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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think co-sleeping is not a 'bad habit'?

89 replies

Carrierpenguin · 08/11/2014 14:08

I've co-slept with dd since birth (safely when she was a baby, followed all Dr Sears advice etc). She's about to turn three now and has decided she doesn't want to use her cot at all, she only wants to sleep in 'mummys bed'. So I've made the room safe, so I can pop downstairs once she's asleep and spend an hour working/housework/TV before I go to bed.

However, if ever sleeping comes up in conversation with other parents, they all wince and talk of 'bad habits' wrt to my sleeping arrangements. I don't have a view on what they do, but if dd and I go to sleep cuddling, snuggle together all night and wake up happy, how can this be a bad habit for us? We're happy, I'm getting paranoid that I'm doing something terribly wrong though judging by people's reactions. I assume dd will grow out of sleeping in my bed but happy to go at her pace, I doubt I'll have and 18 yo wanting mum I'm single too, so lots of space with no dh.

OP posts:

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 08/11/2014 14:10

Not a bad habit at all - is a lovely thing to do for as long as everyone is happy with it.

Snapespotions · 08/11/2014 14:11

No, of course it's not a bad habit - it's the norm in many parts of the world.

I co-slept with dd till she was 6 or 7, at which point she decided of her own accord to move into her bedroom. I don't know if it is connected, but she is one of the most confident, securely attached children that I know. It certainly does no harm, and I am inclined to think it did her a lot of good.

formerbabe · 08/11/2014 14:15

It would be a bad habit for me as I would not like to co-sleep and I enjoy my evenings once my kids are in bed...one hour would not be enough for me to watch TV/eat dinner/do some chores before bed. If you are happy with the arrangement though, it is your business.

canweseethebunnies · 08/11/2014 14:15

YANBU. I had to give up caring about other peoples judgements with my dd. I got sick of having to justify myself! Dd was a bad sleeper, I was single, so she slept in with me. She progressed to going to bed in her own when she was about three, though, although she still came into my bed every night when she woke until she eventually started sleeping through at four ish.

She's five and a half now. Sleeps in her own bed. No bad habits formed!

Do what suits you and ignore other peoples reactions.

EatDessertFirst · 08/11/2014 14:22

If it works for you then it can't be bad. You'll get a wide spectrum of parents here though.

It would never have worked for us for a multitude of reasons (I sleep too lightly, DP sleeps to heavily, both DC hated being too hot/cuddled while sleeping etc etc). Both my DC are confident, independent and very much loved and secure. We haven't damaged them by not co-sleeping .

CobbOnn · 08/11/2014 14:27

I love cosleeping with my 12mo DS. I cuddle him to sleep in my bed at half seven, have my evening, and rejoin him at 10. The bf nights meant I never had to get out of bed or hear him cry. It is a bit harder now he's on a bottle.

I just avoid the topic of conversation tbh. Or say that he was in with me as a one off if im talking about something in particular. Can't help feeling like other people will judge me- call me lazy etc, when it feels so natural for us. To me a baby on his own in his own room seems totally wrong!

I see my boy as a little pup. In nature, the mother is with her young at night to protect them when at their most vulnerable.

Wish more people see it as normal in the UK. (Have similar thoughts about breastfeeding)

ghostspirit · 08/11/2014 14:32

i co slept with all my children. they have all gone into their own bed age 3 or 4. my 4 year old just went into her own bed and room about 3 months ago when i found out im pregnant. wanted to do it now so she did not feel pushed out by baby. she went really well. probably because her siblings are in their own beds so just copied them.

FryOneFatManic · 08/11/2014 14:37

If it works for you......

I would, however, make sure she has her own room ready for whenever she feels like using her own bed, so she knows that room is her own space, with bedding, etc ready, and maybe some books and toys in there.

It's not to try and force the issue of your DD moving out of your room, but most of use do like our own space, and children are no different.

Welshwabbit · 08/11/2014 14:46

Co-sleeping is only a bad habit if you don't want to be doing it. For me it was never a good option as I am a very light sleeper; my son is a wriggler and snores (!) and my husband and I like to sleep in the same bed on our own. I can see other potential problems too, such as subsequent children. But if it works for you, your kids and your partner (if you have one) then I say go for it.

Piratejones · 08/11/2014 15:26

Since we've had fireworks going off every night my 6 year old hasn't been in his own bed for weeks, i love it.

