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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 months to cash a cheque - AIBU?

88 replies

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 14:00

Last year DH suddenly lost his job. I was in total panic and he reluctantly asked his parents if they could lend us some money. They did - quite happily and of course we never had this money to really pay back (£2k) as we have 2 small kids, childcare, live in London etc etc. Anyway, I took a bank loan out in September and sent his parents the £2k back. He didn't think they'd cash it as they honestly don't need the money. They spend next to nothing, buy value everything, and have a good pension. Even DH's mother said that his dad probably wouldn't cash it. Anyway, I've just checked my bank account and the money just went out. I've just been buying kids xmas presents (more to buy) but am suddenly massively overdrawn. I'd really thought that after 2 months he wouldn't cash the cheque and I have bought the kids a few nice things. I'm so mad that it's taken him 2 months to cash the cheque and I know he did a really good deed by letting us borrow the money but in all honesty in the 16 years I've been with DH he's never given us a penny. My parents who are less well off help us out all the time and spend lots on the kids (as well as give them lots of time). They don't need the money and it'll probably go to one of DH's siblings. They think as we live in London that we are well off but we are not! So pissed off so just needed a rant and can't do it on facebook!

OP posts:

Comito · 02/12/2014 14:01

I'm a bit mystified as to why you gave them a cheque if you didn't want them to cash it.

kim147 · 02/12/2014 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary · 02/12/2014 14:06

They should have made it clearer as to whether or not they'd be cashing the cheque. But you should have put the money aside and made sure you could cover it. Maybe they thought that not cashing it immediately would help you. I think it is a bit cheeky of you to think they are obliged to hand money over to you. They're not.

2rebecca · 02/12/2014 14:08

We often take a couple of months to get round to cashing cheques. Banks often won't cash cheques after 6 months but your husband did ask for a loan not a gift, plus as he has siblings they maybe felt if they gave 2k to one child they'd have to do the same for all.
Maybe they're not as well off as you think if they've cashed it.
If you couldn't afford to pay them back you should have discussed it with them not taken out a loan and given them a cheque as loans are expensive and it's pointless getting a loan unless you expected them to cash the cheque.
I agree after 2 months your inlaws could have warned you they were cashing it.

ShatnersBassoon · 02/12/2014 14:09

This is no reflection on your in-laws, and has nothing to do with how much your parents do for you. Why wouldn't they want £2k back?

littlewoollypervert · 02/12/2014 14:09

Not useful now but if you are ever paying back again, do it via bank transfer, bank draft, or hand over cash. Then you don't have to wonder if or when the cheque will be cashed.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 14:10

yabu

Fudgeface123 · 02/12/2014 14:15

I'm still struggling with this statement of yours They did - quite happily and of course we never had this money to really pay back (£2k) as we have 2 small kids, childcare, live in London etc etc.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 14:17

I'm struggling with how little say the OPs DH appears to have "I was in total panic" "I took a bank loan out"

whois · 02/12/2014 14:17

The timing is a bit annoying, but YABU.

Icimoi · 02/12/2014 14:18

If you give someone a cheque, and then spend the money on the basis that they may not cash it, you absolutely have only yourself to blame.

InfinitySeven · 02/12/2014 14:19

You can cash a cheque freely up until 6 months after it was written, and at the banks discretion up until 6 years afterwards. Most people don't get around to cashing them straight away.

Stick to direct payments in the future, because at least your balance would show the true amount then.

I don't think this is about when it was cashed, though. I think you'd hoped that they wouldn't cash it, and you'd started to convince yourself that the longer they had it, the less chance there was of it being cashed.

PatriciaHolm · 02/12/2014 14:20

I'm a bit confused - you took a bank loan out to pay them back, so that £2k should have been in your account untouched, surely? So you are saying you have spent the bank loan?

Perhaps reigning in the spending a bit would help. And yes YABU to expect them not to have cashed the cheque once you gave it to them.

googoodolly · 02/12/2014 14:21

YABU. Do a direct transfer next time.

bigbluestars · 02/12/2014 14:24

So you have borrowed £2K from the in- laws, spent that presumably, but then took out another £2K in the form of a bank loan, initially to pay them back but you have now spent that too.

NecesitoDormir · 02/12/2014 14:27

YABU you wrote them a cheque for money that you owed and then expect them not to cash it. 2 months or not you could have called them and prompted them rather than just spend the money in the hope that they had forgotten.

MiddletonPink · 02/12/2014 14:27

I think it's U to be pissed off they cashed a cheque for 2k, 2k you borrowed off them. However I can't understand why they'd cash it 2 months after you gave it them and so close to Christmas knowing you've had financial worries.

Have you borrowed money before of them?

Number3cometome · 02/12/2014 14:32

Did you happen to piss them off in the last two months?

If you took out a Bank loan to cover the in-laws debt that you owe, then you have clearly spent above your means if you are now massively overdrawn.

Likelihood is that the Bank will return Return to Drawer, Please Represent.
I suggest you get OH (assuming you have told him) to beg the parents for longer to pay.

Would you ask the Bank for a loan then not pay it back?

Yes they could have given you notice that they intended to cash it, but from what you have said it wouldn't have made any difference as you had already spent the money.

MarthaCostello · 02/12/2014 14:33

YABU. Why did you take out a bank loan if the parents hadn't asked for the money back? If you didn't tell them it was a bank loan, then they probably thought you'd saved up the money to pay them back. Once you handed over the cheque, that money had gone. If they had decided not to cash the cheque then that would have been a bonus, but you should not have spent the money when you didn't know whether you would have it or not.

What have you spent the money on? Can you return some of the presents? Make the day fun in other ways without having to spend so much money?

Also I think there's a money section on here so someone might be able to help you with a budget so that you can deal with the overdraft and hopefully avoid future debt.

hippo123 · 02/12/2014 14:33

I think your more annoyed at yourself aren't you op, for being so stupid and spending the 2k loan? Surely you would have put that loan money to one side? Yabu and only have yourself to blame I'm afraid.

Poolomoomon · 02/12/2014 14:35

Yabu. They lent you money they absolutely didn't have to lend you to presumably make sure you avoided taking a loan out... You then take a loan out anyway to pay them back but instead of leaving the loan untouched you assume they're not going to cash it and spend it! Of course yabu. If you couldn't pay it back you should have made that clear when you asked them for it or agreed to pay back in instalments. They might not be as well off as you think, maybe using it for Christmas presents.

wowfudge · 02/12/2014 14:44

You sound really ungrateful OP. And so what if they haven't given you a penny in 16 years? They don't owe you anything.

You've screwed up and are blaming them to cover your stupidity.

Lifesalemon · 02/12/2014 14:46

it'll probably go to one of DH's siblings
Why shouldn't it? It's as much theirs as it is yours OP

Gabor7G · 02/12/2014 14:52

For a cheque that large, especially given your current financial circumstances, it was a bit strange that your PIL didn't either cash it within a couple of weeks or return it to you. It does seem a bit thoughtless for your MIL to comment that it probably wasn't going to be cashed and then it be cashed without warning later.
However, the blame certainly doesn't lie entirely with your PIL. You really should have checked that they had no intention of negotiating it before spending the money.
On balance YANBU to be annoyed about the delay coupled with the comment.
YABU to comment that they have never given you anything or compare their generosity with your parents though. Maybe I feel this way because we have never had any financial help from either set of parents - although we know they would do what they could if we hit extenuating circumstances, as would we for them.

Bearbehind · 02/12/2014 14:52

YABVU - you gave them a cheque therefore you should have assumed it would be cashed and not spent the money.

It doesn't matter how much money they have- this is also their money.

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