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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be passive-aggressive towards rude drivers

63 replies

tweetypot · 01/08/2014 15:47

I love Summer, because it means I can stick my hand out of the window and sing "you're welcome!" to drivers who don't thank me for stopping to let them past.

I feel it is important to reinforce manners into the driving community. My DH is of the opinion that it is a doomed one-person crusade.

AIBU and a miserable DM-style outraged cow?

OP posts:

KnackeredMuchly · 01/08/2014 15:56

Yanbu I do the same!!

DementedTiger · 01/08/2014 15:58

I hate it when people don't acknowledge me when I've let them past or out of somewhere. It's incredibly rude and is the driving equivalent of not saying thank you to someone who's held a door open or let you walk by.

I've noticed this becoming more and more common, it used to be that the majority of drivers acknowledged you with a wave or a nod and there were just a few arseholes on the road but I'm noticing it happening more and more.

I suppose it's just another sign of the general decline of good manners.

lozking91 · 01/08/2014 16:00

If I go on a journey through a built up area I always count the number of people who don't wave to say thanks when I stop and wait. It doesn't matter if the highway code says they have right away I am still doing a nice thing by stopping for them. It's just good manners to wave!

lozking91 · 01/08/2014 16:01

Saying that, I don't think I would have the nerve to shout out the window at a rude driver! haha

LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/08/2014 16:11

I don't, but I do do it as a pedestrian.

I know it is arsey and makes me sound like my mother, but it is so satisfying. Especially since I live in tourist central and some of them seem gobsmacked you're not overjoyed to be constantly walked off the pavement by rude idiots.

Original poster

tweetypot · 01/08/2014 16:21

Ha, I do it as a pedestrian too - I'd forgotten. But not often as people either respond positively to my winning smile while I stand aside (I'm not easy to ignore) or look strangely startled. I laugh a bit at the startled ones

OP posts:

FraidyCat · 01/08/2014 16:35

I think you sound a bit needy. I don't require thanks from anyone, though I give a wave to someone who lets me in.

What annoys me is people I slow down for who are slow to take the gap. The other day on 50mph road I'm in leftmost of three lanes, there is a car well ahead of me on the on-ramp, I slow down so I'll be at the right following distance assuming he joins at 50mph, though in fact he's so far ahead it's hardly required, he then slows down before coming to a complete stop at the end of the ramp. By then, matching his slowing, I've come to a complete stop on the main road. After some thinking time, he pulls away in front of me.

Luckily it wasn't a busy road and I don't think there was anyone behind me to be affected.

I think I'll just drive in the middle lane in future.

Original poster

tweetypot · 01/08/2014 16:40

Mm, I never assume cars will be able to fill gaps successfully. I always go in the middle lane if at all possible if I see cars about to join.

This did mean that a boy-racer behind me, somehow infuriated that I was doing 80mph in the middle lane of a motorway, undercut me and so very nearly crashed into the car joining the motorway from the slip-road on the left. That was scary. Luckily when he started undercutting me I slowed down and he was able to swerve back in front of me.

Then he proceeded to hog the middle lane

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/08/2014 16:41

I do see what you are saying, FraidyCat, but I tend to think that saying thankyou/waving to acknowledge someone for letting you out costs nothing, and when people don't get thanked for doing these things it makes them a little less likely to do it the next time. I think this is how lack of consideration spreads.

I am sure that being thanked does make people feel good, momentarily, and that makes them more likely to be nice the next time.

Anyway - since it takes nothing to say thank-you, and it is rude not to acknowledge someone who has let you out or whatever, I will judge the rude ones who don't acknowledge me.

Vitalstatistix · 01/08/2014 16:45

Just be very sure that they haven't thanked you!

I drive an adapted vehicle. It has a steering ball. It isn't possible for me to be using the hand controls, have a hand on the steering ball AND find an extra hand to wave at someone, so I have to sort of cup the ball and raise my fingers. Well, I got that sarcy- "YOU'RE WELCOME" - except I had raised my fingers, I just didn't want to have to let go of the steering ball to wave.

I turned my car round and went looking for him.

I didn't find him. Which was a good thing really because it was very stupid of me, but I was furious.

Then I got hold of myself and went and had a nice cup of tea

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 01/08/2014 16:50

I acknowledge people who have helpfully let me in.

I do, however, suffer from extreme rage when people do stupid things, like grind to a halt on a main road when there is no traffic behind them, just so they can allow me in front of them. It's pointless, unnecessary and is just an indicator that they aren't paying enough attention to the road (if they were, they'd realise there was nothing behind them and nothing to be gained by their actions). Aside from anything else, it takes longer for them to grind to a halt and make it clear they're letting you go than it would for them to just drive past. I passive aggressively ignore these people and refuse to thank them...

LindyHemming · 01/08/2014 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigBoobiedBertha · 01/08/2014 16:57

I always acknowledge people who stop when they have right of way and they let me through - they get a smile and a wave. They have done me a favour and they deserve it.

