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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 months to cash a cheque - AIBU?

88 replies

catmadmum · 02/12/2014 14:00

Last year DH suddenly lost his job. I was in total panic and he reluctantly asked his parents if they could lend us some money. They did - quite happily and of course we never had this money to really pay back (£2k) as we have 2 small kids, childcare, live in London etc etc. Anyway, I took a bank loan out in September and sent his parents the £2k back. He didn't think they'd cash it as they honestly don't need the money. They spend next to nothing, buy value everything, and have a good pension. Even DH's mother said that his dad probably wouldn't cash it. Anyway, I've just checked my bank account and the money just went out. I've just been buying kids xmas presents (more to buy) but am suddenly massively overdrawn. I'd really thought that after 2 months he wouldn't cash the cheque and I have bought the kids a few nice things. I'm so mad that it's taken him 2 months to cash the cheque and I know he did a really good deed by letting us borrow the money but in all honesty in the 16 years I've been with DH he's never given us a penny. My parents who are less well off help us out all the time and spend lots on the kids (as well as give them lots of time). They don't need the money and it'll probably go to one of DH's siblings. They think as we live in London that we are well off but we are not! So pissed off so just needed a rant and can't do it on facebook!

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 02/12/2014 15:55

Yabu and very entitled thinking the world owes you something. I can't believe you are mad at them for helping you outHmm. You must a wonderful dil.

LIZS · 02/12/2014 15:56

Noone 's making assumptions , just trying to clarify the current situation . What made you offer the money back and write the cheque if you couldn't really afford to yet? Were they pressuring you , did dh feel obliged, could you not have asked them to wait longer ? You did ask for a loan not a gift .

HighwayDragon · 02/12/2014 15:56

You do have an issue here, but it's not with your in laws. The catalyst for all of this has been your dh, he borrowed the money, he convinced you they wouldn't cash it, and you took a loan to cover what is essentially his debt, are you crazy?! 3 jobs in 3 years, unless he is a contractor I suggest that maybe you need to think about his attitude to work.

Original poster
catmadmum · 02/12/2014 15:56

"Did you expect everyone to say how evil the PIL's are for daring to get their money back which you 'borrowed?'"

Not at all - I've not even disagreed that I am being unreasonable. I just came on here to vent a little after having a big shock when I checked my bank account.

I don't get why people have to be so mean when giving replies. And yes a lot of the posts have been bitchy.

OP posts:
LIZS · 02/12/2014 15:58

You posted in AIBU ... If you just wanted support maybe that wasn't wise.

specialsubject · 02/12/2014 15:59

it wasn't your money. You wrote a cheque which is a promise to pay.

someone else who prioritises retailmas presents over food on the table and roof over head, I fear. Take the presents back and stop buying right now.

facts aren't rude. Even though they may not be what you want to hear.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 02/12/2014 16:00

Get a grip op no one is bitch towards you.

Can't handle straight talk, don't ask the bloody question!

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 16:02

You may not get state handouts, but you wanted a PIL handout, didn't you?

LennyCrabsticks · 02/12/2014 16:03

I seriously don't understand how anyone would write a cheque for 2k and then spend the money.

Mental.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 02/12/2014 16:03

Why is it all you asking for the help and taking out the loans and sending cheques?

Why is your DH not driving this, given that it's his family?

ouryve · 02/12/2014 16:05

What a shame you didn't get the answers you wanted, in order to validate your unreasonable gripe Hmm, but seriously, if you give them their money back, after borrowing money from them, why shouldn't they cash the cheque? It's not up to you to decide whether they need the money or not. It's their money in the first place.

If they didn't spend next to nothing, they possibly wouldn't have been able to lend you the money in the first place, for any length of time.

So the correct response isn't "but they shouldn't have cashed the cheque". The correct response is gratitude that they helped you through a sticky patch.

DoJo · 02/12/2014 16:05

OP - I can understand why you are annoyed, but I agree with a previous poster who said that most of that annoyance should probably be directed inward. If you have had a hard time of things financially, then this must have been a blow, but honestly, you can't really blame them for taking you at your word and accepting the money that they lent you back. You may feel resentful at the help they offer your siblings-in-law and it might have been helpful for them to cash the cheque immediately if they planned to do it all along, but likewise you should have kept the money aside or asked them outright if they planned to cash it before spending the money elsewhere.

You obviously know them better than anyone here, but is it possible that they thought you wanted them to cash the cheque? It sounds like you have a bit of a fraught relationship with them, so perhaps they assumed that you wanted to 'clear the debt' and not be beholden to them any more? It's a shame that it has all blown up so close to Christmas, but it's really not their fault that you have been left short in all this. I hope you can still have a nice Christmas - perhaps do something special together which won't cost the earth (treasure hunt, putting on a festive family show or similar) to make it special for everyone without needing to spend too much.

