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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think engagement gift lists should just not be a thing?

79 replies

Boysclothes · 30/10/2014 22:48

I'm very laid back about weddings, think you can do whatever you want, don't mind a gift list or even a poem, think it's rude NOT to take a gift etc etc.

Got invited to an engagement party end of November. In the invite was a card with their engagement gift list details at JLs.

Just had a look and the stuff is wedding list stuff. Crockery, cutlery, sauce
pans, vases... Only one thing under twenty five quid. 75% of the stuff is over £75. The party is drinks in a bar, no meal or anything.

Is it me or am I going to be expected to buy basically two wedding gifts for this couple? And AIBU to find this very grabby and tacky?

(BTW, I don't need too much advice here. I will take a bottle of champagne and a card or get them twenty quids of JL vouchers. This thread is purely for judgementalism)

OP posts:
Loopylala7 · 30/10/2014 22:52

Quite grabby. I would ask if they were getting married at this 'party' given the wedding list they've provided?!

CheeseEqualsHappiness · 30/10/2014 22:53

Never heard of it and strikes me as grabby

sooperdooper · 30/10/2014 22:54

Really cheeky, I'd get a card and maybe a bottle of fizz for an engagement present, no way it should be a list

eurochick · 30/10/2014 22:55

I've never heard of anyone doing this. It is ridiculously grabby.

OldRoan · 30/10/2014 22:55

I went to one of these - turned out they were having a small family wedding abroad and this was instead of the wedding gift list.

Until I knew that I thought it was incredibly grabby. Now I'm not too sure - I still think it's a bit odd to ask for presents before the marriage, regardless of the size of wedding.

iwasabrooker · 30/10/2014 22:55

YANBU.

Card and bottle of fizz seems plenty!

Psycobabble · 30/10/2014 22:56

I didn't know there was such a thing! Very cheeky IMO !

ZenNudist · 30/10/2014 22:56

Ignore, they're trying it on. I've never got anyone an engagement gift and never received one. It might be a thing if you move in high society.

EleanorAbernathy · 30/10/2014 22:57

You can get engagement gifts.....? We've recently got engaged, and have never expected anybody to give us anything (we got a card which was a lovely surprise! :) )

browneyedgirl86 · 30/10/2014 22:57

Engagement gift lists?! For real?
I hate tacky poems requesting money for wedding presents. That's bad enough. But is it really the done thing to get engagement gift lists now?

Op yanbu. The couple are grabby!

oliviafrombolivia · 30/10/2014 22:58

I attended an engagement party with a gift list, and like a mug bought something. Couple later split up.. place your bets on whether we got the gifts back?

Original poster
Boysclothes · 30/10/2014 23:00

There is an absolutely bonkersly HUGE wedding happening next summer. This is absolutely not a secret wedding situation. Her dad is pretty well off I think, his family not so much (which we are part of) so maybe this is the done thing in her circles? Although I have plenty of married friends in her circles and have never been sent such a list.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 30/10/2014 23:01

It's most definitely not a thing! So far, at least. Don't pander to the grasping buggers; the more people go along with and normalise shite like this, the sooner it does in fact become a "thing".

carlsonrichards · 30/10/2014 23:04

VERY grabby. Bottle of fizz and a card. Ignore the list.

BonaDea · 30/10/2014 23:05

Yanbu. That is crass and grabby.

GenerationX2 · 30/10/2014 23:06

Very entitled in my opinion.

I live in the US where wedding list are standard - but I have never heard of an engagement list.

RonaldMcDonald · 30/10/2014 23:15

Lol at the very idea of an engagement gift

CromerSutra · 30/10/2014 23:19

Cheeky and greedy! I'd ignore and take a card and bottle of fizz.

Amy106 · 31/10/2014 00:34

I have never heard of this before. Sounds like twice the wedding gifts and very grabby to me.

BOFster · 31/10/2014 00:58

I've never heard of this, but if her family is loaded, maybe they are just very experienced grifters?

5446 · 31/10/2014 02:06

Friends of friends had an engagement list.

The bride also had a hen party present list.

And of course, the wedding gift list.

My friend, who was invited to the wedding, couldn't attend. The bride sent her an email to say how sorry she was, but here was her address to send over the presents.

minipie · 31/10/2014 02:29
Shock

Unbelieeeeevable. Never ever heard of this. Engagement drinks do not come with a gift list attached.

Bovnydazzler · 31/10/2014 07:14

Ridiculously grabby! Also having a list which assumes you'll spend +£75 also pretty vile.
I'd go for aldi/lidl champagne for your fizz-£12 plenty to spend just for attending a drinks evening (with probably no free bar...)

SpuffySummers · 31/10/2014 07:17

WTF? How grabby and entitled!

waithorse · 31/10/2014 07:24

I'd normally give a card and a bottle. In this case, it would just be a card. Angry

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