Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In needing my husband to kiss me

87 replies

Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 20:22

Anyone else suffer from this? He adores me, works hard for the family,is giving and intimate in bed yada yada yada...but he can't and won't kiss. After 17 years of trying to understand I'm struggling and we are now discussing separation . I love him but just don't know how to reconcile this with my need for a snog.
I'm close to leaving. Am ibu ?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 01/11/2014 20:25

You would be. Very unreasonable to leaves perfectly good relationship because of that.

Quitelikely · 01/11/2014 20:27

Yabu. Have you tried mouthwash and flossing?

With all due respect could it be hygiene related do you think

Molotov · 01/11/2014 20:28

Why won't he kiss you? You say he's intimate, but I would assume the contrary i.e. there are intimacy issues somewhere.
I don't think YABU, but I don't think I fully understand the situation.

ImperialBlether · 01/11/2014 20:28

Do you think so, arethere? Really?

What reason does he give, OP?

ImperialBlether · 01/11/2014 20:28

And how do you have sex without kissing?

VileStatistyx · 01/11/2014 20:29

what are his reasons for not wanting to?

I can't say whether you are or are not unreasonable. You feel how you feel and I know that for a lot of people, kissing is probably more important than sex.

I hate kissing. It revolts me. I can't do open mouth or anything with tongues. Kissing me is like getting a peck off your granny. I can't help it. I wish I could kiss but I just can't stop thinking about all your saliva in my mouth and it makes me want to vomit.

If he loves you very much and is affectionate and intimate and it really is just about kissing and there is nothing else wrong, then you have to ask yourself if it matters so much to you that you want to leave.

If it does, then it's obviously a vital thing for you and, well, at the end of the day if something is making you miserable, you have the right to leave.

nappiesandnaptimes · 01/11/2014 20:29

Has he ever kissed you? Is it some sort of phobia or hyper sensitivity issue?

usualsuspect333 · 01/11/2014 20:30

You are discussing separation because you don't snog ?

YABU.

DoJo · 01/11/2014 20:37

Has he always been like this? Do you have children, and if so does he kiss them? It seems like a terrible reason to leave an otherwise loving relationship, but you can't help how you feel - has he given any reasons for his refusal to kiss?

LuluJakey1 · 01/11/2014 20:38

Do people really not like kissing the person they love?

I love kissing DH. He is a fantastic kisser. I love the tenderness and losing ourselves in some lingering kisses is just bliss. And he gets this look on his face sometimes, a sort of determined look and I just know there's going to be kissing and I go all funny inside.

If he wouldn't kiss me, I don't know what I would do. I could not bear to be with him and not kiss him but I couldn't bear to be without him either.

I can't imagine how loving, giving sex can't involve kissing. Is that kissing on the mouth or kissing anywhere. I just can't imagine how great sex can not involve passionate kissing.

Thestandingjokeoftheyear · 01/11/2014 20:38

My DH doesn't kiss me either. He does during sex - sometimes - but if it's during the day I have to pretty much force him to give me even a peck! It does get me down but I really love him and he loves me so I don't make it a deal breaker. And when I do ever get to feel his yummy lips on mine I love it.
It would be a shame if you left your DH over this. Does he show you affection in other, nice ways?

Original poster
Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 20:38

It's caused huge issues in me . I've blamed myself (I am a woman after all!) but am finally accepting that it is his issue. He says it doesn't come naturally to him and therefore he never does it . I posted here to see how important it was to others .
He kissed before marriage but then stopped after. He doesn't do emotion easily-cant say 'I love you' etc . But I feel loved and wanted .

OP posts:
TheCowThatLaughs · 01/11/2014 20:38

I don't think yabu op. Kissing is what I miss most about being in a relationship. Has he explained why he doesn't kiss you?

gamerchick · 01/11/2014 20:40

some people don't like kissing.. as long as there are no hygiene issues on your part which he hasn't got the heart to tell you about then it may just be the way he is.. has he always been like this.

Seems a pretty rubbish reason to end a marriage but then i'm not you... if it's important and a deal breaker then it is what it is.

riverboat1 · 01/11/2014 20:40

How extreme is this? Does he give you a peck on the lips as a hello/goodbye? But just never a snog? Or will he not even give you a no-tongues lips-only kiss?

Original poster
Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 20:41

He loves me I know . Sex is intimate and very good - you get used to the lack kissing . Lately though I can't have sex without sobbing after . It's so integral to a relationship and miss it .

OP posts:
Original poster
Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 20:42

He cheek kisses us all. Never lips .

OP posts:
Original poster
Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 20:44

It's not hygiene ! I've been through all that - and all the rest . Tried it all.

OP posts:
Thestandingjokeoftheyear · 01/11/2014 20:44

My DH doesn't do 'I love you's either. But I know he thinks I'm the best person in the world, for him.
It's enough for me. There are a lot of men who kiss and say all the right things but are shits. Don't throw away what you have with your DH for one of those!

Redcherries · 01/11/2014 20:45

I dislike kissing 90% of the time. I find it claustrophobic and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I love my husband lots.

tak1ngchances · 01/11/2014 20:49

I also don't like kissing. It actually puts me right off sex. I will do a little bit of kissing for DH's sake though. Your husband needs to at least show willing!

LouiseBrooks · 01/11/2014 20:51

Has he always been like this? If so, didn't it bother you earlier on or is it just that it has now assumed more importance? I must admit I wouldn't have married a man who wouldn't kiss me. I love kissing (with the right person that is - which basically means someone who knows how to do it properly, I hate men who just shove their tongue in from the get go ).

I don't know if you are BU or not, to be honest but I can see it's a real issue for you. Have you thought about the two of you going for counselling - would he consider that? It does seem bizarre to me, frankly if he's never wanted to kiss. I would think there must be some underlying issue which definitely needs resolving.

Original poster
Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 20:57

My thoughts too - underlying issue, head for therapy. But he has refused for 17 years . Finally he realises its at crisis point . Now I'm talking about leaving . And that makes me so mad - I've tried everything to work it out . Now I'm talking separation he gets how important it is . It's the root of 90% of our issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
Waltonswatcher · 01/11/2014 21:00

It puts him off sex too . He will avoid my mouth and face at all costs . Happily kiss everywhere else though . That I find really odd .

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/11/2014 21:02

So in other words he either works it out and starts to grab you for a snog even though he doesn't like kissing or you're leaving him?

Christ on a bike just let the poor sod go ffs. He might find somebody who appreciates him for what he does do rather than what he doesn't.

You still haven't answered whether he's always been like this.

Swipe left for the next trending thread