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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bad idea

92 replies

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 19:59

DSS (18) wants to meet up with a girl he's met on Tindr. She was going to come and stay but his Mum has said no. Instead, apparently, her parents are going to come and pick him up on Tuesday night at 7.30 from Sainsbury's carpark and take him to their house some 50 miles away.

He is insistent that he is going. AIBU to think it sounds really dodgy? (His Mum and Dad are also adamant that it is a terrible idea)

OP posts:

Annunziata · 24/10/2014 20:01

It's a terrible idea but he's 18, what can you do?

QueenBean · 24/10/2014 20:01

Yanbu, this is a terrible idea - how do you know that she is who she says she is? It's so easy to fake a tinder account

How do you know her parents have said it's a bad idea? Have you spoken to them personally or is this just what "she" has said?

Alarm bells ringing big time

QueenBean · 24/10/2014 20:02

Oh sorry misread his for her!

Why can't they have a normal first date - in a restaurant or something?

CluelessDil · 24/10/2014 20:02

He's 18, if I was the girls parents I'd be making him catch the bus!

Is your concern the girl isn't real because otherwise I'm struggling?

Spindarella · 24/10/2014 20:03

Oh fookinell that sounds a bit scary but as annuz says! what can you actually do?

SaucyJack · 24/10/2014 20:03

I'm more bothered that neither of them are capable of sorting a date out between them without their parents' input.

Can't he just take her out for a pint?

Spindarella · 24/10/2014 20:04

Actually, I'd drive behind him the entire 50 miles, because I don't trust anyone or anything of the internet and I'm assuming girl doesn't exist.

But he'll probably be fine.

thursday · 24/10/2014 20:06

Cripes, is that what the kids are doing these days? Meeting each other on tinder then getting their parents to facilitate meeting up cross country?? Not much you can do about 18 yr olds but I'd be uncomfortable with the whole deal.

MexicanSpringtime · 24/10/2014 20:06

What can you do? Lock him away until he gets a titter of wit! I suppose because I live in Mexico I am much more aware of these dangers, but that has so many alarm bells...

Annunziata · 24/10/2014 20:07

You have to have a Facebook account to have a tinder account though. It's all linked.

I would be having a hairy fit if he was mine, I admit!

ElephantsNeverForgive · 24/10/2014 20:08

He's 18. I'm guessing upper sixth/collage age. Next year he'll quite probably be living miles away and sleeping with Good knows who.

It's really hard (my never goes out 16y DD has gone to a Halloween event and while I'm delighted she, at last has DFs, it still scares me). But we have to learn to let go.

PillForgettingIdiot · 24/10/2014 20:09

He should go on a date if he fancies it. Same as any other online dating site.

But christ, don't let her come and stay.

Original poster

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 20:14

It's the picking him up from Sainsbury's car park that I think sounds dodgy. It could be anyone picking him up! He's never met this girl except via the internet, and has arranged to go and stay for 3 days.

I don't have issues with meeting people off the internet I have done it myself, but there is no way on this earth that I would let a stranger pick me up in their vehicle.

Even if she is who she says she is, would parents really do that? I cannot imagine agreeing to go and pick up a boy that my daughter has met on the internet to come and stay with us! Especially if the arrangements were that I was picking them up from a supermarket car park. The fact that they don't appear to be concerned about who he is, is also worrying.

I am surprised (and interested) that people think this is ok. I am a natural worrier though so perhaps I (and his mum and dad) are over-reacting?

OP posts:

Original poster

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 20:16

No issues with dating/getting a girlfriend etc etc all that would be very normal! I am concerned for his safety, but not sure if I am overreacting.

OP posts:

wickedlazy · 24/10/2014 20:18

No you're not. He must be quite naive. The first rule of meeting someone in real life for the first time, that you met online is to tell someone their user details, which site you met them on etc and when/where you plan to meet them. He has had enough sense to do this at least. The second rule is you should meet in a public place. Third rule, you should not accept a lift the first time you meet, you should already have transport home sorted out (drive home in your own car, bus, taxi etc). And you shouldn't go to their home or have them come to yours. The last extension of rule three has nothing to do with not sleeping with someone on a first date btw, usually in that situation (to sleep with someone on a first date or not) you have already met the person in real life before the first date... I think you are quite right to think this is a dodgy situation. Can you or his parents try and reason with him to stick to "the rules"?

MyEmpireOfDirt · 24/10/2014 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wickedlazy · 24/10/2014 20:23

Or at least get him to watch catfish on MTV lol

CluelessDil · 24/10/2014 20:24

Yeah I guess age isn't really the issue I'd be nervous for anyone agreeing to that so yanbu

iwishiwasacat · 24/10/2014 20:27

YANBU! I think it's bloody weird! Tinder is ultimately used for casual sex meetups. Fair enough that 18 year olds are having sex but getting your parents to drive you 50 miles just for a bit of strange is very odd.

wickedlazy · 24/10/2014 20:36

Maybe her parents are driving her in case the boy she wants to meet up with is a weirdo/psycho/axe murderer? And they don't want her to go alone? Which is fine in itself, but doesn't explain why they are happy to have a strange boy their daughter has literally just really met for the first time 50 miles ago stay for three days. Or why they want to pick him up in a random carpark? Unless they have been to the sainsburys before in the course of their travels, and are less likely to get lost by going there. Something a bit off about all this for sure. Could his dad drive him there, and wait with him until he gets picked up? If he's determined to stick to the plan?

AlfAlf · 24/10/2014 20:40

Seriously? No one would be happy/feel it was safe for their 18 year old dd to go off with a stranger off the internet for 3 whole days, so why should you think it ok for a DS/DSS?
That her parents (if that's even what they are..) apparently think his safety is neither here nor there is horrible.

YANBU.

They should meet up for coffee first and maybe bring a friend each.

notagainffffffffs · 24/10/2014 20:41

Why doesnt her search her profile pic in google? If its not really her then the original pic will crop up on search results

Original poster

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 20:44

Apparently his mum has asked to see her profile and he won't show her.. (sort of) good to hear that other people think this doesn't sound right. Now to decide what to do about it. I think it would be irresponsible to say 'he's 18 what can you do??'

Excellent ideas wickedlazy and notagain. The only trouble is that he is really, really does not listen to anyone.

OP posts:

lalalonglegs · 24/10/2014 20:45

There is no way that the people picking him up are a sweet teenager and her obliging parents. Do you think he is winding you up? If not, put a lock on his bedroom door and keep him captive until he learns some sense.

Original poster

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 20:45

A lecture on safety is likely to go in one ear and out the other as he's very much at that 'I'm 18 I can do what I want' stage... but some practical ideas to check safety, and/or reach a safe compromise would be good.

OP posts:

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