To be passive-aggressive towards rude drivers

[tweetypot]

I love Summer, because it means I can stick my hand out of the window and sing "you're welcome!" to drivers who don't thank me for stopping to let them past.

I feel it is important to reinforce manners into the driving community. My DH is of the opinion that it is a doomed one-person crusade.

AIBU and a miserable DM-style outraged cow?

[Ladyboluna]

I do consider bad driving to be an attack on my person when it endangers me. Is that unreasonable?

[littlemissmaths]

ladyboluna of course you have a right to BE angry at poor drivers. But it is counterproductive to EXPRESS that anger as an attack on the perceived wrongdoer. What would you hope to achieve? ..and you might be wrong yourself. Do something constructive to keep your mum or your elderly neighbour safe: lobby the council for 20mph zones, proper street lighting, safe cycle routes, periodic driving tests, etc etc

[BigBoobiedBertha]

I know what you mean about older drivers. I have noticed that there are a group of drivers who tend to drive at 40 miles an hour on every road. They drive 40 mph on a 30 limit road and then the same on a 60 or 70mph road. Invariably they are elderly when you finally get past them to safety. I think if you have lost the ability to judge speed like that you probably shouldn't be on the roads so post 70 yrs tests would be good.

[Ladyboluna]

Thank you big

Although as someone who has seen many older drivers hitting the curb and with glasses thicker than my thighs I think there should be mandatory retesting and more closer communication between doctors and the dvla.

[Morethanalittlebitconfused]

If I am I heavy traffic and overtaking on an A road and some twat is tailgating I will slow right down to spot on 70mph and crawl past the row of lorries

PA as fuck but fun

[Legionofboom]

I admit I do the passive aggressive 'you're welcome' sometimes.

And if someone pushes past me to get onto a train first I do sometimes say 'Oh please, do go first'

But I have to say I always hate myself a little bit afterwards.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

ladyboluna is not angry at older drivers, she is angry at the people who drive badly and put them at risk. As she says she imagines that it is her mother who is the victim of the bad drivers in their BMWs and Audis, not that her mother is like those drivers. TBH, the type of driving she describes and reacts to is not the poor driving of the old but people who think they own the road and couldn't give a damn who gets in their way. Entirely different to mistakes made by the elderly.

If I get tailgated, I tend to give my brakes a little dab, just enough to make the brake lights come on and not to slow down (because that would just be suicide if they are that close). It makes them back off if they think I don't know what I am doing.

[littlemissmaths]

ladyboluna be angry with older drivers if you like but it will be a wasted emotion and not something to boast about on the internet. An alternative might be to lobby for driving tests to come round every 5 years to check people are still up to the mark and are taken off the roads if they are no longer safe.

[WitchWay]

I smile & wave excessively to people who haven't thanked me for letting them go first. DH thinks it ridiculous

If it's my right of way & there are places where folk coming the other way can pull in then I barge ahead & make them give way to me. If they're already too far along then I usually wait for them, especially if they are in a lorry.

[Ladyboluna]

Little miss - I imagine it might be my mother or an old lady who could die because of their bad driving. I've had several near misses where if I didn't brake I could have been the victim of an accident. Have I got the right to be angry at them? Yes, yes I do.

[Poledra]

"If a car is so close behind at a steady speed that you can't read their numberplate, does that mean they're tailgating?"

Depends what you're driving - I have a 4x4, I often cannot see other peoples' plates as the rear of my car is high - this does not mean they are tailgating me necessarily. However, if I am driving behind a 'normal' sized car and they cannot see my numberplate then yes, I am being an arse tailgating.

[littlemissmaths]

I don't know. I am not sure that being passive aggressive is such a great thing. Surely it winds people up and is fairly arrogant because it implies that you KNOW you are right and the other person is WRONG. How about being genuinely friendly towards and considerate of other road users? Not meaning to sound like a saint but if somebody cuts me up/ hogs the middle lane/ whatever example of poor driving, I try to imagine it might be my mother, or my elderly neighbour, and how upset they would be to be pressurised, or honked at, and how little good it would do.

As a child, I was friends with the DD of a very senior businessman (you would all know him) and went on holiday with his family. I loved how how he genuinely drove with consideration and called all other drivers "my friend" even though they could not hear him eg "You go first, my friend" as driving along. I am sure this positive, constructive approach is part of what had made him great in other spheres. He didn't sit there seething at perceived slights (?sp), muttering passive aggressive thank you's. I would rather emulate him than some other approaches.

[tweetypot]

So rude of him, dogdog :(

If a car is so close behind at a steady speed that you can't read their numberplate, does that mean they're tailgating? I get this at some point during my commute EVERY DAY, and used to make the BTFO action in my rear-view mirror every day too. Now I just can't be arsed trying to communicate with them so obviously and just slow down instead.

Unfortunately that means they sometimes do stupid things, like overtake me in order to speed through a zebra crossing I've slowed right down towards, and nearly knock down pedestrians, or the like.

I think what my driving instructor called my 'smooth driving style' really infuriates drivers who don't want to look ahead, save their brake pads and petrol.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

I thought of Mumsnet the other day.

Was driving down the small narrow lane near our house, and an old couple in a small car came the other way. We met head on and the old boy driving gestured for me to mount the verge. I appreciate that I have a 4x4 and it did look like the obvious solution.

I also know that there is quite a big ditch in there which isn't always obvious if the verge hasn't been cut and is overgrown.

