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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this Mum was brave but not wrong!

102 replies

MammaTJ · 20/07/2014 22:46

DS went to a party today, He stated yesterday that he liked parties because of the party bags. I told him he might not get one, while fully expecting that he would, as is the norm due to social pressure.

At this party there was a disco, so DJ to be paid, and a bouncy castle on the lawn.

DS went to say thank you to the Mum and she said 'Sorry there are no party bags, as I think they are a waste of money'.

DS was upset coming away, but was told by DP to get over it as she is not wrong.

All the DC had had a lovely time playing and dancing and probably had a nicer time than they would have done if they had had party bags and no disco or bouncy castle.

I wonder if I will be so brave!

Will you?

AIBU to agree with this mum?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/07/2014 11:02

Well she is right really but kid do like getting them. I think bag with bubbles, balloon, cake and small box of smarties is a good halfway house from bag full of plastic tat.

HayDayQueen · 21/07/2014 11:21

Party bags (or party parting gift) is a social convention.

Break with social conventions and you will be either be considered brave and unique, or rude and a twat.

I'm leaning toward rude and a twat.

What's so hard with a cheap bulk pack of books, some bubbles, or even a key ring?

NewtRipley · 21/07/2014 11:26

I have done party socks and party gloves (Winter). Socks or gloves with a few chocs in . Parnts happy, children happy

NewtRipley · 21/07/2014 11:29

I think that if party mum said to a small child "they are a waste of money", then that was a bit unnecessary

Purpleroxy · 21/07/2014 11:33

I think party mum was wrong.
All you need to do is buy a multipack of mini mars or Haribo and stick one in a bag with cake. Party bags done for whole party, only cost is the multipack as you have cake anyway. Can get such a multipack for under £2 so if you can pay for DJ, castle etc, £2 extra is presumably fine.

OwlCapone · 21/07/2014 11:35

How is the party mum "wrong"? Party bags are not compulsory. Not doing them may be different but it's not wrong.

NewtRipley · 21/07/2014 11:37

I think, don't get party bags but then don't get sanctimonious about it to a child.

This makes it sounds like I care about it more than I actually do, mind you

Sapat · 21/07/2014 11:44

There are party bags and party bags. I never buy tat. We eat the cake at the party (weird not to have birthday cake at the party to my mind, and I hate how the slice gets squished in a napkin. If the child did not fancy the cake, I will wrap a slice in foil to take home). I put a packet of sweets, some balloons, and either a pot of bubbles, play dough, plastic gold coins (always a hit), little car or hair clips. I have been to parties where each child has been given a mask, a book or a little DVD instead of a party bag. Basically I only give what I would be happy to receive.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 21/07/2014 11:48

I don't really like party bags either, but I will admit to being a massive hypocrite and allowing dcs to bring enough in to school for everyone in their classes, as they both have summer birthdays and it's a nightmare trying to organise a party over summer holidays due to people being gone and so on. So we did the party bags instead of the party. The dcs enjoyed it as they could bring them to school and share with their classmates. It also meant I could spend a teeny bit more on them, so each child got a fancy pencil, small notebook, (age appropriate) comic book, haribos, and special decorated iced cookie (pirate ship for younger dc's class) or chocolate bar (for older dc's class). Everyone seemed fine with it, including the teachers. And no RSVPs or food trays to prepare. Win-win. Grin

BankWadger · 21/07/2014 11:50

We didn't do party bags for DS this year.the kids were momentarily deflated by the news (broken by DS in is very blunt manner), but between the party activity and cake (which we served as dessert) it wasn't missed.

Paying for the party it self cosy us enough and we just didn't need the extra expense.

That said I did have an 11th hour wobble about not doing them!

Original poster
MammaTJ · 21/07/2014 14:44

BankWadger, you kept your courage though!

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 21/07/2014 15:31

They must have published about 15,000 Rainbow fairy books so far, JustaShopGirl, I'm finding it hard it believe your dd got the same one six times...

Messygirl · 21/07/2014 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustAShopGirl · 21/07/2014 15:35

Hmm don't know what is hard to believe, she got the one with her name six times... because no one else would have thought of that

Floggingmolly · 21/07/2014 15:39

Ah, sorry! Missed the crucial part there. Nice thought though, I'd probably have thought I was being "original" if I'd thought of it, I have to admit Blush

HopefulHamster · 21/07/2014 15:40

I recently did a build a teddy bear party for my son, where they each got to take home a bear (not the actual build a bear brand, that's too £££) so I didn't want to do big party bags. But was scared of doing nothing as well! I found some little Moshi Monster present things that were £1.50 each on Amazon and put some cake in. So they only got one toy in the party bag - but that should've been enough right as they got a bear too? Eeeep.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/07/2014 16:03

Well I think its taking ungratefulness to a new level to bitch about people thinking of the same gift for your child tbh.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 21/07/2014 16:22

When we were kids, it was "bring present to party, cake and ice cream eaten at party after some party games, kids go home full of cake and ice cream". No party bags. That's it, really. Worked fine. That's the same way we handle dd's birthdays as she was growing up, and never got any hassle over lack of a party bag. Due to specific circumstances, parties for ds1 and ds2 are more of a logistical nightmare, so we usually bring something into the school for the birthday boys to share with their class, rather than have a party inviting friends or classmates. We do, however, have a "family" birthday get together (which I know is not the same, but that's life).

NewtRipley · 21/07/2014 16:22

JustAshopGirl

You sound really ungrateful.

I think that it's showing extra thoughtfulness to buy a gift with a child's name on it.

MrsCakesPremonition · 21/07/2014 16:24

If she had said "Here's a slice of cake, I hope you enjoyed yourself" then fine. I think delivering a mini-lecture to (presumably) every child there is a bit off.

Messygirl · 21/07/2014 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCakesPremonition · 21/07/2014 16:26

Actually make that "every guest" instead of "every child". Would you lecture adult guests "I'm sorry there is no free-bar, but people take advantage and behave terribly"? Or is it only children who we feel the urge to "educate" at every opportunity.

NewtRipley · 21/07/2014 16:28

Madrigals

I grew up in the 70s and it was mainly cakes in a napkins when I was little. I think the party bags started in the 80s, as you say

VinoTime · 21/07/2014 16:41

I always do party bags, more as a, "Thanks for coming and going to the effort of buying me a gift!"

Are they a hassle? Yes

Does everything in them get thrown in the bin? Yes.

Are they a waste of money? Yes.

I still do them. For dd's birthday this year, the place we went to arranged the bags - cake, crisps, a sweetie, party hat and whatever plastic/wooden tat they'd won during the party games. Kids were happy.

Last year I bought Mr Men and Little Miss books out of Poundland for each of the girls and gave them a bag with cake and a sweetie in.

The year before last I think I got grow your own sunflower pots with seeds (lucky find in a local shop, think they were about a pound each) and again, gave away some cake and a sweetie.

I just do it as a gesture.

seasidesally · 21/07/2014 16:45

god i hate the things they are either full of tubes of bubbles and plastic crap or the total other end very expensive and fancy,stealth by party bag Grin

im pretty lucky as my sons birthday is very near Christmas and i buy, buy 1 get 1 free on the selection box's which are on offer every year Grin

though nowadays it's pretty much expected a party bag so can see a child would get upset

but i dont blame the mother either bowing to party bag pressure