Mammanat222 · 02/12/2014 16:09

I do see the OP's point of view.

However there was always far too much assumption about it all? No-one actually sat down and said yes we will cash the cheque.

Where the OP does fall down is sounding a bit catty about the PIL helping out her DH's other siblings? I wonder why her and hubby are actually privy to such info?

ExitPursuedByABear · 02/12/2014 16:09

I sometimes take months to cash cheques as I can't be arsed going to the bank.

forago · 02/12/2014 16:12

yabu, it was clearly stated as a loan. I also takes months to cash a cheque due to the not being arsed going to the bank thing. I would probably make more of an effort for a 2K one.

this is why if I ever have to send anyone money I do it via internet banking so you can see where you are.

Calloh · 02/12/2014 16:36

OP, I would be really pissed off if someone took so long to cash such a large cheque. I also can see why this must have been especially tricky as your mIL had hinted that it may never be cashed - a very frustrating situation.

I don't think you should think about your PILs' money, it seems unlikely that they would be giving large sums to your DH's siblings and not to your DH, but even if they do it is still their business. Worrying about how much money other people have and what they do with it, is the route to going bitter and bonkers.

Iristutu · 02/12/2014 16:40

You can't declare everyone bitchy because they don't agree with you.

Your irresponsible with money, you borrowed even more money ( to pay back the loan) then blew it. Your buying expensive presents when You haven't got any money. ( are badly in debt)

Your entitled and leading a lifestyle you can't afford. Your stroppy because your parents give you hand outs and you feel your inlaws should to.

Entitled much?

aJumpedUpPantryBoy · 02/12/2014 17:24

I think if you wrote the cheque you had to be 100% prepared for it to be drawn on at any time.
My sister lent me £4000, nine months later I had paid her back £2500 in instalments and I was in a position to pay the balance.
I sent her a cheque, she came to visit me and ripped up the cheque telling me that I was to book a holiday as a treat from her using the money and that I did not owe her anymore.
I'm very lucky that she is incredibly generous, and was in a position to offer help when we needed it. However, at no time did I expect not to have to repay her the full amount.

DaisyFlowerChain · 02/12/2014 17:29

You wrote a cheque and then spent the money, completely your fault and not the PILs.

You are both adults with your own family, stop relying on others and start living within your means.

GoringBit · 02/12/2014 17:43

OP, I think you recognise that YABU, but I also think that you're getting an unnecessarily hard time here. AIBU seems to be particularly spiky at the moment, so if I were you, I'd back away from the thread completely, or even ask to have it zapped.

I hope you get back on track soon.

feebeecat · 02/12/2014 17:54

Slight aside but, had an amount disappear out of my account few months ago, got on phone to bank and established it was a cheque I wrote SEVEN YEARS ago Shock
Man at bank insisted there is no time limit on them & as I had signed it I had agreed to that amount going out of my account seven years ago
So, two months? That's nothing!! However, mine wasn't for anywhere near that amount & I do think that having held onto it for that length time they might have warned you first. Or at least I would've done so.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/12/2014 18:04

Has it actually been cashed or did the cheque bounce? I think you should move some of remaining loan into your current account since that was the money you intended to pay back your PILs with. Then you won't be overdrawn. Then I would cut back your expenditure as much as you can so that your debts don't spiral. It does sound as though you are currently living well beyond your means.

addictedtobass · 02/12/2014 18:13

Is this about the cheque itself OP or do you see this as a sign that your DP is not a favourite child? From your updates it sounds like they've helped out his other siblings but never yourself so you presumed this way their way to even the score when they didn't cash right away?

The length of time taken to cash and you both not budgeting just in case is unreasonable, but if this is more about your DH being the disfavoured child then I'd do a post about that because that is something a lot of people can relate to. When it comes to borrowing money it's different.

MrsKoala · 02/12/2014 18:15

oh dear. i can see how you could convince yourself of this and i think your DH has been misleading saying what mil said.

You say you have spent it on the dc presents? It can't be that much of it then can it? - As you say you have had a rough time financially i would assume you wouldn't overstretch yourself for xmas just in case (especially on presents). How much have you spent and can you take the presents back? - as i also assume they have been stashed and unopened and the dc don't know you have bought them?

I'm confused tho - if you had put the money in a separate account (as i would do too) how have you gone overdrawn, or was there less than £2k left out of the 15k?

I also assume you are making monthly repayments and once the presents have been taken back would just about be straight and can resume these?

fluffyraggies · 02/12/2014 18:20

how have you gone overdrawn, or was there less than £2k left out of the 15k?

I was wondering that to be honest. I think it would have been prudent to keep at least 2K in the account for about a year if case the cheque was cashed. After that time, if i thought i really needed to spend the money i'd run it past the ILs.

OP i think it was bad of your MIL to make you think they wouldn't
cash the cheque.

You really have to get a hold of your money management skills though.