I shook my head and gestured for him to go back. It was only about twenty yards or so. He looked furious but he did reverse back. As we got level I put the window down and he immediately said something like didn't I want to get my Chelsea tractor dirty? I just smiled and said no I didn't want to fall in the ditch, even four wheel drive wouldn't get me out of there. His wife gave me the sympathetic smile but he still looked put out.

I could just imagine the conversation on Mumsnet and here I am.

[Ladyboluna]

I agree with so much said on here it's unbelievable.

I only passed my test in February this year so some new situations perhaps stress me out more than others. I've had a taxi driver decide to overtake me at the merging point of a ramp onto a 70mph road (leaving me no road to go and no option but to break after building up my speed). Yes I beeped my horn. And to my great surprise a white van man braked on that fast road and flashed to let me in, if he hadn't I think I would have hit the barrier.

But my absolutely favourite game as a learner was to BE a slow learner. Because even if I was doing 32mph on an downwards slope there would be a BMW or an Audi so close behind I couldn't see their number plate. So my motto was If you want me to be a slow learner, I can certainly go slower. I liked trying to get the speedometer at about 28, maybe 25 if it was a corner. Then wave backwards at them through the window to indicate they should BTFO (back the fish off).

[hollycomputer]

Oh, YANBU at all. I do this all the time with exaggerated 'thank you' waves while mouthing the words. I make a graceful 'no no, YOU go first' hand motion when someone cuts me up too.

[ApocalypseNowt]

Oh I always thank people but i do the 'hands still on the steering wheel and lift a finger' type thanks. i mean the nice finger not the bad one btw. I do hope people see it....i think they do. Lots of people do that wave of thanks round here (Yorkshire).

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I remember that 4x4 thread, BitOutOfPractice... the poster did stand her ground eventually, didn't she? To the rapturous cheers of MN!

A couple of weeks ago the same thing you've mentioned in your post happened to me. A council van drove straight at me on my side of the road. He saw me at the last minute and ploughed into the cars on his side of the road... he didn't hit me but it was terrifying!

Cheeky blighter then told the police that it was my fault.

They didn't believe him and booked him for due care and attention.

[Panwearsamagicjersey]

Thing is as well, that if car drivers are treating each other so badly and sometimes dangerously, imagine how they treat cyclists? A lot of car driving commuters see what they do as a competitive sport.
fwiw I've been v badly treated and threatened whilst riding to work, and no 'offender' has ever apologised or made any recognition of fault.

[FyreFly]

I had a stand off once. It was very amusing. Lots of narrow country lanes with big hedges round here. I was in a large Jeep, something I don't usually drive, but I had been helping my friend out in the fields that day (this will be relevant later).

I met a middle-aged man, suited and booted, posh shiny Jag (I think it was a Jag, could have been a Merc or BMW or something of that ilk). Not enough room for his shiny car and my beat-up old Jeep to pass. There was indeed a passing place on my side about 100 yards back, not visible from where we were as it was round the corner, but I had very good reasons for not reversing back to it. There was a field gate about 30 yards behind him which would have served.

We both stopped, and I wound the window down to tell him he needed to reverse, please. Cue much indignation and gesturing. I asked again, this time the gestures got ruder.

It was at this point that my mate came along, like the proverbial cavalry, in the combine harvester which we were in the process of moving My role was to act as a version of the men with flags in front of old-timey cars to warn other drivers that there was something big coming down the road that they would need to make way for.

I don't think there is any colour-chart which contains the shade of puce which was on his face. He was apopletically (sp?) furious. I think it was the fact that a young lady in an old scruffy workhorse had just showed him up. He did reverse, eventually, and with poor grace and much swearing. Still makes me smile.

[dylanthedragon]

I do agree that there's no need to lose all manners just because you are behind the wheel.

Although I am a very new driver having not started learning till my 30 and I am not at the stage yet where I'm comfortable giving a wave. Especially if someone has let me out at a difficult junction or there's lots of traffic about. I do always smile but assume they can't usually see that.

So don't be too quick to get sarky. If it's an inexperienced driver, they might just be too busy concentrating on the road.

[magpiegin]

I know that when I first passed my test I didn't put my hand up all the time as I was too busy concentrating on the road. I think some people are rude but it is impossible for you to know who is genuinely rude or who isn't thanking you for other reasons (and sometimes drivers miss the little wave too).

[Flossiechops]

Oh you are so nbu. I hate is too. I was turning right around an island yesterday indicators on but some knob head couldn't wait for me to pass and so pulled out across me - I flashed my lights and couldn't help but laugh as I was told to FUCK OFF whilst he waved a fist furiously. How dare I drive around an island with my indicator on! Twat.

[marne2]

Oh, and I do find it very rude when people don't thank me

[marne2]

YANBU, I am the same, in fact I think I have a slight problem with road rage, yesterday I had my DM in the car, parking is always a nightmare in our village and old people seem to think they can park anywhere, outside the post office people park along the very thin road which is on a bend, I went to go around the cars slowly and carefully, was half way along the row when a car shoots around the corner driving very fast, we both braked and they almost hit me as they were going to fast to stop. The woman then refused to move back, yes it was her right of way as I was on her side of the road to go around the cars but I was already most of the way past the line of cars, she was driving way to fast which made me angry so I sat there and refused to move ( whilst my DM shouted a bit of abuse ), she refused to go back and eventually I had too as there was another car behind her. I then wound my window down and shouted 'in future SLOW DOWN' she shouted 'FUck off' so my mum shouted back at her.

This is something that happens every day, I can drive 100's of miles and not have a problem but as soon as I get back to our village some twat of a driver will get in my way, pull out in front of me or knock my wing mirror.