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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bad idea

92 replies

noseymcposey · 24/10/2014 19:59

DSS (18) wants to meet up with a girl he's met on Tindr. She was going to come and stay but his Mum has said no. Instead, apparently, her parents are going to come and pick him up on Tuesday night at 7.30 from Sainsbury's carpark and take him to their house some 50 miles away.

He is insistent that he is going. AIBU to think it sounds really dodgy? (His Mum and Dad are also adamant that it is a terrible idea)

OP posts:

quietbatperson · 25/10/2014 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatTheHellArePoshChips · 25/10/2014 17:24

there is no way i would allow this and as a pp suggested, i'd be driving the whole 50 miles behind them and to take it a step further booking a room for the 3 days and driving him back if i hadn't already dragged him home before then!!

Original poster

noseymcposey · 25/10/2014 22:27

Ok, so DH spoke to DSS this evening. DSS cannot see anything strange about the situation.

DH was trying to get to the bottom of the Sainsbo's carpark bit and who suggested that but he just said 'it was mutual'. Obviously that's not how ideas happen, so haven't got to the bottom of that.

But, he did tell DH the girl's name, so I've been looking at her facebook and it does look sort of ok. There is a girl with the name he gave, who lives in the town that he is going to, who is 17, so the age is correct. There are quite a few pictures and some interactions with friends (not many though) Her fb goes back to 2009 which is quite reassuring. It's not a very active page, but she may just not be that popular?

She is friends with people of the same surname who have much more active fb pages, so I think she is real, but maybe not that popular.... hence why she might think this venture is a good idea (and maybe why her parents are supportive.)

Sorry I know I'm being a massive stalker - it's not so much him having a terrible time I'm worried about but him coming to harm. If he goes and it's just really awkward well, it's not like everyone didn't tell him it was a bad idea. So the only think I'm really worried about is that it's someone who would hurt him.

Apparently, although the parents are picking him up,she is giving him money for the coach back? Do you think the parents picking him up is them being cautious? DH has said that if he persists with this idea he will take him there instead of him being picked up (hasn't suggested that to DSS yet) and obviously we would give DSS money so he isn't relying on that.

DSS also said to DH that he didn't want to ask her to change the plan now because she might change her mind about wanting to meet him.

OP posts:

SpidersDontWashTheirHands · 25/10/2014 22:34

You're not being a massive stalker, the whole thing us just bizarre. Surely any sane creature would meet in a Costa halfway for an hour before arranging to send three days together. I realise an eighteen year old boy isn't a sane creature, guess that's what parents are for.

OhReallyDear · 25/10/2014 22:35

But sure enough, a creepy old guy could also know that thi girl lives in that town and use her name to make it more believable.

Did your DSS talk to the girl on the phone? Did he heard her voice?

I still find it so strange that some parent would bring a stranger for three nights to meet their daughter

OhReallyDear · 25/10/2014 22:40

ANd I don't see why it would be cautious to come and pick him up. It wouldn't more or less safe to let him come by coach and see him in their house. I would definitelly recommend either going with him meet the parents (or whoever will be there) and make them know you know about that meeting, you saw their car and you have their license plate) or bring him there and going to the door, introduce myself (or your husband introduce himself) and also let them know, you know where they live.

If her parents are involved, his parents can too

Original poster

noseymcposey · 25/10/2014 22:41

DH has just filled me on some more info DSS said. He has known her for a month (so, two weeks then!) and DH asked if he'd face-timed/skyped her and apparently they have face-timed quite a few times so that's something.

I think the visit might well be a disaster but is sounding safer??

Still not sure what the parents are thinking though....

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 25/10/2014 23:11

Can you figure out who her parents are and contact them via FB? Explain your concerns and see what they say? They may be as worried as you are.

ScaryZ · 25/10/2014 23:31

It is possible that this is two slightly socially awkward teenagers.

You say your dss hasn't had a gf at all - maybe the girl hasn't had a bf either, maybe they are both just overkeen and over romantic.

I think (presuming this is a genuine teenager) that there may be exactly the same conversations going on in the girls house.

Original poster

noseymcposey · 26/10/2014 00:12

I don't think we can realistically track down and contact parents - he is 18 after all and while we want to make sure he is safe I think it would be overstepping the mark to interfere to that extent.

I hope that DH will drive him there rather than being picked up so he can suss it out. Perhaps he can go in on the basis that he needs the toilet or something so he can check it out.

If he took him to the house and went in; made sure that DSS had money on him and that he could call us if it went tits up does that sound like a reasonable plan?

OP posts:

ScaryZ · 26/10/2014 00:26

Yes - that's what we have to do with our children and their schoolfriends - send them off, have a nosy through the front door and hope for the best.

Make him check in by text too.

But he might refuse to agree, he will should "I'm an adult" while behaving like a child [sigh]

HowDidThatWorkOut · 26/10/2014 00:34

Oh dear, what a strange situation. I can't believe he has only 'known' her a month! What a silly lad

Can you do a bit more stalking just to double check the facts. You could try a few names in 192.com. Or just type a few on the names on her Facebook account into Google.

Even though he is obviously being daft is it any worse than going out clubbing, getting drunk and sleeping with a total stranger which is what a lot of lads his age would do. ( I'm trying to be positive)

IF he does go I would buy him a box of condoms

It's hard when they are 18. They can be so clever and sensible one minute and then absolute idiots the next. I speak from experience.

smellycandles · 30/10/2014 23:33

What happened with this?!

pictish · 31/10/2014 06:37

Oh yes...update?

TrendStopper · 31/10/2014 07:12

How did it all go OP?

I became a mother at 18 but its hard to see my dd as being old enough when she gets to that age. If you see what I mean. She will always be my baby who I will want to protect.

Original poster

noseymcposey · 03/11/2014 21:31

So, all went well in the end!

DSS told us her name, so checked fb profile.. all seemed to be in order there. DH drove him to their house (so we would have the address and to check it was all ok.. also took advantage of long car journey to remind DSS about protection etc) DH went in the house with him had a chat with the girl's parents.

DSS actually stayed Tuesday to Sunday in the end and is making plans to go back there this weekend so it seems the visit went well!

He also has a big bit of college work to do which he has been procrastinating over and according to his Mum he got straight down to doing it as soon as he got back (v unusual behaviour for DSS!) so perhaps she is a good influence :)

OP posts:

OiGiveItBack · 04/11/2014 08:33

I'm glad to hear it went well. It sounds like you handled it just right.. They can still be so vulnerable even at their age.

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