To be worrying about my fertility?

[black2cat]

I turn 35 next year and it is a concern as obviously I have heard that fertility really drops after 35.

I do really want to have my own children in the future and am worried I won't be able to!

How true is the '35' thing!?

As a woman of 39 and still TTC I find it very upsetting to hear the comment regarding women over 38 should expect to have an autistic child. God knows if that is true, I am hoping it isn't, but my sister had both of her children after 40 and one has recently been certificated as SEN. So unfortunately in my family it does seem to ring true

Just to add there are no nerds or geeks or high functioning maths whizzs, we are all horribly average.

Rox19, your posts and views are extremely unpleasant and offensive.

Do YOU have a reason why YOU'RE so rude, patronising and ignorant? Older parents perhaps?

Ffs.

I whatsoever don't say 'made your bed' - more, this is an unknown in popular domain bed and I feel sorry for you as possibly you didn't know your risk set, as I personally do not know a persons risk set either, but with my family and friends experience have realised I have more insight than an average parent.

Who knows, in 5yr time this may be regular knowledge. A bit like sperm degrading at certain ages, this was not public knowledge until the last few years. Before it was always 'well rod Stewart/ random old guy has some kids..' Rather than, 'are they normal' .

It might be "regular knowledge" in the next five years IF IT IS CONCLUSIVELY FOUND TO BE TRUE. You've offered nothing except anecdata and "well, I know lots of people with ASD and they have old parents", ergo you believe that something "must be" true as it is "obvious to you". As I have said repeatedly, the studies themselves (which are readily available on the modern internet) are not all nearly as scary in their findings as your posts, and some of them have found no significant association between ASD and parental age.

Rather than, 'are they normal'

Fucking hell, you really are a peach aren't you?

I have more insight than an average parent

With respect, I don't think that's true, not from your posts anyway. You are more willing to extrapolate from your experience and to make assumptions, I think.

No need to be rude. This is purely opinion. Just feel devastated for people when they had no idea they were pretty high risk and how much harder their lives become.

At 35 the poster could meet someone and have a baby within a year anyway. Depends how many children you want I guess.

The truth is though, there are just more older parents these days. There are social/economic reasons for that.

We are now just more aware of learning difficulties and are diagnosing them more. 30 years ago we wouldn't have been doing that. That doesn't mean that the instances of them weren't there.

Its the same as dietary intolerances. They are much more widespread these days. Does this mean there are more instances? Or just that we now know more about the conditions?
Years ago children with those issues were probably just written off as 'sickly children' because we just didn't know.

Anyway Rox, your anecdata isn't going to prevent me ttc post 38 if I see fit. Fair enough if you want it to prevent you from doing so. I presume you've had your kids already though? Lucky that.

Interesting hearing all responses.

No I haven't finished having children so I may have some with issues/ I diagnosed myself, who knows.

Good luck to everyone ttc

Everyone is different. It took me 6 years and treatment to conceive (eventually fell pregnant at 39). No obvious cause. Am healthier than the average person. Interestingly stress is supposed to be a big factor so worrying about it wont help! However I agree with the previous post, if you think you are struggling request help straight away as it can take ages to work your way through tests, etc to treatment.
Also I have friends that have left it too late and are now struggling to come to terms with the fact they are highly unlikely to have kids. Fertility does decrease with age - there is no cliff and there are always exceptions but it is sensible to start planning now (as it sounds like you are doing! :-) )

Very rude, Rox, and if you don't mean it to be, then you need to think hard how you come across.

My anecdotal data is my stepson has ASD and his father (my husband) was 28 when he was born, whereas there are no concerns at all about my daughter, born when he was 39.

Both my brother and I were born after our father was 38 - neither of us has ASD.

OP, as so many have said, statistics are pretty meaningless to the individual. You got pregnant easily last year, and the chances are you will again. But it will be trial and error finding out.

It's bullshit. Just as other posters have said, the information is based on old data, and it's just a statistical average - maths has nothing to do with individual biology. It's just a collection of data, which will be meaningless to you because your genetic make-up and lifestyle will be unlike anyone else's.

Get yourself some fertility blood tests as part of your next well woman medical. AMH is the standard test, but there are some hormonal markers too.

Something the Daily Mail doesn't tell you: two thirds of attendees at IVF clinics are there because of male factor infertility.

OP, if you conceived last year, you were obviously fertile then. It's a sensitive subject, but on a thread about fertility concerns, don't you think it's a bit drip feedy to then mention you have conceived previously, in subsequent posts?

There's something odd about this thread, have you posted this before?

I think the main issue is that the frighteners are always put on women when it comes to fertility. The media concentrates on female fertility and ignores male fertility problems and issues around defective sperm being more likely with age. That means that men aren't under the same amount of pressure because they think they can meet a 25 year old dolly bird at 80 and pop out a few kids. The blame and pressure is the all put on 'career women' ( or women who think they deserve to have a fulfilling and stable job before they have children) when in many cases, it's male reluctance to commit that is the real issue.

Interestingly stress is supposed to be a big factor so worrying about it wont help!

I think this has been proven to be untrue actually. Women conceive in war zones, they conceive in famines, they conceive because they have been raped, they conceive whilst on drugs or whilst alcoholics.

Fertility is a lottery mainly though of course there are some things you can do to enhance your chances.

HesterShaw I disagree. Women have conceived under all sorts of conditions - true. But outliers don't make a trend. Stress has been shown to reduce fertility, as has obesity (I have no idea about alcohol or drugs). That doesn't mean that women can't conceive under very stressful conditions, or when obese, etc. But it does reduce the chances. Just like on average 25 year olds will be more fertile than 45 year olds. That doesn't mean that women can't conceive at 45, just that (everything else being equal) it's less likely than at 25.

I agree with the age thing. But having been a frequenter of the Conception/IF boards for a long time until I gave up, then there were studies* posters linked to which showed that stress did not have any effect on fertility. And that was a relief to many women because they had found it was yet another thing to beat themselves up about: "I can''t conceive because I'm too uptight" and fuelled the whole "Relax and it'll happen" and "Go on holiday and forget about it" bollocks.

*Don't ask me what they are because I don't know. I'm not here for an argument.

rox19 - that is a bit of a sweeping statement. I had my children age 34, 37, 40, 43 and 45 with my DH being 10 years older than me and they have none of the issues you have highlighted.

I think fertility is such a personal issue and unfortunately you don't know until you try how fertile you may or may not be. Likewise, no-one knows how their children will turn out either.

Best wishes for the future OP

Bloody hell loveandsmiles, you are amazingly fertile! Good for you!

Blimey this has taken off a bit!

I'm sorry if I came across as snippy, it is because when I got pregnant by mistake last year I did consider seriously "going it alone" and didn't in the end because I concluded I couldn't. Obviously people didn't know that (I find it painful to talk about hence not mentioning it initially) but I do think when you say "that isn't for me thank you" people telling you you should is a bit off.

I suppose I posted because every time someone says they are single and worried for the future there are loads of "you're ONLY thirty-whatever!" I guess I did want some reassurance that conceiving after 35 is possible and normal.

The whole "relax" thing has more to do with overall quality of life than conceiving. I think there is anecdotal evidence to suggest that lower stress levels help when TTC, but I don't think there is anything statistically relevant linking stress hormones with TTC.

The main problem is that TTC can be extremely stressful and many couples find it difficult to continue living life outside of TTC. Relaxing is often the only thing you can do to make the situation tolerable iyswim.

It's not normal, but it is possible.