To be worrying about my fertility?

[black2cat]

I turn 35 next year and it is a concern as obviously I have heard that fertility really drops after 35.

I do really want to have my own children in the future and am worried I won't be able to!

How true is the '35' thing!?

You have time.

It is so much better to wait and have a baby with the right person than to have a child knowing it will grow up without a father (of course some children don't have fathers through circumstance, but knowingly placing this on a child is different). Be a mum as part of a couple. Much better for everyone: babies need fathers to be more than sperm.

I was told at 26 I'd never have a baby naturally (or was v unlikely to).

I conceived DD first night we ditched the condoms.

When she was 9m old I went through hard-core chemo for a rare ovarian cancer.

I conceived DS and #3 (currently 36wks) both first month we tried (#3 was a one-shot wonder - first postpartum cycle, no idea when I was ovulating, only had sex once in two weeks (embarrassing but true)).

Yes, younger than 35, but according to medics I should be childless, or at the most only have one child. It's all very personal and individual.

On my 35th birthday I had a big wobble re fertility. Had a heart to heart with then Dp (engaged) started ttc that very week. Exactly a year later pregnant. My GP offered testing 11 months in, cancelled appointment due to positive test.

Good luck op, fwiw I am now 39 and ttc again (coil out). 7 months later nada

I wouldn't want to have a child alone. It's no judgement against those who do but I'm surprised people think I should when I am barely 34.

I would understand if I was 39 but I think I've got a BIT of time!

Fertility does change as you approach 40. I have been through years of assisted conception due to male factor infertility, but I always had clockwork 28 day cycles and test proved I had perfect hormone levels all the way through my 30s. I was very attuned to my fertility.

I had DCs at 35 and 37, albeit via ICSI, but with no gynae issues. I'm 39 now and have come to the realisation that I'm definitely hitting the peri-menopause, erratic periods, dry skin, weight gain, disturbed sleep, loss of sexuality and body thermometer all over the place, so IME fertility can diminish quite rapidly.

Me & my boyfriend have recently had the 'baby chat' and he said he wanted to wait 3 years to start, prioritising a house/some savings etc. I did worry, because 3 years puts me past the dreaded 35 age bracket, I even used the phrase 'dropping off of a cliff' to describe my possible fertility.... But reading through some of these comments has made me feel better!
To be fair, although I'm looking forward to being a mum and have always seen myself with babies, I get a 'kid fix' from my work & friend's children... I don't yet have an all-encompassing need... But I'd like to trim 3 years to 2!!

I had 15 years of fertility treatments that all failed. 2 years of coming to terms with being childess and fell pregnant naturally at 39 and again at 41.

lots of mums I know had babies easily in their early 40's.

I wouldn't panic just yet :)

I was just 27 when dh and I started ttc. I'm now 31 and finally pregnant after 2 mc's and 2 horrendous ivf's due to my tubes being completely fucked. My infertility has absolutely nothing to do with age. Age did become relevant though as I needed nhs funded ivf and success drops of dramatically after 35.

Age is a concern but don't put all your focus on it. If your v keen on kids in the future I would go for a fertility mot. Usually involves a scan, follicle count and blood work. Can give pretty good estimates as to egg reserve and general ovary, womb, lining etc health. Costs around so few hundred quid.

I know what you all mean about the fertility MOT but I don't think it's particularly relevant just now as I am single and am confident I don't want to have a child alone.

I did get pregnant last year by mistake and decided to terminate the pregnancy (difficult decision) so I was certainly fertile 14 months ago, have regular periods, healthy weight, don't drink or smoke. There is no guarantee of course but the signs seem to indicate no issues.

Hi cat I'm 38 and I met my OH at 35. I'm preg now. I had no probs conceiving for which I'm v grateful.

Are your periods normal? Are they regular? Hope that's not too nosey but about 6 months before falling preg I found out I was quite badly anaemic thanks to fibroids and heavy periods. Im glad I found out before we tried so I had time to remedy the iron levels.

If I may give some more advice it would be to say- if you're on any hormonal contraception come off of it now.

Secondly, when you meet the one make sure you have a full and frank discussion about babies and your timeline. No holds barred.

Not on any contraception and never have been. Periods regular as clockwork and light to normal flow :)

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

(I liked the "when" in your post!)

Hi black2cat, my experience is that it was much harder for me to conceive post-35. I got pg accidentally (split condom) with DH (then DP) at 30, but as we'd only been seeing each other for a few weeks I had a termination as it was too soon in our relationship for me, plus at that stage I was still ambivalent about having kids.

When I was 35, after a few years of marriage, we started trying in earnest, until - after a raft of tests which showed good fertility for him, but low egg reserve for me, and then a failed round of IVF - I conceived DS when I was 40, and gave birth at 41.

So don't give up hope, but be prepared that it could take a few years as opposed to a few months post-35.

I always wanted 2 or 3 children, and am TTC again, but at 42 I am realistic about my chances. My advice would be: If you still want a child at 38, and haven't met Mr Right, go for it with donor sperm* rather than hang around. Best of luck & all good wishes to you.

