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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 months to cash a cheque - AIBU?

88 replies

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 14:00

Last year DH suddenly lost his job. I was in total panic and he reluctantly asked his parents if they could lend us some money. They did - quite happily and of course we never had this money to really pay back (£2k) as we have 2 small kids, childcare, live in London etc etc. Anyway, I took a bank loan out in September and sent his parents the £2k back. He didn't think they'd cash it as they honestly don't need the money. They spend next to nothing, buy value everything, and have a good pension. Even DH's mother said that his dad probably wouldn't cash it. Anyway, I've just checked my bank account and the money just went out. I've just been buying kids xmas presents (more to buy) but am suddenly massively overdrawn. I'd really thought that after 2 months he wouldn't cash the cheque and I have bought the kids a few nice things. I'm so mad that it's taken him 2 months to cash the cheque and I know he did a really good deed by letting us borrow the money but in all honesty in the 16 years I've been with DH he's never given us a penny. My parents who are less well off help us out all the time and spend lots on the kids (as well as give them lots of time). They don't need the money and it'll probably go to one of DH's siblings. They think as we live in London that we are well off but we are not! So pissed off so just needed a rant and can't do it on facebook!

OP posts:

ChristmasSparkle · 02/12/2014 15:01

If you write a cheque, and give it to someone, you consider it money you have spent and is still to come off your account.
YABVU - why shouldn't they cash it if you've given them it?!

GraysAnalogy · 02/12/2014 15:04

Why didn't you just ask before you assumed and spent what was rightly their money.

HesterShaw · 02/12/2014 15:06

Oh dear :(

I can see why you're aggrieved, but I guess it's a case of look at it as a life lesson. You can either not borrow money off them ever again. Or if you do, KNOW that they expect to be paid back rather than just hope. And when you do pay it back, give it as cash or a BACS. And it also brings to the fore this silly unwillingness of the Brits to talk about money - if you had communicated properly it wouldn't have happened.

I do feel for you OP. Hope your money worries are soon over.

Iristutu · 02/12/2014 15:15

Very, very unreasonable!!, You spent the loan that you took out to repay a debt!
You should have offered it as a bank transfer or asked them to cash it fast.

Their financial concerns are none of your business, you chose to live in London, have children, live a lifestyle you can't afford. They helped you out when you needed it and have waited for you to pay it back, without interest. (Leaving the door open for a future loan if you needed it) you are not entitled to free money from them because they have more than you have, or for that matter have more than you feel they need.

Stop buying gifts and things you don't need, cut your cloth accordingly. In short be a grown up.

CoffeeandNumbers · 02/12/2014 15:18

OP you've made your bed sorry. The timing is shit, but you must assume that you've given a cheque, therefore it will be cashed.
Why did you give it back to them if you couldn't really afford to yet?

Seriouslyffs · 02/12/2014 15:25

I would never cash any cheque over about £10 two months late without warning the person who wrote it. You're getting a hard time here OP. Of course it's unreasonable to effectively spring a £2000 bill on someone in December.

Original poster

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 15:25

I took out a £15k bank loan to cover overdraft/consolidate loans etc. Part of that was to pay back in-laws. I haven't spent it all and have put it into a separate account but have started to dip into it. You are all right though- DH convinced me that they wouldn't cash the cheque and after 2 months I thought that he was probably right. We're just trying to get ourselves straight after DH losing 3 jobs in the last 3 years. Each time that happens you get more and more overdrawn. His parents do help out his other siblings we know this. Maybe we just thought it might be nice to help us out for a change.

OP posts:

TheFriar · 02/12/2014 15:27

Well I won't be giving you a hard time because I know a lot of people who have been in that place because the recipient if the cheque took AGES to bank the cheque. And some if them were businesses too.

So yes it's crap to think you have some money and then discover you actually don't.

IMO it's normal that they have cashed the cheque. And your DH doesn't know his parents that well if he thought they wouldn't cash it.
I'm getting the feeling they thought it was fantastic opportunity with Christmas coming so they can but their presents now wo a worry re money (or be a bit more extravagant)

I'm Wondering though why you took a loan. Wouldnt it have been easier to to relay your PIL month by month as you do with the loan if they actually don't need that money/are happy for you to do so?

