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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with DP for this?

131 replies

MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 09:57

I've been seriously ill with flu recently and have been in bed for the last 2 days
Yesterday DC were in school all morning and my Mum had the afternoon off and took them to her house for me, I slept all day
DP is supposed to be home at 5:45, he said he had to work late yesterday he'd be home closer to 6:30 but my Mum had to bring DC home for 6 so I dragged my sorry arse out of bed and relocated to the couch, kept telling myself it was only half an hour
DP rocks up at 7pm! I was already annoyed, poor kids had been pretty much ignored for an hour and he swans in with...a bar of chocolate and a bottle of radox Hmm I've got flu I'm not on my fucking period! I don't want this shit I just want to sleep!!
AIBU to be thoroughly fucked off that I was dying on the couch with no-one to watch DC and he was swanning round Tesco buying me stuff I didn't want?! He thinks I'm 'ungrateful' Hmm

OP posts:
Mammanat222 · 04/12/2014 09:59

Maybe his actions were a little misplaced but I don't think you should be too mad with him.

formerbabe · 04/12/2014 10:02

Yabu and spoilt... It was only an extra half hour and you had the rest of the afternoon to rest thanks to your mum.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 04/12/2014 10:05

Seriously ill? Flu is nasty but I doubt you've been seriously ill. And yes, you're ungrateful. Maybe not his best idea but his heart was in the right place.

LadyLuck10 · 04/12/2014 10:08

Yabu and ungrateful. Your making a drama of this over half an hour? He's been at work, just got something to make you feel a bit better and thought of the dc. You sound like very hard work.

smokinggnu · 04/12/2014 10:09

So, you sat on the sofa and they ran riot over the house for a bit. It's not world ending.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 04/12/2014 10:10

God you're going to get annihilated on here....

Probably rightly, how over dramatic can you be?! "Dying on the couch" ffs.

Get over yourself. It's fucking flu.

MissYamabuki · 04/12/2014 10:13

I understand OP, my DP does this when he's very late from work (think 12 hrs days)... gets home even later because he's stopped at a garage to get me some cheap tat I don't want and never asked for. I say thank you and tell him I'd rather see him 30 mins earlier. DP has a bad faffing habit and serious time management issues that affect family life.

I don't care if I sound ungrateful blah blah blah. It pisses me right off.

smokinggnu · 04/12/2014 10:15

And ps, my children were a toddler and baby when I spent 3.5 hours waiting for their dad having suddenly lost vision (he was playing computer games with friends) in one eye and feeling all sorts of crap. We all lived. They are not scarred by the experience and my friends pointed out I was a little bit over emotional about being pissed off then.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 04/12/2014 10:17

YABU and a teeny bit ungrateful, yes.

Original poster
MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 10:20

Yes I get I'm overly sensitive at the moment because I'm not well, not dying no (sorry to whoever it was that clearly never exaggerates) but not well
And I know he was trying to be nice but if I'd have seen him in the state I've been in I wouldn't expect him to be able to look after two under 5's for any amount of time, and it was perfectly obvious I was too sick to eat chocolate and to weak to have a bath so neither things were even useful! In fact he had a radox bath last night while we were all in bed!
Alright I'm a drama queen I'll apologise, but I was very annoyed!

OP posts:
oldguygirl · 04/12/2014 10:20

Sorry YABU- I had asthmatic bronchitis last Feb half term- temp for 5 days, very ill. I had to have my son for two days because DH had to go to work and I have no local family. I had no choice - suck it up its called being a parent

JackSkellington · 04/12/2014 10:21

Oh dear, YABU. I feel sorry for your DP, he tried to do something nice and was met with quite a nasty reaction.
It's unpleasant to have, but it's the flu, not really "dying on the couch". I've been on the couch unable to move (previous back problems, thankfully gone now) and DP has come home a bit later than usual with gifts that would in no way help. It's nice to be thought of though, as he couldn't do anything to 'cure' me, same as with the flu.

