Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this Mum was brave but not wrong!

102 replies

MammaTJ · 20/07/2014 22:46

DS went to a party today, He stated yesterday that he liked parties because of the party bags. I told him he might not get one, while fully expecting that he would, as is the norm due to social pressure.

At this party there was a disco, so DJ to be paid, and a bouncy castle on the lawn.

DS went to say thank you to the Mum and she said 'Sorry there are no party bags, as I think they are a waste of money'.

DS was upset coming away, but was told by DP to get over it as she is not wrong.

All the DC had had a lovely time playing and dancing and probably had a nicer time than they would have done if they had had party bags and no disco or bouncy castle.

I wonder if I will be so brave!

Will you?

AIBU to agree with this mum?

OP posts:
ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 21/07/2014 08:26

We didn't do party bags at DS1's party. Instead we gave each child a filled water pistol about 15 minutes before the end Grin

And a now fuck off home lolly when they finally did leave. The kids didn't mind one bit.

MrsSchadenfreude · 21/07/2014 08:29

I never used to do party bags. I used to get a raft of books from the Book People, it worked out at £1, or slightly more per person. The parents loved it (no plastic tat) and it seemed to go down well with the children too.

MrsSchadenfreude · 21/07/2014 08:30

Snap, Chumhum!

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 21/07/2014 08:41

Have also done the book people thing in the past too, so much better than plastic tat, though have had some fun doing themed bags for themed parties (eg a trip to china town to get tat for a Sumo party).

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/07/2014 08:49

Sorry, saying that makes her sound quite tight to me.

privetandpetunias · 21/07/2014 08:59

I quite often don't do party bags, but I tend to do parties at home where we make things. For my daughters last party we baked and decorated biscuits and at another party we made hobby horses with card heads and a garden cane and they took those home.
I think its good to do things a bit differently and I do agree most things that get put in party bags are a waste of money.

JustAShopGirl · 21/07/2014 09:09

the book thing gets to me though - how many copies of "Rainbow magic" in my daughter's name do people think we need...

or do they really think no-one else has thought of that - grandparents/mum and dad/Aunties as well as every bleedin party bag, so straight to the charity shop.

And by number SIX, my 5 year old dd was trying hard to smile and say thank you.

Some parents might love it.

Pagwatch · 21/07/2014 09:14

I want to ask a question but I wouldn't want to get the 'what am I, fuckingtelepathic' response...

ilovepowerhoop · 21/07/2014 09:16

I wouldnt do a book as they may have it already or they may not like the type of story. Sweets, crisps and cake would be plenty

MrsSchadenfreude · 21/07/2014 09:18

I didn't buy the Rainbow Magic books, or those Fairies shit, or the Lost Puppy/Kitten/Gorilla stuff. I picked older, more classic books - eg The Diddakoi, Carrie's War etc etc, or craft books.

We also had craft parties as they got older - decorating photo frames went down well, and they all left with a photo frame containing a photo of everyone at the party.

Go on Pagwatch, ask away!

Pagwatch · 21/07/2014 09:19

Ooh' I know!

If the conversation went

Cute child "thank you for the lovely party"
Mother "sod off sonny, party bags are a waste of money"
then she was wrong.

If the conversation went
Child 'oi grandma, I'm off. Wheres my loot bag'
Mother 'gosh you are lively. I'm afraid we don't have party bags as I think they are a bit of a waste so we spent the budget on that lovely bouncy castle'
then I would think that was fine.

Pagwatch · 21/07/2014 09:20

[coward]

MrsSchadenfreude · 21/07/2014 09:20

The Mum sounds tight? A disco and a bouncy castle? Confused

MrsSchadenfreude · 21/07/2014 09:21

I agree with Pagwatch.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/07/2014 09:23

If she said those exact words about the party bags then yes IMO

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/07/2014 09:24

She didn't need to say about them being a waste of money. It's a bit cringey.

flipchart · 21/07/2014 09:26

I never bothered with party bags.
I only got asked once and that was by a 9 year old ( who had been coming to DS2 parties for 4 years by then so should have been used to not having them).
He had a whine but he winged at everything so I didn't really care!

Lepaskilf · 21/07/2014 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 21/07/2014 09:31

At one party for DD two people turned up with siblings and I walked in on one of them going through the party bags, in a separate room, before the party was half way though.
The party was for 7 year olds and this kid was about 12. Her mum then cleared the table of uneaten mini rolls and cupcakes. I had to take them off her. It was cringy and hilarious in equal measure.

BigBoobiedBertha · 21/07/2014 09:37

Best 'party bag' DS2 ever got was after a football party when they all went home with a cheap football. He didn't care about plastic tat and sweets and it probably cost a lot less than doing a normal bag ( you could get them 2 for £5 in SportsDirect). They don't all have to be useless plastic tat.

I don't think the mother was brave either. It is purely a matter of opinion and a different way of doing things but I don't think the woman needed to say that they are a waste of money. There was no need to explain herself and she just sounded grumpy tbh It is, arguably, not something you need to say to small children If you do them well and think about what you put in them, they can be a lovely thing and clearly the children enjoy them. However, I will give her the benefit of the doubt because I sympathise entirely with the awfulness of holding a children's party and she could probably see the end in sight and just wanted to go home.

mrstiggy · 21/07/2014 09:43

Last party I did for dd I picked up a load of those cheap 'paint your yourself' wooden toys from Wilkinsons. Flowers and trains and the like. Worked out much cheaper than assorted plastic tat and it gave the kids something to do after. The parents and kids seemed to find it a good idea.
I really don't like party bags that much and it always seems to be full of stuff that doesn't get played with and you throw out the next time you clear out the toybox anyway.

TalcumPowder · 21/07/2014 09:46

I've only skimmed the thread, but I first assumed from the title that the 'brave' mother had jumped into deep water to rescue a child, or something. Is not providing party bags really a stand-out peer-pressure issue to the extent that a refusenik looks 'brave'? Because if so, that's one of the most pathetic things I heard recently.

I've never thrown a party for my toddler, but I'm fairly sure I won't be providing party bags when I do. Close friends with older children seem to stick a piece of cake in a bag. Does that count?

wonderingsoul · 21/07/2014 09:48

I dislike party bags due the tat that will be broken in minutes.

I have done them but with. Stuff that will last, like dvd.. From pound land.. Kids think it's awesome and it's cheap.

This year I may just do cake.

DiaDuit · 21/07/2014 10:41

My dcs had two parties this weekend and i've just realised that aside from a piece of cake that i only noticed beause i suffer from a gravitational pull towards cake i havent a clue what else was in them. Could have been books or hobby horses or a pounds worth of millions. I havent a clue and i dont care.

Original poster
MammaTJ · 21/07/2014 10:54

DS went to say thank you to the Mum and she said 'Sorry there are no party bags, as I think they are a waste of money'.

Had he been rude and demanded a party bag his Dad would have made him apologise!

He said 'Thank you for letting me come to the party'.

No 'Oi Grandma' the mum is considerably younger than me!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread