In needing my husband to kiss me

[Waltonswatcher]

Anyone else suffer from this? He adores me, works hard for the family,is giving and intimate in bed yada yada yada...but he can't and won't kiss. After 17 years of trying to understand I'm struggling and we are now discussing separation . I love him but just don't know how to reconcile this with my need for a snog.
I'm close to leaving. Am ibu ?

She wouldn't be extremely foolish! It makes her unhappy, she's been unhappy about it and tried to understand for 17 years, her Dh won't discuss it even though it's something he used to do but stopped on honeymoon. That all sounds pretty shit to me and much much more than just a little thing he doesn't like.

Wow a lot of posters are giving you a hard time over this. You have my sympathy and please don't feel bad for realizing that the intimacy of kissing is important to you. Your DH has the right not to kiss and you have the right to want to be kissed. I don't have any advice for you I'm afraid, you've already mentioned therapy which sounds like the only option if he'll agree. I just wanted to give you some positive feedback to counter some of the other posts.

I have to say I don't understand how it's possible to really love someone and not want to kiss them. I can understand not always enjoying a full on Frenchie and I personally find it quite possible to kiss passionately without always going as far as tongues - and some men do just shove the tongue in without any finesse!

I can't help thinking about how prostitutes don't kiss their clients because it's too intimate. There has to be some kind of intimacy problem - unless it is that he thinks he's really crap at it. I think I'm hopeless at being on top and will do anything to avoid that position during sex and I know that therefore I probably am crap at it because I've hardly ever done it over the years. Nothing else bothers me much but that is a real sticking point for me.

I cannot give you advice with your current thoughts. All I can say from experience is that, when your husband is no longer there, you miss him dreadfully so be happy with and grateful for what you have.

is it just mouth to mouth kissing he has a problem with?

Could you compromise if he kissed other parts of your body during sex? Or won't he do that either?

I don't like kissing much. One bad experience made me a bit phobic about it and now when I kiss I end up freezing after a while.

My husband is a good kisser, I am super attracted to him but I much prefer small kisses to snogs. He understands that it isn't personal and it is not an issue.

We kiss each other on the lips often and that can be sensual. If he wanted to throw away a perfectly good marriage because I don't like kissing then I would be shocked.

I am sorry it's a big issue for you and while I can't personally understand it, it is obviously is causing you distress and that shouldn't be belittled, so I hope it is something you can solve somehow

I have to say I don't understand how it's possible to really love someone and not want to kiss them

I would love to want to kiss. I enjoy it from his end when we do it, he is a lovely kisser, but I just bloody freeze after a while. I can't seem to let go and enjoy it. My bad experience wasn't even that bad really. I don't understand my problem but it's there. Love has nothing to do with it, I couldn't love or fancy my husband more.

I personally don't understand how some people don't love giving oral sex, but plenty don't. I would never say that I don't know how it is possible to really love someone and not give them oral though. Not liking kissing doesn't mean you don't really love someone.

Waltons - I could of written your posts. My husband is exacally the same and for me it started on our honeymoon too. Although this has been going on for 8years for me!

I cry after sex as there is just something missing for me. It takes ages to get going and for me I can't get over it.

For me my situ is made worse because my DH cheated on me a few yrs ago and he kissed the OW numerous times and although I have forgiven for me I can't get over that. He said "at the time he was enjoying himself"

I have spoken to him numerous times and he doesn't like it appently. He was going to try harder but he avoids my face during. And he won't kiss me anywhere. After reading this I'm going to talk to him again tomorrow and find out if its a nope never doing it again or what. I can't live like this anymore and its so upsetting!

Just wanted to tell you that someone is also in the same boat as you!

Louise-I agree,I wad thinking the same wrt prostitutes.

Happy-she might leave him and miss him dreadfully OR she might meet someone who loves and adores kissing her and is happier than she's been for 17 years OR she might just be happier living on her own without the angst of wondering why her Dh won't even talk about the reason he doesn't like kissing her.

The fact that he stopped on honeymoon seems manipulative to me.

It is a difficult issue because he obviously does not like kissing (and this thread shows that many people are not big kissing fans) but you are letting the non-kissing affect your self worth. You say he is a good husband and you do not doubt his love for you.He works hard and is thoughtful in bed.Why does the kissing issue have such a priority? You read about women on FB sticking with guys who treat them appallingly and call them all sorts and restrict their finances and selfish in bed etc. It sounds like you have a really lovely partner who just does not like kissing. Is that really so bad? Why does it have any bearing on your self worth?You have stated that you know he adores you so it is not about him not caring for you. The thread caught my eye and I found it interesting reading the comments as it made me realise that DH and I snogged alot more before we were married too.The fact that it happens alot less now is not something I had really thought about much but I guess that means that DH and I must be a bit take it or leave it on the subject.We have certainly never found it integral to making love as there are plenty other 'warm ups' !

Just catching up with all of this. There's some really great posts- it's so enlightening to get a real spread of opinion. The kind words help.
Today I want to stay with him . The fear is overwhelming though-that I won't maintain a coping mechanism and the sad times will return .
He said last night that he will no longer fight it if I can't stay.
We've come so far in the last month and I'm so proud of us for really opening up - total honesty isn't so terrifying after all. And I don't think I blame me anymore . I'm actually over that. That feels good.