To be passive-aggressive towards rude drivers

[tweetypot]

I love Summer, because it means I can stick my hand out of the window and sing "you're welcome!" to drivers who don't thank me for stopping to let them past.

I feel it is important to reinforce manners into the driving community. My DH is of the opinion that it is a doomed one-person crusade.

AIBU and a miserable DM-style outraged cow?

[MadeMan]

I find that most drivers still wave a 'thanks' or flash headlights as thanks. Obviously some don't, but generally people seem to do so around where I live.

[superstarheartbreaker]

I once shouted 'have you read the Highway Code?' To a driver who refused to reverse to let me past! There was absolutely nowhere for me to go! Passers by thought it was hilarious!

[Cockadoodledooo]

Someone cut me up this afternoon. A small voice beside me said "Oh for goodness sake, learn to drive your car mate!"

I do love being polite to the arseholes. A nice grin and a cheery wave makes everyone feel better surely?

[Eve]

I upset a young lad in a souped up fiesta today.

Coming back from a riding competition in massive lorry through a smallish village i had to pull out to avoid cars parked on side of road, and bless him, he had to slow down. ( slow down....not stop!!!). Whilst I pulled back in.

I put up my hand in thanks as he was saluting with 2 fingers and mouthing unpleasantries at me. How I laughed a lot thinking about the 40 or so similar sized lorries he was about to encounter in the next few miles along that narrow country road!

( and yes... I know lorries are a pain... In my defence we are not on the road often, and its usually in deepest countryside).

[flyingtrue]

A thank you is courteous and costs nothing but I've cut some annoyance by telling myself that only people who I genuinely put myself out for should say thank you's - people who are in the wrong, mess up or don't have right of way,

Still get annoyed but not as much so :)

[ln1981]

YANBU!! This also annoys me. DH thinks I need to calm down but it proper gives me the rage!!

[Balaboosta]

I hate this kind of behaviour. IMO as rude as not getting thanked. Why spread miserableness in this world? YABU!

[taxi4ballet]

The most effective thing to do with a single-lane stand-off when the other person is in the wrong and won't move, is to get out of the car, lock it and walk off...

[goldopals]

I used to live in a very small town of eighty people. You waved at every person you saw there or were ostracised.

[Icimoi]

In my experience people who do the passive-aggressive "ThankYOU!", particularly on pavements, are invariably in the wrong. Mostly because they are so busy looking for a reason to take offence that they haven't actually heard the other person say "thanks", or because they haven't done anything to be thanked for.

[doziedoozie]

It is usually women who do this, and I think it is the 'I am a good and steady driver' mindset.

Holding a steady speed on the motorway, so, if they are sticking at x speed they hold to that regardless of surrounding events. If the driver in the slow lane that they are passing is doing x+1 mph they still stick, thus blocking two lanes for ages.

Also holding the middle lane. I am in the slow lane as normal when not overtaking. A large lorry is ahead, obviously this will be slower than me, but it doesn't occur to steady driver that I might want to pull out past much slower lorry, no they pootle along and I am stuck for ages waiting for them to pass.

If I am drving along and the driver to my left is approaching a slow vehicle I MOVE OVER, not rocket science, just consideration imo.

[SignYourName]

That's odd dozie, because in my extensive motorway driving experience it's just as likely, if not more so, to be a bloke oblivious to events around him as it is a woman.

There is no such thing as "the slow lane" btw.

OP, I do the "you're WELCOME!" thing as well. It doesn't make me any less likely to let another person out but it allows a brief vent of momentary annoyance.

[marne2]

YANBU, I am the same, in fact I think I have a slight problem with road rage, yesterday I had my DM in the car, parking is always a nightmare in our village and old people seem to think they can park anywhere, outside the post office people park along the very thin road which is on a bend, I went to go around the cars slowly and carefully, was half way along the row when a car shoots around the corner driving very fast, we both braked and they almost hit me as they were going to fast to stop. The woman then refused to move back, yes it was her right of way as I was on her side of the road to go around the cars but I was already most of the way past the line of cars, she was driving way to fast which made me angry so I sat there and refused to move ( whilst my DM shouted a bit of abuse ), she refused to go back and eventually I had too as there was another car behind her. I then wound my window down and shouted 'in future SLOW DOWN' she shouted 'FUck off' so my mum shouted back at her.

This is something that happens every day, I can drive 100's of miles and not have a problem but as soon as I get back to our village some twat of a driver will get in my way, pull out in front of me or knock my wing mirror.

[marne2]

Oh, and I do find it very rude when people don't thank me

[Flossiechops]

Oh you are so nbu. I hate is too. I was turning right around an island yesterday indicators on but some knob head couldn't wait for me to pass and so pulled out across me - I flashed my lights and couldn't help but laugh as I was told to FUCK OFF whilst he waved a fist furiously. How dare I drive around an island with my indicator on! Twat.