ByTheWishingWell · 08/11/2014 15:43

DD is 14 months, she has always slept with us and is welcome to do so for as long as she wants. As long as everyone in the bed is happy with it, it isn't a bad habit. I know it won't happen forever (I have never known a 16 year old to cosleep), so I just enjoy the snuggles while she's happy to have them with me!

5madthings · 08/11/2014 15:45

Yanbu we have co slept with all the madthings, youngest is nearly four and still in our bed, she does have her own bed but is happy in with us.

They grow out of it when they are ready ime.

whatshallwedo · 08/11/2014 15:49

I co-sleep with my 2.5year old because it means that we both get a full nights sleep which is very important to me.

Other family members (not a dp as i'm single) do feel the need to comment on it, especially as I am also bf, but I don't think it is anyone elses business. We will continue to co-sleep until dd wants to go into her own bed.

kateclarke · 08/11/2014 15:52

My dd is 11 and we still co sleep, have done since day 1. We are both happy, but tbh I don't talk about it irl as I can imagine the responses I would get.

Dinnerfor1 · 08/11/2014 15:56

YANBU at all. As long as you are both happy and getting the sleep you need then there is no problem.

We don't co-sleep, but people would probably think how we put dd (nearly 2) to bed as a "bad habit". Either dh or I lie next to her in her little bed, cuddling her until she drifts off. We love it though. We get sleepy cuddles, renditions of twinkle twinkle, and occasionally she will lean over to give little kisses before she goes to sleep. For us it is a nice, calm way to end the day, but definitely not what super nanny would advise!

Queenofknickers · 08/11/2014 15:57

If it's a bad habit it hasn't stuck with my now 9 yo DS who happily sleeps in his own bed - took himself off there when he was 3!

anothermakesthree · 08/11/2014 16:10

I think each to their own, but I think I would find it difficult to have to cuddle a child to get them to sleep, what would happen if you were not able to be there at bedtime?

5madthings · 08/11/2014 16:12

When I am not there at bedtime ie twice this week a friend has babysat and he read stories, tucked her up and said goodnight. Just because a child co sleeps and is cuddled to sleep by a parent doesn't mean they won't go to bed for someone else :)

LiviaEmpressoftheUniverse · 08/11/2014 16:23

Co-sleeping is a normal, natural habit that has worked for people around the world for as long as there have been human beings.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/11/2014 16:46

I sometimes sleep with my 7 m/o but I do class it as a bad habit because it's something we've both fallen in to and now he depends on it. As much as I love co-sleeping I would much prefer it if he could fall asleep and stay asleep in his own cot.

mummyrunnerbean · 08/11/2014 16:58

We're currently co-sleeping, sometimes all in the bed, sometimes with DS(nearly 4 months) in the side cot. I love it, but I think in DP's head it's a bad habit as he commented happily the other day that 'we're more than halfway to putting him in his own room!' I might stretch it a bit longer than six months but not too long as it's only good as long as everyone's happy with it.

HamishBamish · 08/11/2014 16:58

YANBU. We have always co-slept with both our children and they are free to sleep in their own beds if they want. I don't often discuss our sleeping arrangements as I find a lot of people respond with hysterical nonsense. They seem to live in constant fear their children might want to come into their beds and never leave!

For us co-sleeping is a flexible arrangement for all concerned.

milkpudding · 08/11/2014 17:00

I co sleep with my five month old and she goes to sleep easily and sleeps very well. If she does wake I feed her back back to sleep easily, no need to get up. I love waking up to her 'singing' in the morning. We will think about another bed later, for now we both get a better nights sleep for being together.

Yes people do have different reactions. I have been surprised how many other mums co sleep at least some of the time. If I receive criticism, I just reflect that co sleeping is normal throughout much of human history and many societies today.

SparkyLark · 08/11/2014 17:01

Of course its not, its lovely, Carrierpigeon; your experience sounds very similar to mine

A social worker did pop by once though and say I was "making a rod for my own back" .

My son got too big by the time he was about 6 - all that kicking and moving around started to wake me - but he still jumps in occasionally

BertieBotts · 08/11/2014 17:08

IME just because you cuddle them to sleep doesn't mean they don't go down for someone else.

I also co slept and DS went perfectly happily to his own room at just gone two, loved it. He's six now and doesn't ever come into our bed.

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