However, it annoys the hell out of me if they wave at me because I have stopped when they have right of way and I am just following the highway code. I have no choice but to stop if they are exercising their right to continue on their side of the road and it is mine that is blocked. Do they not understand how the highway code works? If they haven't stopped, then it would cause and accident if I just kept driving and why would I do that. I don't require thanks for doing what I am supposed to do. That would be like waving to everybody who goes passed you just because they kept to their side of the road - it is the same thing.

I also get irritated by the Mexican stand off you get at mini roundabouts when nobody seems to think they have right of way and all 3 roads grind to a halt.

I do the PA thing as a pedestrian though. No point when you are in the car - even with the window open they probably won't hear you properly.

thatstoast · 01/08/2014 17:01

What annoys me more is when people's bad driving forces you to stop (people coming too far out of junctions, moving into your lane when it's not clear) and then give you a wave of thanks. I shout "Well you didn't give me much choice!". Not at them, but it forms part of my driving commentary.

The worst thing is I forget the windows are open. The other day I was entering a roundabout and someone pulled out in front of me. He clearly wasn't looking to his right so didn't see me. I had to slow down because of him so I just started singing "hello, i'm over here, can you see me? hello!" then realised my windows were open and he had the top down and was looking around trying to figure out who was talking.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/08/2014 17:03

I had the stand off last week. I had right of way to go past a long (50yd) line of parked cars. Boy racer comes flying past them on my side of the road. We meet in the middle

A stand off ensues.

He gesticulates wildly at me to back up. I smile beatifically back.

He starts shouting. I smile some more while folding my arms to indicate that I am not moving.

After about a minute, he backs up. I tootle through giving him a friendly wave in rsponse to his middle findersalute

Made my day it did!

Original poster

tweetypot · 01/08/2014 17:05

Oh no toast, it's the ones who do pull out too far out of junctions and then don't wave thanks who get my goat.

OP posts:

wowfudge · 01/08/2014 17:10

Demented - I sometimes let the second door of a set of double doors go, instead of holding it open for the rude git behind me who didn't thank me for holding open the first door.

I wonder what the driving equivalent would be?

OP - YANBU to think that good manners should rule the road; a simple wave would do.

Nomama · 01/08/2014 17:12

My bestest was a single lane road. I, female and middle aged, drive a BMW sports car and I had the top down. I met a middle aged man in a family car coming the other way.

There was a pull in space about a 100 yards behind me, part way round a corner. There was a pull in space about 20 yards behind him.

He waved his hands, I pointed, he waved some more, I stood and called across, there is a space right behind your and pointed again. He went purple... leaned out of his car and asked if I would be really kind and reverse instead as he had recently rammed his car into a tree and didn't like to reverse any more.

So I did, smoothly, no wibbly wobbly lines. Just zip backwards, pull in and smile and wave as he passed, still absolutely crimson with embarrassment.

mumtosome61 · 01/08/2014 17:14

I cannot stand rude manners whilst in the car, and I don't even have a license. My DP just sits back whilst I get enraged as to why someone can't just give a quick wave to say thank you. God knows what I'd be like if I could drive.

Original poster

tweetypot · 01/08/2014 17:15

Oh bless him. I've never encountered a timid middle-aged male driver before. I'm sure they exist, but all noteworthy examples I've come across fulfil the usual stereotype.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 01/08/2014 17:20

Do you remember the thread about a MNer who met the same women in a 4x4 on her narrow lane every morning and had to back up every morning. MN encouraged her to face this women out and finally the 4x4 was forced to back up!

Was it kungfupanda or someone like that?

hotfuzzra · 01/08/2014 17:33

Ha I also do the sarcy You're welcome sign! Sometimes accompanied with a sarcy smile.
Also on pavements when a group or couple are walking abreast towards me, and don't make room to share the freaking payment, I always make a point of standing and waiting, looking expectantly at them waiting for thanks. Sometimes if they don't move or say anything I'll loudly say Oh, After you!
One day two young girls saw me do this and went crimson and apologised. They got a cheery You're welcome! and a smile.
Oh dear, I am turning into my mother. (She once threw a bit of rubbish at a young lad who'd chucked it and walked off.)

PunkrockerGirl · 01/08/2014 17:50

I do exactly the same, OP

commonorgarden · 01/08/2014 19:45

Yanbu at all.

The lanes are so narrow where we live that it's rather risky to take one hand off the wheel as you pass each other; you need both to manoeuvre the car. But we do a one finger thank you with a raised forefinger (rest of them gripping wheel)!

What upsets me is when people refuse to give you a break if you are driving slowly as you are finding your way/have to change lanes/etc. Dangerous driving is one thing. Giving each other a break from time to time on the road is entirely another.

I visit families at home as part of my job and I'm always finding my way to new places. I'm a safe driver but the amount of grief I've had for not driving at breakneck speed or knowing exactly where I'm going is awful.

commonorgarden · 01/08/2014 19:48

Pavement courtesy is also important imo.

Though I did try to get it past DH that I was being PA by saying a big sarky 'you're welcome' to the offenders. He said I was just plain aggressive.

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