GraysAnalogy · 02/12/2014 15:29

seriouslyffs it isn't late though is it. Cheques have a limit of time on them and if it was still in date then obviously it isn't late, just they decided to delay the cashing of it. There's a few times I've taken weeks to cash a cheque because I've been unable to get to the bank. They weren't springing a bill on anyone. If you write a cheque then you know that's what will eventually be coming out of the account. If you were unsure then you check first, not just assume.

NewNamePlease · 02/12/2014 15:34

YABU and clearly living beyond your means or have no idea about budgeting. If you borrow money that means you have to pay it back.

googoodolly · 02/12/2014 15:36

It's not springing a bill the OP shouldn't have written the cheque in the first place if she couldn't afford it.

Seriouslyffs · 02/12/2014 15:36

I think it is. As I said, if I cant cash a cheque within a week or so of being given it I would warn the writer, it's thoughtless of PIL.

Bearbehind · 02/12/2014 15:36

Maybe we just thought it might be nice to help us out for a change.

They did help you out by lending you £2k when you desperately needed it

Original poster

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 15:38

Wow, never posted on here before. What a bitchy lot you are! So many assumptions.

OP posts:

LIZS · 02/12/2014 15:41

So you took out a loan to pay them back , but actually spent the money in the meantime . It sounds as if you sent the cheque almost as a test of their generosity as to whether it was a loan or not. They assumed you intended and had the means to pay them back by doing so. Take back some of the "nice" things which you clearly cannot really afford. Are you both working now ? Would you benefit form some budgeting advice from Stepchange et al perhaps to help get you back on your feet.

BeccadeWinter · 02/12/2014 15:42

I really don't think 2 months is an unacceptably long period of time to wait before paying in a cheque. I live a fair distance from my nearest bank branch and receive relatively few cheques these days, so I generally don't make the journey to deposit any until I have a few to do at the same time. That said, for me £2k is a big enough amount that I'd probably make a special journey and deposit it ASAP!

It sounds like you voluntarily handed over the cheque to PIL (as opposed to doing so begrudgingly after being asked repeatedly by them, for example) so they probably assumed that you genuinely could afford to repay them, so why shouldn't they have their money back whether they 'need' it or not?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 02/12/2014 15:42

They did help you out, they gave you 2k interest free for over a year.

maras2 · 02/12/2014 15:44

But you seem so entitled.Why should parents or PIL's have to keep helping you out? Surely you're adults;act like it.

Number3cometome · 02/12/2014 15:45

I take it yourself and OH now have a job and can start paying back the loan (or just OH if that's how it works in your household)

What does OH say about it all?

Sorry but 2 months is not a long time to cash a cheque. Infact, they may actually have been doing you a favour by leaving it that long.....

LeBearPolar · 02/12/2014 15:45

I can't really see what's bitchy about this thread. People don't agree with you but that's not bitchiness.

Many people are just surprised that you would write somebody a cheque and then be upset that they cashed it. Why shouldn't they? It is, after all, their money, not yours.

Original poster

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 15:48

keep helping you out? - sorry I don't understand. They don't 'keep helping us out'. I asked once for help in 16 years.

"They did help you out, they gave you 2k interest free for over a year."

Well I borrowed the money last December and sent them a cheque in September so not a year is it?

I work full-time as does DH. We don't get any state handouts so you can all get off your high horses making all kinds of assumptions about me.

OP posts:

Number3cometome · 02/12/2014 15:48

Wow, never posted on here before. What a bitchy lot you are! So many assumptions.

I would suggest that the amount of people saying that YABU may actually lead you to the answer that YABU!!!

Don't like the truth, then don't ask the question.

Did you expect everyone to say how evil the PIL's are for daring to get their money back which you 'borrowed?'

BeccadeWinter · 02/12/2014 15:48

catmadmum - maybe everybody's 'bitchy' here, or maybe you actually are being unreasonable/ungrateful and people are just responding genuinely to your question.

As far as I'm concerned the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Anyway, I hope you don't let this affect your relationship with your PIL, and I hope you and DH get back on track re: finances. I don't believe your FIL has done anything wrong in cashing the cheque, though I see why it's a pain if you'd concluded (unreasonably) that he wasn't going to.

Bearbehind · 02/12/2014 15:48

It's not bitchy to point out that your PIL were perfectly entitled to cash that cheque and that, as grown ups, your are responsible for your own finances.

Just because you disagree doesn't mean the posts are bitchy.

Bearbehind · 02/12/2014 15:50

well I borrowed the money last December and sent them a cheque in September so not a year is it?

FFS- the very fact you had the audacity to write that proves you are never going to accept YABU.

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