cailindana · 04/12/2014 10:25

I am boggling at the responses. Flu kills people, it is a serious illness. OP's dp had agreed a time to be home, then didn't bother sticking with that. If nothing else that's just rude. There is such a strange mixture on MN of people saying "expect good treatment and respect" and "you're overemotional" for expecting basic courtesy.
Smoking if your dp left you struggling and half blind so he could play computer games then he is such an irredeemable twat I don't know how you manage not to kill him.

cailindana · 04/12/2014 10:31

Oh and please fuck off with the 'my arms were hanging off by threads of sinew and I still tandem fed twins while directing the new york philharmonic." If your partner doesn't care whether you're ill and leaves you to struggle that is not something to be proud of.

formerbabe · 04/12/2014 10:36

Oh and please fuck off with the 'my arms were hanging off by threads of sinew and I still tandem fed twins while directing the new york philharmonic." If your partner doesn't care whether you're ill and leaves you to struggle that is not something to be proud of.

If the op had been on her own all day with her DC, then I would be more sympathetic. As it was, they were at school and then with her mother...so as she said, she slept all day. The point many others are making is that many of us who have no family nearby to help just get on with it. I have no one to call on if I am unwell so just get on with it. The op had one hour of looking after her children whilst ill!

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 04/12/2014 10:37

Proper flu is shit. It's not a bad cold, it IS a serious illness.

I'd be hacked off too.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/12/2014 10:38

Yanbu. He needed to be at home.

Flu is'potentially very serious. People do die from flu and you can get secondary illnesses that are nasty too.

Unless you actually just have a bad cold with no other conditions or complications and not influenza.

And you lot who climbed a mountain with your 4 children lashed to your back, two broken legs and a dose of flu with only your own self-righteousness to keep you going can fuck off.

Number3cometome · 04/12/2014 10:38

YABU - He was half and hour late, he brought you chocs because he was thinking of you and radox - he wasn't out shagging his secretary unless he's a one minute man

However, we all exaggerate at times, so lets not murder OP for saying she was seriously ill or dying on the couch, come on now, we've all felt like that.

I am very often 'dying on the couch' or 'seriously ill' after one to many jager bombs

I'd have been pissed off if I was expecting OH home at a certain time when I was feeling like shit on a stick, however, my OH would have reacted the same and probably called me an ungrateful cow.

(hide those chocs for when you are feeling better)

And next year get a fucking flu jab Grin

formerbabe · 04/12/2014 10:39

And you lot who climbed a mountain with your 4 children lashed to your back, two broken legs and a dose of flu with only your own self-righteousness to keep you going can fuck off

Is it self righteousness or just a lack of any other options?! I look after my children when I'm ill not to make a point, I do it because there is no other choice!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/12/2014 10:39

X-post with cailin

I can't stand competitive sadding/martyring.

AnniDollxox · 04/12/2014 10:41

I have the flu. A 5 yeAr old. 40 weeks pregnant and have just done the Christmas shopping, made dinner and walked the dogs...get over yourself and be grateful he bought you some radox! My DP doesn't get home till half 6 every night! Grow up and get on with it!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/12/2014 10:41

Can't you see it doesn't matter what your situation was to the op formerbabe?

Just because other people have it tougher doesn't mean something isn't tough.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 04/12/2014 10:42

You do sound ungrateful. He was trying to make you feel a bit better.

MrsPiggie · 04/12/2014 10:43

I think I would be a bit annoyed as well, flu can be nasty and it makes you feel sorry for yourself. But don't be too hard on DH, he meant well and he was only half an hour late.

Original poster
MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 10:43

I don't know how to quote but MovingOnUp - it was flu, no cold symptoms beyond a sore throat just very very weak, aching all over (I swear my eyelashes were hurting - wtf!) headaches, fever but shivering cold, vomiting - full on flu!

OP posts: