to think co-sleeping is not a 'bad habit'?

[Carrierpenguin]

I've co-slept with dd since birth (safely when she was a baby, followed all Dr Sears advice etc). She's about to turn three now and has decided she doesn't want to use her cot at all, she only wants to sleep in 'mummys bed'. So I've made the room safe, so I can pop downstairs once she's asleep and spend an hour working/housework/TV before I go to bed.

However, if ever sleeping comes up in conversation with other parents, they all wince and talk of 'bad habits' wrt to my sleeping arrangements. I don't have a view on what they do, but if dd and I go to sleep cuddling, snuggle together all night and wake up happy, how can this be a bad habit for us? We're happy, I'm getting paranoid that I'm doing something terribly wrong though judging by people's reactions. I assume dd will grow out of sleeping in my bed but happy to go at her pace, I doubt I'll have and 18 yo wanting mum I'm single too, so lots of space with no dh.

My 11YO has AS and appalling sleep patterns. She is also very anxious so, on nights when she can't settle she comes into bed with me when I go to bed.

When DH comes up later, he either moves her if she's asleep or leaves her where she is and uses her bed.

A CAMHS practitioner recently gave me a long lecture in front of her about safety, privacy and appropriateness and caused DD2 no end of stress thinking she shouldn't be coming into our bed.

I wrote a letter of complaint and, although we didn't receive an apology, a year later, it has not been mentioned again.

I co sleep with my 16 month old - just me and her now. I do get the odd comment from inlaws/other people which make me feel I'm doing the wrong thing but we both sleep well this way, both get good nights sleep so until she doesn't want to anymore I'm happy to continue.

It would have been my worst nightmare. The fact that I could put my DC to bed for twelve undisturbed hours and sleep peacefully with DH in our own bed was the only break from them I ever got when they were young, and psychologically I needed that space.
But each to their own of course.

We part co-sleep and part let them fall asleep in their own beds. It depends on how they feel.

Thanks for all the thoughts and support! I have no plans to have another relationship for some time and have been single for a couple of years. If I met a man I wouldn't move dd from my bed for him as I wouldn't have any serious relationship until she's much older, she's my priority for now.

Oddly the hv at dds 2.5year check seemed adamant that I shouldn't co sleep as I should be looking for a man

YANBU

Still co-sleeping with my DS, four years on from giving up on the night time faff of getting out of my bed, going to the cot, feeding, trying to go back to sleep, repeat etc., and the lightbulb moment 2 weeks in when I realised I could feed a newborn AND get decent sleep if we co-slept.

Honestly, you try telling some people that it's one good way of actually getting sleep in the early stages and they simply don't want to listen, look at you like you're strange, and then still keep complaining that they aren't sleeping!

Also, it's worth bearing in mind that you don't have to have sex in your bed, you know... variety is the spice of life and all that.....

I managed to meet and have sex with my now DH while DS was cosleeping. We just did it elsewhere.

If your relationship/sex life is healthy anyway, lack of a bed to do it in isn't much of a barrier at all. I suspect if sex life is failing it's nothing to do with where the children sleep and far more to do with difficulties in the relationship as a whole (which may of course include differences in parenting choices but that's not a reason to change them, that alone won't break up a marriage).

I can understand that some people don't like it and so it makes sense for them not to do it. But silly to say that it's a terrible idea for everyone, clearly it's not.

Have never co slept....love a snuggle in our bed with dd in the morning but No way would I have her in bed with us all the time. Would have terrified me when she was tiny. Each to their own.

DD slept in my bed on and off when she was young but always struggled to sleep on her own and we had big battles over it (think supernanny TV style 'back to bed' technique keeping us up all night).
When she was about 7 she got very bad, terrified at night and despite every technique being consistently applied there was nothing I could do to get her asleep in her own bed. It left both of us sleep deprived and angry. She ended up in my bed at 4am anyway. I ended up just letting her, we both got a good nights sleep. I was single so no DH to worry about too. She slept in my bed most nights until she was about 12 when she decided herself she wanted to stop it. She struggled for a bit but eventually just stopped one night and never came back.
She is now 21 and unharmed from sleeping in her mums bed.
I guess the only issue that can ever come from it is your sex life if you do have a DP/DH.

I have a couple of friends who sleep with their DCs, and they happily assume it will change one day. I hated it when bony-elbowed, snuffling DD slept in my bed. And she won't consider it now, even when poorly. But, as a species, this is what we have done throughout our history and there is nothing to judge...

I did it out of necessity with DS1 because he was a bloody awful sleeper. Year later I found there was an underlying problem affecting his sleeping.

So with DS2 he was in the bed from day 1.

They both sleep in their own rooms now with the odd visit in the early hours from ds2.

When DH is away, they love nothing better than all three of us piling in the big bed and sleeping together.

Ok honest opinion - I think this is alla bout your needs and not your DDs best interests.You are creating a child who is going to be afraid to sleep without you

Hmmm my thoughts too.Seems to be all about op's needs not the child's.

Hope the child is getting enough hours sleep(op says she nips down for an hour after said child is asleep) as study after study shows lack of sleep hinders development,education etc.

Agree. It sounds like the needs of the parent taking over that of the child's. I have no issue with occasional co-sleeping say when children have a cold/illness.

When it becomes an every day thing then I think you are being unreasonable.

It's what humans did throughout history until the Victorians interfered and put babies in cots. The posters claiming it to be about the adults' needs have got it the wrong way round; your husbands are grown-ups and need you far less than your babies. A couple of years of reduced sex life is par for the course with little ones.

However, I'm in the process of putting DS (2) in his own bed as I can't deal with the boob-grabbing and moaning that co-sleeping entails these days. It's a gradual process...sigh.

I believe there are studies available that show co-sleeping doesn't actually create a child who is afraid of sleeping alone, and that certainly they get enough sleep. Can't search right now, I'm off swimming. I'll see if I get time later.

I co-slept with my mother. I was afraid of the dark, afraid to be my own and it effected my confidence.

As i said, I don't do co-sleep with my children unless they are ill and need TLC. Then again I am anal about their bedtime. Like some other mums have said above I think co-sleeping has the potential to effect development and certainly self-confidence in children.

DS2 got a lot more sleep through co-sleeping - when we tried him in a cot he was up every hour without fail, crying every time. In our bed he sleeps all night, I get more sleep so less tired in the day, more energy and patience for them both etc.......

i have 2 opposte children, DS1 loves his bed and doesn't like sharing at all, loves snuggling in his bed alone before he goes to sleep. DS2 has always needed cuddling, assurance, hand holding. He is confident and secure and happy by day but at night he needs me. I don't know why but I know its not manipulation (as everyone always suggests), he needs me for comfort and to feel safe so we co-sleep.

He stopped in September for 7 weeks (his choice) then we went on holiday for half term and all shared a hotel room and since then he's been in with us again. He starts the night in his bed at 7pm but hears us come to bed later and potters in!

I recommend "Three in a Bed" on the subject of co-sleeping, it discusses some of those studies, the cultural context, and is generally pretty interesting. I found it reassuring when my co-sleeping confidence was knocked.

I've never thought of it as a bad habit. The fact DS will happy fall alseep in a strange location with strangers (I've used occasional care in a couple of different centers) suggest he doesn't have a problem falling asleep without me or my partner it's just his preference. It meets DS needs and our families needs, not a bad habit but a good working solution. If it stops being a working solution we'll look to change it.

This is definitely one of those "each to their own" topics. I never went down the 'feed to sleep' and 'co-sleeping' route as I just liked to do bedtime and get downstairs for some peace!

My two are 7 and 10 now and will often ask for a cuddle (in their bed) before they go to sleep which is lovely but that's it and that's what works for us.

I think it's fine if everyone's happy with it. But sometimes you form habits that you are fine with at the time but several years later wish you had nipped in the bud. One of my friends is at the end of her tether with a 10 year old who still won't sleep the night in her own bed.

Not a bad habit at all, we co slept with ds until he was about 8 months. He wouldn't be put down and cried all day most days, I remember buying a sling and beginning to co sleep and was told "not to give in" and I'd be making a rod for my own back. I just don't understand it. I felt like a completely shit mum as this was my second dc so I thought I'd know what I was doing. People making those comments really got to me. I rememmber for days just wondering around in town all day as I couldn't bear being at home listening to ds crying anymore. There wasn't many days I didn't cry myself. So co sleeping and a sling pretty much saved my sanity. Ds is now the happiest 22 month old and we still co sleep when he's poorly.

I never coslept with DC1 as he slept better in his cot. I did intermittently with DC2 when teething or ill. DC3 won't sleep in his own bed (5months), is awake every hour. So is in with me as it's the only way he or I get any sleep. In some respects it's lovely, but I am struggling with practicalities; 1. now the weather is colder, having duvet round my waist is making me freeze 2. He's rolling a bit and I am very paranoid about him falling out. I have 1 bed rail I could use but then would still have an unprotected side when I have to move him to the other boob. 3. I do still worry about rolling on him or being too close as he sleeps on his side as he feeds, so him overheating or suffocating. Can any of you seasoned co sleepers advise on any of this?