To be worrying about my fertility?

[black2cat]

I turn 35 next year and it is a concern as obviously I have heard that fertility really drops after 35.

I do really want to have my own children in the future and am worried I won't be able to!

How true is the '35' thing!?

I get the impression that family history of fertility at greater ages can be a useful indicator of your own chances. My grandmother's many sisters mostly had children late (later marriages to control fertility in a catholic country). That made me a bit more relaxed about waiting to have DC2. I couldn't guarantee it though - you should probably check out whether this has any truth in it.

My Mum had me at 35, but I am the youngest of 2.

The problem with checking out my fertility is that if it DOES uncover a problem or an issue there's absolutely nothing I can do about it - do you see what I mean? Otherwise perhaps it would be helpful. I have to admit I'm panicking a tad now - teach me to start a thread! - the first answers were far more in line with my easygoing nature!

Unfortunately there's only one way, incontrovertibly, to test your fertility!

If you are fertile you'll probably have no problem getting pregnant after 35, that's the definition of being fertile. You could go to your GP and get your hormone levels tested now, but there are lots of other things that could amount to 'unexplained infertility' which can't be measured.

You might never know whether you've got problems until you get to the point of properly trying to get pregnant.

My only advice would be that if in the next few years you did find a partner you wanted to have children with and/or some fabulous sperm in a jar... don't delay if you aren't getting pregnant within a few months. Worth getting on the Assisted Conception conveyor belt sooner rather than later.

You can always freeze your eggs! Also conceiving with a donor egg after 40 could be the way forward if you get to that point as its generally the ageing eggs that are the problem which is why MC is more common as you get older (i have had two this year).

I definitely couldn't do that Poppy for all sorts of reasons, although I've no objections to others doing it, it isn't something I could or would particularly want to do.

Hence the pressure is on to find a life partner in the next 3 years which is somewhat daunting!

Sorry to hear that, NewEra

I always thought egg freezing didn't really work? Am I wrong? It's a possibility I suppose :)

It does drop with age, there's no doubt. But at 37/38 you should be ok as long as there is no other issue. The only trouble is, is if you find out there is another issue, you are in danger of losing the chance as you wait and wait and wait for investigations and appointments. So if you haven't found a bloke to have kids with yet, I would start preparing - not obsessing, but preparing, by eating healthily, staying fit, giving up smoking completely (if you smoke of course) and cutting right back on the booze.

Don't do what I did and stick your head in the sand saying "It'll probably be ok," after trying for two years before even getting to the GP.

Egg freezing is very, very experimental still, with only a handful of live births worldwide (last I knew there was 1 but this was a while ago- I don't know the current figure).

Also, as a previous poster said, hormone levels are only part of it. Of couples coming through for treatment, roughly a 30% were female factor, 30% male factor, 30% unexplained and 10% male and female factor. It's a big topic. And to an extent there is no point looking at one part in isolation. Some people find it helpful, some don't.

Excellent advice from Hester (apart from the ostrich impression of course - but I can relate to that!)

I'm a teetotal non smoker Actually I'm not completely teetotal but as good as. I have one drink a year!

We shall see. Hopefully I'll be a parent.

I'm a teetotal non-smoker, only slightly overweight but unfortunately on a lot of medication that any baby I have will be born addicted to.

I'm really worried I won't be able to have a baby just for that reason.

I'm not sure Latara sorry ... I suppose you'd have to ask your GP, if you have one?

I got pregnant with first baby at 35, am now pregnant with second at almost 38.

I've got younger friends (in mid 30s) who have needed ivf, but no idea whether their issues are age related or not, I doubt it.

My sil got pregnant naturally (after failed ivf!) at 42.

I'd concentrate on having fun finding a partner! And just don't waste time ttc when you do!
I met my DH online.

Definitely either your GP or whoever started you on the medication you are taking.

Fwiw I'm on ADs and I needed specialist advice as to what was/is safest to take. Gp can help with lots of things but they might need to ask around.