[magpiegin]

I know that when I first passed my test I didn't put my hand up all the time as I was too busy concentrating on the road. I think some people are rude but it is impossible for you to know who is genuinely rude or who isn't thanking you for other reasons (and sometimes drivers miss the little wave too).

[dylanthedragon]

I do agree that there's no need to lose all manners just because you are behind the wheel.

Although I am a very new driver having not started learning till my 30 and I am not at the stage yet where I'm comfortable giving a wave. Especially if someone has let me out at a difficult junction or there's lots of traffic about. I do always smile but assume they can't usually see that.

So don't be too quick to get sarky. If it's an inexperienced driver, they might just be too busy concentrating on the road.

[FyreFly]

I had a stand off once. It was very amusing. Lots of narrow country lanes with big hedges round here. I was in a large Jeep, something I don't usually drive, but I had been helping my friend out in the fields that day (this will be relevant later).

I met a middle-aged man, suited and booted, posh shiny Jag (I think it was a Jag, could have been a Merc or BMW or something of that ilk). Not enough room for his shiny car and my beat-up old Jeep to pass. There was indeed a passing place on my side about 100 yards back, not visible from where we were as it was round the corner, but I had very good reasons for not reversing back to it. There was a field gate about 30 yards behind him which would have served.

We both stopped, and I wound the window down to tell him he needed to reverse, please. Cue much indignation and gesturing. I asked again, this time the gestures got ruder.

It was at this point that my mate came along, like the proverbial cavalry, in the combine harvester which we were in the process of moving My role was to act as a version of the men with flags in front of old-timey cars to warn other drivers that there was something big coming down the road that they would need to make way for.

I don't think there is any colour-chart which contains the shade of puce which was on his face. He was apopletically (sp?) furious. I think it was the fact that a young lady in an old scruffy workhorse had just showed him up. He did reverse, eventually, and with poor grace and much swearing. Still makes me smile.

[Panwearsamagicjersey]

Thing is as well, that if car drivers are treating each other so badly and sometimes dangerously, imagine how they treat cyclists? A lot of car driving commuters see what they do as a competitive sport.
fwiw I've been v badly treated and threatened whilst riding to work, and no 'offender' has ever apologised or made any recognition of fault.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I remember that 4x4 thread, BitOutOfPractice... the poster did stand her ground eventually, didn't she? To the rapturous cheers of MN!

A couple of weeks ago the same thing you've mentioned in your post happened to me. A council van drove straight at me on my side of the road. He saw me at the last minute and ploughed into the cars on his side of the road... he didn't hit me but it was terrifying!

Cheeky blighter then told the police that it was my fault.

They didn't believe him and booked him for due care and attention.

[ApocalypseNowt]

Oh I always thank people but i do the 'hands still on the steering wheel and lift a finger' type thanks. i mean the nice finger not the bad one btw. I do hope people see it....i think they do. Lots of people do that wave of thanks round here (Yorkshire).

[hollycomputer]

Oh, YANBU at all. I do this all the time with exaggerated 'thank you' waves while mouthing the words. I make a graceful 'no no, YOU go first' hand motion when someone cuts me up too.

[Ladyboluna]

I agree with so much said on here it's unbelievable.

I only passed my test in February this year so some new situations perhaps stress me out more than others. I've had a taxi driver decide to overtake me at the merging point of a ramp onto a 70mph road (leaving me no road to go and no option but to break after building up my speed). Yes I beeped my horn. And to my great surprise a white van man braked on that fast road and flashed to let me in, if he hadn't I think I would have hit the barrier.

But my absolutely favourite game as a learner was to BE a slow learner. Because even if I was doing 32mph on an downwards slope there would be a BMW or an Audi so close behind I couldn't see their number plate. So my motto was If you want me to be a slow learner, I can certainly go slower. I liked trying to get the speedometer at about 28, maybe 25 if it was a corner. Then wave backwards at them through the window to indicate they should BTFO (back the fish off).

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

I thought of Mumsnet the other day.

Was driving down the small narrow lane near our house, and an old couple in a small car came the other way. We met head on and the old boy driving gestured for me to mount the verge. I appreciate that I have a 4x4 and it did look like the obvious solution.

I also know that there is quite a big ditch in there which isn't always obvious if the verge hasn't been cut and is overgrown.

I shook my head and gestured for him to go back. It was only about twenty yards or so. He looked furious but he did reverse back. As we got level I put the window down and he immediately said something like didn't I want to get my Chelsea tractor dirty? I just smiled and said no I didn't want to fall in the ditch, even four wheel drive wouldn't get me out of there. His wife gave me the sympathetic smile but he still looked put out.

I could just imagine the conversation on Mumsnet and here I am.