aibu to think mil shouldn't have called...

[juditz]

...At -not a typo- 4.30am in the morning?

Admittedly, my husband used to get up this early for work but no longer does (he has told her he gets up later now for work) but still-4.30 am !??!

Who the monkeychuff does this unless there is an emergency of sorts or perhaps somebody who needs a lift really early for work. You get my drift; she just wanted a chat.

I'm mad as hell; my dad is ill and we thought it was a call to say the worst.

Day off too and I am knackered as I couldn't get back to sleep.

AIBU?

Yanbu what a stupid time to call for a chat!!

No, of course YANBU. You don't even have to ask one that one! The woman's insane! You don't ring ANYBODY at that time in the morning without either prior arrangement or in the event of an emergency. Think I'd have told her to fuck right off...

She phoned for a chat!!!

What did he say?

Wtaf?! No yanbu! When you get a call at that time of night it's natural to panic- no one calls in the early ams without bad news- or jet lag having moved to Australia! She's neither excuse so she ibvvu.

He told her not to call that early again. I ask IABU because he used to get up this early, but I still feel: well call at a later time when he is back from work.

Nope, not BU.

My husbands sisters have called, regularly, for a visit at 9am as they were passing. I've told them until I'm blue in the face that he's not fit to get up until 11 due to his medication, so they then wait around until that time, with me fetching them tea and eats. I love them but have to stifle the urge to tell them to eff off and come back at a sensible time as that's the only time I have to myself and I'm usually playing catch up with the housework. And breath.

Sorry, back to you OP. Maybe your DH could tell her that you got really scared when the phone went, as you thought something was wrong. She may have momentarily forgot about your husband's change of time. What the heck was she doing up at that time anyway?

Good grief! YANBU.

And to think that I complain when my MIL phones at 10.30pm waking up all the children. Maybe I need to stop complaining.

Actually I don't think calling anyone before work for a chat is acceptable as they're usually busy getting ready for work so can do without the distraction.

She definitely shouldn't have called. If its a one off so long as you've told her not to call at that time again it's not an issue. If she does it again, turn your landline off at night and tell your family to ring your mobile in an emergency.

She used to call at 6 which was bad enough in itself but now it is getting even worse! How can I cure this? I've had enough of the mad woman.

I doubt you'll find anyone who thinks YABU, except maybe your mil.

Titsakimbo, my mil kept ringing between 6-7pm every sodding night, which is when I bath dd and put her to bed. I now switch off house phone at the wall as I walk by and pick up the messages afterwards.

Put the phone down on her. Se doesn't seem to mind being rude, why should you?

And as to the poster with sisters who call round at 9am, simple, don't let them in, don't make them tea. Tell them that as you've said before, this is not a good time, see you later, then close the door. Again, why should you be concerned about coming over as being rude, they don't seem to mind.

i think you have to confront her and just say straight out that calling your house before 9am is completely unacceptable.

you are in an awkward position with your dear dad being ill and needing the phone to be available for that.

does she call the land line? Can you turn that off and make sure everyone else has the mobile numbers?

I would go ballistic if anyone called me at that hour, emergencies excepted. And I wouldn't even tell her that she could phone "in an emergency as she seems the sort to think that "needing a chat" would fit that criteria and you'd be no better off.

My Grandad started doing this when he was in the early stages of dementia. He just lost all awareness of what time it was - and stopped really sleeping too so he'd ring at 4:30 having no clue it was 4:30am not pm.

Could she be developing the same thing?

or

Could you ask her if she thinks she might be developing the same thing to shame her into stopping ringing that early?

Ratbag, mine used to do that and express surprise that we were doing that each time she rang. She has also always rung at around 10.30pm on the children's birthdays (ages 6, 10 & 13 now) and on Christmas Day to "see if the children had a nice day" rather than ring at a time when she could actually wish them a happy birthday.

4:30am?!?!?!

That is only acceptable if there is a dying relative who is not going to make it until morning!

And even then if you have a long term sick relative the hospital asks whether in that circumstance you want to be called or not.

If the relative has died (ie nothing you can do) they generally wait until 7.

Is there any chance she is starting to suffer from dementia? One symptom can be lack of awareness of what time it is

We had a slightly baffling phone call from elderly relly wondering why it was so dark and whether there was a thunderstorm expected, since she'd never known it so dark at ten in the morning.

Actually it was 10pm and quite normally dark, but she'd dozed off earlier in the evening and couldn't sort out her thoughts well enough to work out her error.

Regarding dementia, I just don't know: see she has always been a bit of a pain in the bottom (NOT to say that people with dementia are pains in the bottom, just they do things which are out of the ordinary to people who don't know they suffer from the disease) and is generally oblivious to other people's feelings so it is hard to tell.

Still 4.30 is just ridiculous.

Set your alarm and call her at 3.30am 'for a chat', see how she likes it!

I'm going to call her at 11pm and say I'd hit the wrong button on the phone. It's petty but I'm sick of her early morning calls: she used to call at 6am -which was bad enough!!- but she is taking this to whole new levels of ridiculousness. I am fuming. I am knackered and fuming and mad as hell with her.

I'm not being unreasonable, then, thought not. So tired don't know which way is up!

I once had a double glazing salesman cold call at half past midnight. Nearly broke my neck getting to the phone as I thought it must be life or death type news. I cannot repeat what I said to him. Yanbu!

Quietbat at least yours got the message. I always tell mine she's woken up the children or me (even if she hasn't!) but she persists in calling really late. She just apologises and asks to speak to DH. I think it's a power/ control thing with her.