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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

2 months to cash a cheque - AIBU?

88 replies

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 14:00

Last year DH suddenly lost his job. I was in total panic and he reluctantly asked his parents if they could lend us some money. They did - quite happily and of course we never had this money to really pay back (£2k) as we have 2 small kids, childcare, live in London etc etc. Anyway, I took a bank loan out in September and sent his parents the £2k back. He didn't think they'd cash it as they honestly don't need the money. They spend next to nothing, buy value everything, and have a good pension. Even DH's mother said that his dad probably wouldn't cash it. Anyway, I've just checked my bank account and the money just went out. I've just been buying kids xmas presents (more to buy) but am suddenly massively overdrawn. I'd really thought that after 2 months he wouldn't cash the cheque and I have bought the kids a few nice things. I'm so mad that it's taken him 2 months to cash the cheque and I know he did a really good deed by letting us borrow the money but in all honesty in the 16 years I've been with DH he's never given us a penny. My parents who are less well off help us out all the time and spend lots on the kids (as well as give them lots of time). They don't need the money and it'll probably go to one of DH's siblings. They think as we live in London that we are well off but we are not! So pissed off so just needed a rant and can't do it on facebook!

OP posts:

maddening · 02/12/2014 18:21

Actually I do think they should have said - even just to check that it would clear as it isn't just a small cheque.

Yes the op owed the money and gave them a cheque but the inlaws should have given the op the heads up that it would be cashed after insinuating that they might not.

Wishtoremainunknown · 02/12/2014 18:21

YABVU. The fact you have sent the cheque then spend too much money is hardly their fault.

You asked them to lend you money. They did. You paid it back. Problem of your own making I'm afraid.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 02/12/2014 18:25

Handouts from your parents, a loan from the IL's and now a bank loan. You're living beyond your means.

As for assumptions - you've assumed that as your IL's spend next to nothing and buy value everything they're loaded and don't need the money.

You're directing your annoyance at the wrong people, the IL's and now the 'bitches' on here. Direct it at the right person - yourself.

Head over to the credit crunch section and pick up some ideas from there. You clearly need to start cutting back.

RedToothBrush · 02/12/2014 18:29

The problem isn't your ILs.

Nor is it your income.

Its your money management skills. Given you needed to take a loan, why are you not paying more attention to your outgoings on a more regular basis?

An extra £2000 still being in your account when it should have gone out is pretty obvious. It suggests that you have recently spent rather a lot of money, and haven't been keeping track of exactly how much, which is stupid if you are having financial troubles in the first place.

As it stands I do think its quite rude not to cash a cheque straight away, but you can't blame your ILs for your own financial mismanagement and lack of taking responsibility for your money.

You should keep a closer eye on your account purely to make sure there has been no fraud on the account quite apart from anything else.

LIZS · 02/12/2014 18:37

Taking out a bank loan and putting it in an account makes little financial sense. The interest you pay out will be greater than the amount you gain from investing. You were advanced 15k but actually only had 13k at your disposal. If you still have more than 2k in the bank you don't need their loan any more than they need the money back. If you need to rely on it to live on rather than just to pay off accrued debt then you do need to look at your budgeting. Getting a loan to pay of debt isn't usually a wise move either unless you can redeem it quickly. please call one of the charities who offer financial advice - Stepchange, MA, CAB etc - before you get further caught in a cycle of debt. Resenting your pils won't address the underlying issues and in fact their loan may simply have deferred this situation, not solved it.

HesterShaw · 02/12/2014 19:14

What a bitchy lot you are!

That's very unfair. You had some sound advice, amongst the opinions that yes, people do think you are being unreasonable. You did ask!

SpringBreaker · 02/12/2014 19:20

Sounds like you havent learned anything at all about money if you are still splashing out at xmas on presents that you cant afford.

No wonder the PIL are reluctant to help you out.

BackforGood · 02/12/2014 19:27

Yes, YABU - once you write a cheque, then, for all intents and purposes that gone has gone. I don't understand why you wrote them a cheque is you are in so much debt and they didn't need it back at that time . They would presumably have assumed everything was back on an even keel, so cashed the cheque that you gave them.

YAalso being V U to accuse people of bitchiness just because they haven't given you the answer you want to hear. You asked who was being unreasonable, and the overwhelming majority have said it's a person who writes a cheque then convinces themselves they haven't really spent that money.
If you really wanted to just vent / let off steam / have a moan then post in chat - don't ask what people think, then get all huffy when they think differently from you.

Topseyt · 02/12/2014 19:33

Actually, delayed banking of large cheques is something that has really annoyed me in the past.

It is the reason I now very rarely send them, preferring to use online (BACS) transfers instead if I can get the bank details to do so. Failing that I offer cash.

In this instance it does sound as though there was insufficient communication between the OP and the in-laws. Clearly that could have been hammered out more fully.

Clearly finances are a problem here, and I do know what it is like to be very short of money. Been there and got more t-shirts than I really want for it.

When money is particularly short it can seem as if life is one long string of knock-back after knock-back, which is soul destroying. So, OP, I have some sympathy there. It is all very well for people to say live within your means, make sure the money is in your account etc. Sometimes the money simply isn't there (in real terms) in the first place.

The main thing I would say though is that it is always dangerous to make assumptions. I gather you probably weren't under any pressure to pay back the loan quickly. Better to wait until your financial position improves so that you can cover it more easily. Cheques are losing out big time to online banking for precisely this sort of reason. Online transactions are more or less immediate, as is cash. So people know immediately what their financial position is. No question about that.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 02/12/2014 19:36

In answer to your question, no it is not unreasonable to cash a cheque 2 months after being given it.

Is is unreasonable to think you shouldn't have to pay back a debt? You bet it is.

MiddletonPink · 02/12/2014 21:06

Haha you think this is bitchty?
OP you've got off lightly let me tell you.

You can't see how all of this is your doing and that's a worry.

MiddletonPink · 02/12/2014 21:07

Bitchy even!

kim147 · 02/12/2014 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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