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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bad idea

92 replies

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 19:59

DSS (18) wants to meet up with a girl he's met on Tindr. She was going to come and stay but his Mum has said no. Instead, apparently, her parents are going to come and pick him up on Tuesday night at 7.30 from Sainsbury's carpark and take him to their house some 50 miles away.

He is insistent that he is going. AIBU to think it sounds really dodgy? (His Mum and Dad are also adamant that it is a terrible idea)

OP posts:
Darkandstormynight · 24/10/2014 23:29

No way in bloody hell would I think this was ok!

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 24/10/2014 23:43

I have splinters. I much prefer them at 18 months than years...

blanklook · 24/10/2014 23:43

Look at it from the girl's parents' point of view. Your 18 yo dd says she's talked to a boy on Tinder and wants to meet him in RL.

Is your first reaction 'Oh lovely dd, let's find a supermarket car park to pick him up, then he can come here and stay for 3 days'

Come on, no-one behaves like that there's either a huge load of backstory missing or he's going to be literally taken for a ride.

This whole thing is fishy beyond words. Please OP, get as much detail as you can and if he's insistent on going, make sure you follow him without his knowledge and get the registration of the vehicle that collects him and photos of the occupants.

Please also update the thread, I can't be the only one concerned that he needs to be able to see sense and abandon this crazy idea.

MrSheen · 24/10/2014 23:51

There is no way in a million years that my 18 yo self would tell my parents I'd met someone on a hook up sight or anywhere, let alone persuade said parents to allow him to stay for 3 days when I haven't even clapped eyes on him and get them to do a 100 mile round trip to a car park to pick him up.

Nobody does that.

She is either a liar or a maniac, or both.

Why can't they just go on a date?

LaurieFairyCake · 24/10/2014 23:54

Eh?

Go out somewhere together first?

Don't expect your parents to facilitate casual sex!

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2014 00:10

The picking him up from a carpark and the stay being for 3 days doesn't sound normal.

In fact it sounds really fucking weird.

YANBU op

smellycandles · 25/10/2014 00:19

I too would definitely head to Sainsburys and follow them! Sounds like he'll do it so may as well check all is well

Fucking weird. Really really odd.

SweetsForMySweet · 25/10/2014 00:21

Sounds dodgy to me, it's not a good idea

WellnowImFucked · 25/10/2014 00:51

I'm on the WTF fence ,no fucking way

But I did wonder with his reluctance to show her profile etc, could she be a he?

WellnowImFucked · 25/10/2014 00:52

Sorry posted too soon

And he's not prepared to come out yet?

OhReallyDear · 25/10/2014 01:09

That's insane. I would go to the parking too. And follow the car .

For the people saying that he is an adult. He is 18 years old. And obviously not ready to face life alone if he doesn't see that this story smells bad...

AcrossthePond55 · 25/10/2014 02:07

Maybe her parents are facing the same problem. That she's determined to meet him (a potentially dangerous internet stranger) and they want to control the meeting to make it as 'safe' as they can.

I'd be staking out the carpark with a telephoto lens and a pad and paper to write down the license plates. Hell, I'd probably also tail them back to where they came from. Or worse still, I'd hide and then run up and stick my hand in the car window and say "Hiya, I'm 'DS's' mum". I've braved my sons's anger for worse than that!

Sabrinnnnnnnna · 25/10/2014 02:14

Er yanbu, I've not read the whole thread, but as some pp's have said he's completely disregarding the meeting online safety rules - which people should take heed of no matter what their age.

Notmeagain1 · 25/10/2014 03:23

YANBU, way to crazy for me too. I would be staking the place out and following behind. This stinks to high hell and I would wand DH to be protecting DSS. At 18 they are still stupid when it comes to sex. And to have said he hasnt ever had any, major warning bells are ringing all over the place.

Just doesnt seem right at all. Please go with your gut feelings. Keep us updated as I would like to know how this turns out and how you are able to handle this situation. (My DS is 16, so I need to gather all the information I can now to use when I need it in the near future).

You they were soooo much easier when you just changed a shitty nappy and put them safely in the bed.

Good luck!

Notmeagain1 · 25/10/2014 03:25

Sorry for the typos, stupid phone and fat fingers tonight.

whatsonyourplate · 25/10/2014 08:19

I'm thinking girl's dad turns up to pick him up, saying girl has stayed at home. Get to their home, girl doesn't exist.

Original poster
noseymcposey · 25/10/2014 11:19

Thanks again for your replies. I completely agree that although he is 18, he is not a fully fledged adult. Some 18 year olds may be, but he isn't. He is also not always very forthcoming with the truth. We've also considered that it might be a boy that he is meeting but I don't think so.

He did originally ask if she could come and stay at his Mum's for 3 days but his Mum said no. He's not coming over till tomorrow now so won't get a chance to speak to him till then.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2014 11:25

Hopefully he will get cold feet on the day.

As you say, he may be an adult at 18 but how different do 18 year olds behave to their 17 year old child selves? They don't magically become responsible adults over night. Not sure how you can handle the situation but totally understand where you're coming from.

I would be very worried indeed if it were my 18 year old brother.

whatsonyourplate · 25/10/2014 13:36

I know the plan was for her to stay with your step son first, but maybe that was suggested as they knew it would never be agreed to, and the counter suggestion of going to hers then sounds more acceptable.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/10/2014 13:37

You know what? I think I'd be somewhat tempted to say that she could stay for the 3 days. If she's nice, no harm. If she's a 'problem', home she goes. I'd agree to it IF her parents agreed to meet and drop her off at a mutually 'safe' place (hence, the carpark).

MyEmpireOfDirt · 25/10/2014 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonadeRayGun · 25/10/2014 13:57

This sounds really dodgy and you are right to be worried. It could be innocent of course, but equally there could be no girl and who knows what could be picking him up from a Sainsburys car park and driving him to goodness knows where :(

ImperialBlether · 25/10/2014 16:22

If her mum and dad were prepared to drive 50 miles, why couldn't they drop their daughter off to go for a drink/meal with him before committing to three days?

It might be different if they lived in different countries, but if they're 50 miles apart they could easily meet up for a few drinks.

PinkSquash · 25/10/2014 16:31

I remember being 18 and feeling invincible but he does need to learn to grow up a little.

It doesn't sound very good at all tbh.

Why doesn't he go and have a drink with her first, why the need to stay with 'her'?

skylark2 · 25/10/2014 16:48

It's only 50 miles - why don't they meet in the middle somewhere public transport accessible for lunch?

What does he plan to do if the parents are awful? (You won't get anywhere with asking about what if the girl is awful as he thinks he knows she isn't).

DD is 18. I can't imagine her asking me to go fetch a date from a car park 50 miles away - or wanting one staying here. (Though apparently she has a date next week. I am determinedly NOT quizzing her for every detail).