to think co-sleeping is not a 'bad habit'?

[Carrierpenguin]

I've co-slept with dd since birth (safely when she was a baby, followed all Dr Sears advice etc). She's about to turn three now and has decided she doesn't want to use her cot at all, she only wants to sleep in 'mummys bed'. So I've made the room safe, so I can pop downstairs once she's asleep and spend an hour working/housework/TV before I go to bed.

However, if ever sleeping comes up in conversation with other parents, they all wince and talk of 'bad habits' wrt to my sleeping arrangements. I don't have a view on what they do, but if dd and I go to sleep cuddling, snuggle together all night and wake up happy, how can this be a bad habit for us? We're happy, I'm getting paranoid that I'm doing something terribly wrong though judging by people's reactions. I assume dd will grow out of sleeping in my bed but happy to go at her pace, I doubt I'll have and 18 yo wanting mum I'm single too, so lots of space with no dh.

Not a bad habit in the slightest. DS and I co-slept until he was 10 months old. Then he started getting into my bed whenever he felt like it. Up until he was five, we used to go through stints of a few weeks, where he'd just climb into mine and go to sleep. He still sleeps fine on his own, or round anyone else's.

But yes, the 'rod for my own back' line used to come up from my parents. A lot.

I part time cosleep with my ds2 nearly 4. Some nights he sleeps in his own bed, some nights he starts in his and comes down to me. If I ever need to get a full nights unbroken rest he stays in his. I figure one day he won't want to sleep in my bed and I'll miss it then.

Personally speaking I think it's a totally batty idea. But if you're happy it's right for you then it shouldn't matter what other folk think.

I love it now. I love the cuddles and the ease of settling DC back to sleep. I've only started enjoying it now DC is a toddler. Before that, I worried a lot about the safety aspect and wished they would settle and sleep in a cot!

Co sleeping is fab. So long as you and DD are happy don't let anyone put you off.

YANBU

I wouldn't call it a bad habit but I would hate it. My bed is for me and DH. They come in for cuddles every morning and on the odd occasion when they're ill. I would also be concerned in your position about when you have a new partner.

The poster who still has an 11 year old in their bed, I take my hat off to you. That would drive me bat shit crazy though.

I think it depends on how it affects the marriage.

I have a friend who's two kids slept in the master bed until the age of 6 & 7. And they were TALL! There just wasn't room for 4 people in that bed - they only had a double as the room wasn't huge. So basically for 7 years the DH slept in a pink princess bed that his daughter refused to even look at.

I know it very badly affected their sex life. In fact, I suspect from the odd comment that it really killed it stone dead. The kids just would not budge out of there. Very headstrong. Eventually at 7 they grew out of it, but nobody was happy those last few years.

The thing is with co-sleeping, there never seems to be a Plan B. Everyone assumed those kids would grow out of it at 3. But when they didn't nobody knew what to do!

It's a bad habit if it negatively impacts on you. Doesn't sound like it is so I don't see the problem. Your child your choice

YANBU. Co sleeping was the only way I could manage to breastfeed my dd and get a decent night's sleep. She is 3.5 now and has her own room and bed but still occasionally crawls in with me. The only thing I would say to people who co sleep with babies is to research thoroughly (as you did) and make their bedroom a safe environment.

I don't want to get in the habit of co-sleeping because I want my husband in my bed, not my baby.

I have a DD age 9 and DS age 8, we do co sleeping. I have one up with me and DP has the other with him on our two sofas in the living room.

This is mainly because of DD and her wakefulness. The idea is that the parent with DD will prevent her leaving the room and if that fail then the parent with DS will prevent her getting to him! Not always successful!

But you do what works for you.

OP has said that she is single and hasn't stated that she is looking for a partner, so the husband/boyfriend comments aren't really relevant to her.

I'm a single parent to a DS 19 months old, we have co slept a lot. I wrestled with it for quite a while, felt guilty (the bad habit thing), everyone was telling me about the rod for my own back etc.

Now not only do I accept it but I largely really like it. It's just us two, peas in a pod. He has his own room and his own cot, he naps in his cot, and usually goes to sleep in his cot and joins me when I come up (he hears me and calls out for me).