We are expecting our first in January after three years of trying. We are mid-thirties and were waiting for our first fertility clinic appointment. We had had a lot of tests and they all came back "normal". TTC is gut-wrenchingly frustrating and I laugh at the phrase "family planning" - there are just absolutely no guarantees.

Anecdotally:
DP's cousin had her first at 40, second at 41 and now expecting third at 44.
DP's gran had her first at 16, second at 18 and third (DP's mother) at 40 (she always tells her very matter-of-fact that she was a mistake).
We know two couples who have been told they are infertile (one due to ectopic pregnancies, one due to sperm issues - don't assume that if you find "the one" and are fertile yourself that he will be!). One couple adopted a sibling pair and are delighted with their decision; other couple knew that adoption/sperm donation/treatment wasn't for them and are trying to make peace with never having children.

I guess what I'm saying through my inane waffle and anecdotes is you can never really know until you try; conceiving, even if you and future partner are fertile, is a massive game of chance that cannot be planned...and it sucks! I really hope that it works out for you in the end. Good luck.

I got pregnant on the very first attempt at 40. I know others who weren't so lucky. As previous posters have said, you don't really know until you try and if there are going to be problems, the younger you are, the better.

It was also too late for me to have a second child which I still feel sad about.

It's a big dilemma and whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck

Sorry, that was to Latara

Also excellent advice from Jackie

it would worry me. I know people who had trouble conceiving and / or trouble with recurrent miscarriages when they were younger than 35.

This wasn't always about lacking fertile eggs though - some of them had other issues such as endometriosis, pcos or sticky blood, which they didn't know they had until they started ttc. One problem with starting late is that you have less time to deal with issues like that if it turns out that they affect you.

Hester's advice about preparing as much as you can now re. healthy diet, exercise etc sounds good.

I recently conceived at 37 without really trying, oops. I think it depends on the person but of course if you take a thousand women each at 25, 35,and 45 pretty sure the first group would on average get pg quicker. But you will be just one of those people. Risk of Downs when over 35 is supposed to be higher but my risk factor was 1in 9000 which doesn't sound high to me. I know only one person who resorted to IVF and she's early twenties. Don't panic just yet.

Sorry didnt mean to sound insentive. Hope it works out for you. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, very much single but tried VERY hard at internet dating and eventually got lucky. I did used to worry about the same thing quite a bit. Because of the age thing we had our first DC quickly and now expecting DC2. You will never be truly "ready" but having found dc1 exhausting Im pleased that I'll have had the baby years out of the way before I turn 40.

I had to have ivf to conceive in my early thirties. It took four attempts. I say this not to be mean but because there will always be people who conceive later but there are also those who don't.

You won't know how fertile you are until you try.
As a third of sub fertility cases are 'unexplained', a woman could have a normal result to every test available but still find she is sub fertile when she starts trying. Or that her partner is sub fertile.

If a concerning result would actually change your actions- e.g. if my results are worrying I will go it alone/ settle for Andy/ have a baby with my best friend- then you could contact a private clinic.

If you have any concerning gynae symptoms then see your GP to get checked out.
Keep yourself a healthy weight.

But the most important action is to find a partner who wants children quite soon and will be a good dad.
Unless you would go it alone of course, do consider this.
Do you have opportunities to meet nice single men?
Have you tried internet dating? I am always meeting mums who met their husband online, usually after several disastrous dates with other men, don't give up too soon.
Do you have any issues that impede a happy relationship?
I mean the above in a nice way, I had issues myself, addressed through therapy. Probably I would still be single otherwise.

yanbu imo although I don't think 35 is a Cliff. Seriously why not go it alone?

Baby with my best friend - er, what!?

Tobysmum I don't want to go it alone. I have no extended family to help, which means if something happened to me my baby would go into care, I don't currently have suitable living conditions and, well - I just don't want to :) I want to be a Mum, but a Mum as part of a couple.