, mid cycle bleeding etc) get it checked out.

MonstrousRatbag · 08/12/2014 17:23

I got pregnant immediately both times-aged 40 and 43.

From what I hear and read, that's not at all typical.

The key thing is that you don't know where on the spectrum you fall. If you are worried (and even if having a child is not an option right now) I'd recommend finding out what kind of fertility shape you're in. Although that is only worth doing if you are prepared to act on what you find out.

Someone I know (40s) has just had IVF twins using donor eggs and sperm. She is a single parent.

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 17:23

Horses for courses! Grin

Fwiw I worked in the area for a long time, but when it came to applying things to my personal life I backed away more than a wee bit. DH and I tried for over 2 years - my head was telling me to get tested, talk to colleagues etc, but I couldn't do it.

Gah, I should really practice what I preach! Grin

Latara · 08/12/2014 17:23

My best friend conceived at 39 (and is just about to give birth - eek! Exciting!!).. after years of trying & was a week away from starting IVF.

I have other friends who've given birth late 30s / early 40s without IVF.

I understand how you feel & how worrying it is to not know if you are fertile, black2cat because I'm still single, am 38 and desperate for a baby.

I can't choose to be a single parent really because of the MH problems I've had & the financial problems I've got. I really will need the support of a partner.
It's horrible getting to this age when you still feel really young but you know the clock is ticking.