One thing I have learnt is to not give a flying f**k what anyone else thinks!

This week he's been on my bed from the start because of the bloody fireworks!

Up until about 18, my slightly immature DB would go to DM in the night if he felt worried. I'm happy to share a bed with her too if I get the opportunity. Extreme co-sleeping admittedly, but it's just an expression of our comfortable and affectionate relationship. One of the great luxuries of a birthday or Christmas - or just a lazy weekend - morning used to be to natter through at least two cups of tea in bed. I think all that stems from my DM's childhood when she and her sisters shared a room.

I'm perfectly happy to co-sleep with DD (4) if she wants and don't hae a choice with DS, who insists! I especially love work mornings because the both demand morning cuddles in our bed. Wonderful.

lapsed - do you mean you still sleep with your mom if the opportunity is there? Or just if there is no other option?

YANBU!

DS coslept with us throughout the night until he was 2.5. Then he moved to a toddler bed in his own room, and he started the night there but would wake and come in to us in the early hours.

Now he's nearly 6, and most nights he sleeps in his bed, but sometimes he still appears in our bed about 5 or 6 and goes back to sleep for a bit. Getting a bit full in there as he has a sister now - DD (18mo) who sleeps in with us! But I wouldn't have it any other way. If they need to be near us at night, I'm happy with that and confident they'll grow out of it in their own time.

Well dp and I have been together 17 years so far and having a child or even children in the bed with us has not been a problem. Plenty of space as have a big bed. And you always hear the 'what about sex' bollocks. Well the children sleep; and you don't just have to have sex in the bedroom. Interestingly as we have had more children no one says anything about the sex issue anymore, with five children it's clear that yes we have sex.

Another it has never happened that neither dh or I are there to cuddle her to sleep, but I am confident she would go to sleep for other people. She naps well at nursery and I'm fairly sure they don't get down on the floor and cuddle her to sleep! Also, she will go to sleep in the cot by herself, with some crying, but we prefer the cuddling option!

Yanbu. It's perfectly normal to want to be close to your offspring and for them to feel safer and more secure being close to you. It's just nature... It happens all over the world and isn't even questioned and you don't exactly see animals distancing themselves from their young at night time now do you?

What I think people often lose sight of is how short childhood actually is and the fact they won't want to be in your bed forever. They're not exactly going to insist on sleeping in your bed when they're 16 now are they? . They leave of their own accord, most often when they want to feel like a 'big girl/boy' and have their own space.

Mine wanted to stop at a really young age, I co slept with all of them as babies and when they all got to about 18 months they wanted out. I was sadder than they were about it. They do sometimes sneak in for a cuddle in the mornings though now which is super sweet.

Whatever works for you is fine. It clearly makes you both happy so screw the other mums! Do what works best for you and DD.

I don't get the sex thing either. I'm sure if you co-sleep it doesn't mean you all go to bed at the same time, so there would be plenty of time in the evenings. And there are places you can have sex other than the family bed!

I mean if I'm staying over without kids (never do that any more). Love to just natter until falling asleep. She has cancer and won't get better . I'd dearly love to sleep over more often while she's here.

Like feeding to sleep, this is one of the entirely normal things that certain health professionals seem to get on their high horses about. I entirely understand that some people don't like it and don't want to co-sleep themselves, but for, say, a HV to make faces and talk about 'bad habits' annoys me. DH and I adore co-sleeping with our two year old. We just bought him a bed, but we'll be very sad not to be co-sleeping any more, even if reading and uncomplicated sex are the pay-off.

I agree with the 'whatever works for you' brigade. We never co-slept in the early days, but our DS was in ur room in his cot until 18 months. Then he moved to his own room. The last 4-5 months he has suffered from dreadful nightmares, so I often go in and sleep in his bed with him (double bed). DH is away alot, and so recently I will ask him where he wants mummy to sleep, and he will say with him. When DH is home I just tell him that 'daddy needs mummy to be with him' and there is never an issue. The only real issue is that DS is a bit of a thrasher and usually kicks me in the head several times a night.