*or a ONS! FoF had her little boy at 40 after a very short-term encounter

PS start taking vitamin supplements now - large doses of B6 & D3 definitely made a difference to tangible signs of fertility like EWCM in my case

I really can't/don't wish to go down the route of donated sperm/ONSs and would be grateful if this could be respected

That MAY mean I am childless but if that happens I will be childless.

It took me over 3 years to have dd 1. I had her at 35. Tried for dd 2 at 39 and was pg straight away.

There is no point in worrying about it until you ttc.

Good luck.

"I really can't/don't wish to go down the route of donated sperm/ONSs and would be grateful if this could be respected"

And you don't want to go for fertility tests either, OP, as you say there's no point - so why start this thread? What did you want to hear?

I'm confused.

Look at it this way OP. You are clear that you only want to have a baby with a partner. From what I glean there is nobody on the horizon at the moment. Therefore, while you can certainly "put yourself out there" you can't actually control when (or if) that person will come along.

If what you are saying is that you need to know how long you "have left" so that you can make a conscious decision to redouble your efforts on the partner hunt, then the answer has to be that 35 is something of an arbitrary birthday to focus on but you cannot possibly be getting any more fertile at your age so if you feel you need an incentive to ramp things up then we'd all say "yes, time is ticking".

On the other hand if you already feel that you're doing all that you want to and the right guy just hasn't come along, then don't tie yourself up in knots worrying about this. It is neither here nor there and you are worrying about something that you can't change or control. Nobody knows when they meet their partner if they'll be able to conceive. You might have slightly fewer odds in your favour when you do meet Mr Right but there are plenty of infertile women out there younger than you. Equally there are many tales of women conceiving naturally up to age 45, and probably a few beyond that - Cherie Blair for example.

For what it's worth, I was in a very similar situation to you when I was 35, although my thoughts for the future were more focussed on a partner than a baby (i.e. I'd have been OK if I'd met someone who didn't want kids, as long as he was committed to me). I met DH when I was 37. We got married this year and are now trying for a baby with me just turned 41. I have had tests that show my hormones are all in good order and we've only been trying 2 months so I am not in a position to know if I am less fertile than I was at 35. I'm a bit scared it's too late, and am kind of wishing we'd started earlier but the truth is that our relationship wasn't ready for it until now. If we'd tried sooner we might never have gone the distance. What I do know is that I have done all my research and if nothing happens after 6 months of trying we will be straight to private fertility treatment and I have savings earmarked for that (an advantage of being older). Maybe saving for that night help reassure you?

We are where we are and you are where you are. No point worrying. Very best of luck finding a partner. I thought it wasn't going to happen for me and every day I feel so lucky that it did.

Well, it tool 8 years of trying and IVF for us to conceive DS1. We started when I turned 30. DS2 was conceived unassisted the first time we tried and I was 39 at the time.

I think the difficulty is that you don't know if you're going to face any issues or not until you start to try. The later you leave it, the less time you theoretically have. That said, they are fairly quick at getting the ball rolling with investigations etc if you're older.

What happened for other people really isn't relevant to you at all. You may well have no issues conceiving at all, but then again you don't know until you start to try. I think there are some tests you can get now, ovarian reserve being one. However, there are so many factors at play it's impossible to predict.

Apologies OP, I see that you don't want to go down the fertility tests route.

Joss, I was wondering how many people had had children, with or without intervention, after 35

Telling me I should have fertility tests serves no purpose I'm afraid: I can see that it might if it showed there was a problem and I wanted to go down the route of J-Lo in The Back-Up Plan but - I don't.

Let's say I had fertility tests and they show there is a problem - what can I actually do about it? I suppose I am just reluctant to spend a not inconsiderable amount of money on something that ultimately serves no purpose at the moment. In the future of course it may well be more relevant.

I really don't think you need to worry OP. You have got pregnant before quite recently! So clearly all is well for you in that area.

Of course there's no guarantee that your partner will be ok too, but in terms of planning etc I think you can be confident that you have time.

I think a LOT of people have children after 35. There are probably stats somewhere but first time maternal age has been steadily rising for years.

Thanks cat. And it is "when" - in the meantime enjoy your life. If you're finding it hard to meet someone or maybe you are repeating bad patterns (I was) The Single Trap is a really good book. So is Why Men Marry Bitches (funny).
I know of four couples suffering with infertilty-one couple, she was 30 when it was discovered. Another has kids with an ex-p but probs with her current p. It seems like a lottery. otoh my colleague last year had her first at 43 no issues and my 38 year old colleague has just had a baby too.

OP a poster on the conception boards told me that she knew of "at least a dozen" women who had had babies in their 40s and there are lots of stories from women whose doctors who have not blinked an eyelid at pregnancies over 40, saying it's v common, especially in London. I think that 35 to 37ish is fairly standard these days.

other people's stories are irrelevant. I think you're either fertile or you're not.

If you are then you'll probably have a baby as easily at 35 as you will at 25. If you're not then you'll struggle at any age.

(that's based on years of IVF btw)

I think that's true Nancy.

I think 35 is a bit of a red herring in terms of a 'cliff'.

But the bottom line is that if you are going to have problems conceiving, finding that out at 35 is better than finding out at 40 when some IVF options will be closed to you (depending on where you live etc).