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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this Mum was brave but not wrong!

102 replies

MammaTJ · 20/07/2014 22:46

DS went to a party today, He stated yesterday that he liked parties because of the party bags. I told him he might not get one, while fully expecting that he would, as is the norm due to social pressure.

At this party there was a disco, so DJ to be paid, and a bouncy castle on the lawn.

DS went to say thank you to the Mum and she said 'Sorry there are no party bags, as I think they are a waste of money'.

DS was upset coming away, but was told by DP to get over it as she is not wrong.

All the DC had had a lovely time playing and dancing and probably had a nicer time than they would have done if they had had party bags and no disco or bouncy castle.

I wonder if I will be so brave!

Will you?

AIBU to agree with this mum?

OP posts:

TurboWithAKick · 20/07/2014 22:48

Never had them when I was a child.... We got a piece of cake! Kids barely glance at their cakes these days..

ilovepowerhoop · 20/07/2014 22:50

I find a party bag is a good way to signify that it is time for everyone to leave. I tend to only put in some sweets, crisps and a bit of cake rather than any plastic crap.

bumbleymummy · 20/07/2014 22:52

I hate party bags. Good for her!

CundtBake · 20/07/2014 22:52

Not wrong at all but yes perhaps brave.

I do find party bags helpful though, mostly as a bribe to get my DS to leave without throwing a tantrum!! (He's 2)

phantomnamechanger · 20/07/2014 22:52

its not just the waste of money either, its all the stupid tat they generate that ends up broken on the floor in minutes, or goes straight in the bin with the child being told its been lost! I have seen parents carry out the DC party bag to leave a party whispering "well this little lots going straight in the bin"

if you want to give anything at all then for younger kids a pot of bubbles and a piece of cake is adequate for older kids just a small packet of sweet and a slice of cake

most kids would be happy with just the cake IME

Original poster

MammaTJ · 20/07/2014 22:55

Phantom, you are spot on!

OP posts:

Lepaskilf · 20/07/2014 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HicDraconis · 20/07/2014 22:56

Good on her!

I was mortified when picking DS1 up from a party he said "where are the party bags?" Friend's mum had bought them all long paper laser things to play with & take home and she said "you get that instead"... I was hissing in his ear "shhh, say thank you for having me, that's a lovely paper thing, we have to go" and he was saying "thank you for having me but is there a bag?" .... I am still embarrassed. He's 8 and should know better.

I would love not to do party bags - generally in ours there are a few mini bars, balloon and piece of cake. I did put lego stationery in the last lot but I found it bargainously reduced :)

stealthsquiggle · 20/07/2014 22:56

Good for her. I actually like doing party bags, but have no issue at all with those that don't. However, in her place, I would probably have given each DC a balloon as the path of least resistance. I have had to shush my DC voicing their no party bag disappointment before (doesn't last long once I point out that the host parents have given them a great party, but I suspect that host parents don't get to hear that bit, they just hear the "but Mummy I like party bags...." as I hustle them away)

JohnFarleysRuskin · 20/07/2014 22:56

Cool!

I once took four kids to the cinema and pizza for Ds birthday and they still wanted party bags. I laughed. (Gave them cake tho)

Debs75 · 20/07/2014 22:58

Party bags are horrendous, too little and parents sneer at you too much or too expensive you still get moaned at.
My kids would always prefer some of the birthday cake to the party bags but it seems giving out birthday cake is becoming a thing of the past

ChoccaDoobie · 20/07/2014 23:00

Good for her. I quite enjoy doing them actually but nothing super exciting or pricey. I totally understand where she is coming from though. I have a few friends that didn't do them when the Dcs were little, I thought it was good that they didn't feel pressured to do so and yes a bit brave too.

fortyplus · 20/07/2014 23:00

One of my friends took a stand and stopped giving party bags after her daughter returned from a party with a live goldfish...

usualsuspectt · 20/07/2014 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheresthelight · 20/07/2014 23:04

I will be doing party bags for dd's first birthday but as all bar 2 kiddies will be 1 or younger it will be cake and a pot of bubbles. The older kids will get a colouring book and pencils as they live next door and I know they love drawing

lettertoherms · 20/07/2014 23:08

NU to not give a party bag. So what?

But certainly not brave and imo rude to bring it up and the reason why to a child.

Eve · 20/07/2014 23:11

I sed to buy sets of books from the book people at £1 each fit every child.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/07/2014 23:11

Yabu. Kids love party bags. And after all, it's about what they like, not what we like at a party isn't it?

ElephantsNeverForgive · 20/07/2014 23:11

Seems perfectly reasonable to me, it does no harm for DCs to think about howmuch the different bits of parties cost and consider what they'd like best.

You don't need to be very old to understand that 30x£1.50 either buys party bags, 1/2 the bouncy castle hire or a lot if crisps and biscuits.

Original poster

MammaTJ · 20/07/2014 23:12

Did she actually say to your dc that they are a waste of money? Or was that to you?

I was working a long day in a hospital 22 miles away and telepathy is not my strong point!

I am quite sure it is clear from the OP she said it to DS!

OP posts:

usualsuspectt · 20/07/2014 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thereturnofshoesy · 20/07/2014 23:13

i like her style
i did Party bags. but omg I think they make kids so grabby(mine included in that)
a bit of cake, all that is needed
so glad I don't have to do this stuff now

ICanSeeTheSun · 20/07/2014 23:21

Problem solved for me, I just take my DC for a weekend away as their birthdays are close together.

ICanSeeTheSun · 20/07/2014 23:26

I really dislike party bags, but kids love them.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 20/07/2014 23:28

We've only ever really had one "proper party" for any of our DCs, once when we happened to have a windfall at just the right time, and I enjoyed doing the party bags more than anything else
Then it turned out that the venue (a local soft play place) had done some included in the fee, so everyone got two!
I like them, they bring back fond memories for me of my own childhood. Even if all they have is a balloon and a piece of cake, they just make that "finishing touch" and the giving out of the bags is the indicator that it's time to go home.
I'm rather afraid I would so judge anyone who didn't give them out at all though. That said, we've never been to a party where there hasn't been party bags, even if they have just been cake or a few jelly beans in them - it's the symbolic "Handing Out Of The Lucky Bag" that counts

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