aibu to think mil shouldn't have called...

[juditz]

...At -not a typo- 4.30am in the morning?

Admittedly, my husband used to get up this early for work but no longer does (he has told her he gets up later now for work) but still-4.30 am !??!

Who the monkeychuff does this unless there is an emergency of sorts or perhaps somebody who needs a lift really early for work. You get my drift; she just wanted a chat.

I'm mad as hell; my dad is ill and we thought it was a call to say the worst.

Day off too and I am knackered as I couldn't get back to sleep.

AIBU?

What did she actually say when told not to call that early again?

Was she apologetic? Did she get the message?

Does she know your dad is ill and so any calls at that time are likely to cause panic? It would BVU of her to ring that early anyway but maybe she needs it spelling out how serious it is.

If she still doesn't get it then you could try getting a cheap pay as you go mobile and only give the number to key family members and the hospital as an emergency contact for your dad, then disconnect the other phone at night.

Is she phoning his mobile on the assumption he is awake, not in the same room as you, and has his phone with him?

Or is she ringing the landline, effectively waking the entire household?

Either way, anyone gettng up early for work gets up at the last possible minute, leaving just enough time to get ready and not enough time to stop for a chat. She is being unreasonable.

'Kin 'ell OP yanbu

Yeah, either ring her at a time that's really late for her; or next time she phones early in the morning, SCREAM down the phone "OMG!! WHAT'S HAPPENED?? WHO'S DIED??" And then burst into tears. Then hang up.

From a different perspective (not that its acceptable), what's her circumstances at the moment.

I'm going from Peri-Menopause to Full and I'm having increasing anxiety.

it's taken me a while to admit this, to myself, let alone my adult children.

I'm wondering if she has a need to talk to someone close?

Aside of that, I never go more than three days between speaking to my eldest (29) and daily to my younger DD's.

I feel a bit sorry for Mothers of some sons.

I am sure that the OP would be just as mad if it was a relative of her own

I would not be polite in my choice of words if my own mother or MIL decided to phone me at 4.30 am it's bloody rude.

Is she lonely or depressed? Of course it's not a normal time to call but I'd be worried she was either not sleeping due to depression or that she was suffering from some kind of dementia.

Why do you feel sorry for mothers of sons?? I'd bloody ring my own mothers neck for doing that as would presumably most of the women here.

Saying that, me and my mom used to do this to each other when parents moved abroad. We used to speak to each other practically every day and sometimes forgot that there was a now time difference.

Why are people so aggressive? All this talk of shouting and neck wringing! I know the moon's getting full but really?!

I'd be concerned! Not angry if my mother or MIL called at that hour.

But nobody should be phoning anyone between 11pm and 7am without good cause! Surely those are the RULES!

Obviously overseas calls are exempt.

@winnebago
I'd be concerned... and then angry when I found out they were just feeling chatty at the crack of dawn.

Yabu poor woman just wants a chat with her son. Who the hell are you to dictate when she can and cannot do that?! If it really is that difficult for you, can't you just go to bed earlier?!

Just joking no yanbu

My mil once woke us up by texting at 6.30am to see if we were awake for a chat. Just because she wakes up that early doesn't mean the rest of us do! We did not chat.

But if you work shifts, or have early/late starts, the usual time limits don't apply.

I was chatting to my DD at 6.30 am this morning, she is on her way to work, he DP is in work, due to finish at 8.30 am.

We all work shifts, so do our best to keep in touch, whenever possible, which can mean calls anytime day or night.

""Why do you feel sorry for some Mothers of sons""

Because some Men don't seem to value chatting, you want to chat to your children, even when they are adults.

Also, their Female Partners don't seem to value the relationship between their MILS and their Partner/Grandchildren and want to control contact in a way that they don't with their blood relatives.

My MIL called my husband at 7:10 yesterday morning and I thought that was bad enough!! I'm a bit weird though and do say that calls before 9am and after 8:30pm had better be an emergency. (Disclaimer - I may be an antisocial wally at times...)

Birds well yes that's all lovely if everyone's on board. :)

Fwiw, I'd be mad as hell if ANYBODY did this, however, I'd be also worried as it is clearly one of two things for somebody to ring at this hour without good cause: emergency for instance. Either they are mad or just unsociable -I think it is the latter with her. God I can't stand her- at first I thought I was being unreasonable to dislike her at first sight. Now I know why!! This is not dementia; it's just her intensely dislikeable personality.

4.30 am!! FFS. Even dh -who is by nature an early riser- thought this was ridiculous.

It's not always the female partner controlling contact birds. Phone calls at sociable times of day are always acceptable. I have a MIL who is retired, has all the time in the world to phone and visit. She only phones late at night and visits once a year if that.

I do value my DH relationship with his mum, she produced the man I fell in love with. But she refuses to understand that she is not his top priority and tries to chip away at our happy family life. I think it's more that she doesn't value our relationship.

Mini-rant over.

Is she very lonely, or depressed, or recently bereaved? Does she know that you dh doesn't get up at that time any more?

If no, no,no and yes, then hang up on her and tell her very firmly later in the day that it's not on.

I ask because for about 6 months after my dad died, my usually sane and sensible considerate mother used to ring at bizarre times of the day and night- she just wasn't thinking straight. As she recovered she stopped. And actually didn't remember doing it.

Actually I work shifts. It doesn't mean that on our day off we want mil texting at 6.30! Even DS wasn't awake.

I know my mum gets up somewhere between 5am and 5:30. I still wouldn't 'phone her until after 9am because those times mean Emergency!

YADefinitelyNBU.

No she has always been an early riser -bad enough when she called at 6- but this is getting ridiculous. She's just a PITA; not bereaved or not thinking straight. This is NOT out of character; I really do believe that with age her tendency to totally disregard others' is getting worse. It's not like she was reasonable then she rings at 4.30-sure I'd be more concerned than asking aibu? if this were the case.

I don't want to unplug the phone, but I can't be having this shit. So much to do today and zero energy to do it with.