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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with DP for this?

131 replies

MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 09:57

I've been seriously ill with flu recently and have been in bed for the last 2 days
Yesterday DC were in school all morning and my Mum had the afternoon off and took them to her house for me, I slept all day
DP is supposed to be home at 5:45, he said he had to work late yesterday he'd be home closer to 6:30 but my Mum had to bring DC home for 6 so I dragged my sorry arse out of bed and relocated to the couch, kept telling myself it was only half an hour
DP rocks up at 7pm! I was already annoyed, poor kids had been pretty much ignored for an hour and he swans in with...a bar of chocolate and a bottle of radox Hmm I've got flu I'm not on my fucking period! I don't want this shit I just want to sleep!!
AIBU to be thoroughly fucked off that I was dying on the couch with no-one to watch DC and he was swanning round Tesco buying me stuff I didn't want?! He thinks I'm 'ungrateful' Hmm

OP posts:
cailindana · 04/12/2014 16:13

Ha, stupid, says the person who can't spell the name of a children's character.

MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 16:13

Well I've just woke up and to be honest I'm surprised this is still going!
Just to clear up, I have indeed had flu, I've been very ill and the chocolates made me most annoyed because he had seen me vomit, is it not perfectly obvious a vomiting person doesn't want chocolate Hmm
I don't think there was any malice in his actions atall and in his mind I have no doubt that he thought he was doing something nice for me, and if I'd been less ill or on my period or something I'd have really appreciated the thought, but it wasn't the time, it wasn't the situation, it wasn't necessary and it pissed me off! It then pissed me off further that I was being called ungrateful for something I didn't want - why would I be grateful for something I don't want?!
Lots of people keep commenting that it was "only half an hour" and yes it was, but it was half an hour that I could've done without, it was a looonnnnng half an hour!!
When you're not feeling good sometimes just the thought that you have children around depending on you is enough to make you feel worse, it was pressure I didn't need, I just needed someone around.
To everyone that has no support in times like this I salute you I really do, but I do have that support and he chose not to be here, not completely on really is it

OP posts:
cailindana · 04/12/2014 16:14

Agreed Minnie. Hope you're feeling much better today.

Number3cometome · 04/12/2014 16:17

MinnieM1

Yeah the vomit probably should have been a sign for him.

But fairs dos on the Radox though right?

In all seriousness, glad you are on the road to recovery.

If it's any consolation, I am sure he has learned his lesson!

Let's hope he don't catch the flu Wink or you may have to buy him some chocs and a Radox Grin

MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 16:26

Yes the radox will be put to good use tonight Smile
Oh I hope for his sake he doesn't get flu, my sympathy switch will be permanently turned to off!
Thanks all this thread has certainly entertained me today Grin

OP posts:
EilisCitron · 04/12/2014 16:29

One poster used "useless", it wasn't me.

If we are going to doubt that the OP has flu, what is the point of any of this? Maybe she doesn't have a husband, maybe she doesn't have children, maybe she has hand foot and mouth disease and was upset that her flatmate came back 10 minutes late leaving her to look after the pet mini pig. You're right! It could all have been entirely different!

I am not anti-anger, for the record. I am observing that amongst the anger (some admitted, fair play) is some, in my opinion, misplaced anger. I am fascinated by the amount of vitriol being directed against those sympathising with the OP. something very, very important is being policed here.

One of the important thing being policed is this: it is never about the woman. The constant harping on the man's intentions (as opposed to actual actions, and their effects on the woman) means that we absolutely have to view this from the man's point of view. It doesn't matter what he did, it matters what he meant. Man always the subject, always at the centre, the point from which consciousness emanates; woman in his sphere of consciousness, offering no competing centre point of "what this means to me".

OP, so glad you are feeling better.

DixieNormas · 04/12/2014 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinnieM1 · 04/12/2014 16:48

Oh Dixie you know you've got to tell us now?

OP posts:
HadleyHemingway · 04/12/2014 17:10

Ellis and Cailin have won this thread.

DixieNormas · 04/12/2014 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whereisegg · 04/12/2014 17:21

Amazing responses on here Grin

SaucyJack · 04/12/2014 18:27

This thread just makes me love my DP all the more.

I'd hate to live with such a tight, useless cunt that a bottle of Radox from Tesco passed as a special treat.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 04/12/2014 18:31

I'd love chocolate and a bottle of radox now

EilisCitron · 04/12/2014 18:32

Number3 at 15.29

"No one fucking died!"

This is for you

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 04/12/2014 18:32

Isn't it funny, I'm poorly now and if my DH came home with radox and chocolate I'd be thrilled. I'd think he was being kind. Different strokes and all that.

EilisCitron · 04/12/2014 18:33

Dixie, no way. what did you do?

Prforone · 04/12/2014 18:35

So you have a mum who can look after the kids and a DP who buys you stuff to cheer you up when you're ill? You're a whole lot luckier than you realise. YABU.

Nanny0gg · 04/12/2014 18:41

So you don't believe that the OP was ill, even though she said she was, but you do believe the OP may be a drama queen, even though there's no evidence of that? The facts are: she asked her DP to come home early, he didn't come home early, instead he fucked off to Tesco to buy chocolate. Ok, not a crime, but clearly not very considerate. Instead of apologising for being a bit thoughtless, he told the OP she was "ungrateful." So, overall, he was shit. If the train had broken down or there was traffic he wouldn't have been able to do anything about that and being upset out it would have been pointless. He chose to go to Tesco, thus totally disregarding what the OP had asked for. Again, essentially a bit thoughtless but not the crime of century. In the case where you've been a bit silly you apologise. Far from apologising the DP got cross and stroppy, ie he was a shithead about it. Expecting basic courtesy from a partner such as expecting them home when they say they'll be home because you're ill and need help is not too much to ask.

^^This

I will never understand, why there is the frequent opinion on MN that we should be grateful for any gift from spouse/partner, however useless, unwanted or inappropriate, because at least they were 'thoughtful'.
Not in my book they're not. They're just looking (in the wrong place) for brownie points. They haven't listened to what you actually want or need. The OP needed her husband at home. Not buying chocolates she couldn't eat.

Also, however bad your situation, there is always someone, somewhere, who has it worse. Either a little bit or life-alteringly completely worse.
Doesn't mean you're not allowed to be pissed off or upset with what you are going through.

And an online forum is an appropriate place to speak your mind about it.

DixieNormas · 04/12/2014 18:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NomorepepperpigPLEASE · 04/12/2014 19:50

Really when did 'winning' a thread become what MN is about? I thought it was about discussion and not frothing and being arses.

The sad thing about it is it was neither of theirs thread. They just come on for fight. The OP has come back on said she knows there was no malice in what her husband did and she is going to put the gifts he bought he to good use. But yet again posters use a thread for their own agenda - lots of man hating projection. Yes you certainly are a cunt for bringing your wife gifts even if misguided Confused

shit head
cunt
useless

all for being 30 mins late after going to buy bloody gifts to cheer her up when ill.

SaucyJack · 04/12/2014 20:08

Are you the OP's partner pepper?

I genuinely can't understand why else you'd be taking it so personally.

EilisCitron · 04/12/2014 20:49

No it wasn't my thread but I didn't

  • aspire to win, or claim it
  • use any of those three nasty expressions

and more importantly, while it was not my thread, I fully support the OP, who sounds like she needs it. I am not looking for a fight in the sense of coming here to put the boot in; but I am not afraid of a bit of robust debate against those who did appear to come here to tell the sick OP to "get over it" (put more rudely, often)

and also, as I keep saying, I am very interested in where this anger comes from. I suppose this is what you mean by my "agenda". You don't recognise yours though, as it is an unconscious agenda: without knowing you are doing it, you are an angry little robot, programmed to violently police the boundaries women must not breech, thereby attaining full personhood. I am interested in the programming and how angry people become when it is illuminated. i am heartened by it too; when this much is at stake, there is much to be won

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually · 04/12/2014 20:57

That's an extremely patronising post EilisCitron.

melika · 04/12/2014 21:11

What prforone says!

EilisCitron · 04/12/2014 22:14

Sorry, I suppose it is patronising to attempt to explain others' feelings instead of letting them do it themselves. Apologies.

NoMorePepper, Number3, anyone else who identifies with their general position - please can you explain why the OP and those defending that position made you so angry?

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