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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH unreasonable, or not?

83 replies

Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:17

I'm going to stick to the bare facts...

We had a pest control person in our house. My DH and I were talking with him. He mentioned that he had had a call out about fleas earlier in the week (a flea infestation, I assume.)

I said "Oh, our dog's got fleas," to which my DH said "No she hasn't. Why are you making up stories?"

Your thoughts, please.

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 08/07/2014 22:18

Depends if your dog actually has fleas or not?

grocklebox · 08/07/2014 22:18

Does your dog actually have fleas? Hmm

PedlarsSpanner · 08/07/2014 22:18

Why was the pest person in your house - a guest or with their professional hat on?

Finola1step · 08/07/2014 22:19

Has the dig got fleas?

Finola1step · 08/07/2014 22:19

Dog not dig!

Only1scoop · 08/07/2014 22:20

Eh?....

Writerwannabe83 · 08/07/2014 22:20

Get some Front Line for your dog!

Hassled · 08/07/2014 22:22

My thoughts are that your DH has no qualms whatsoever about putting you down in public. Whatever his motivation (he didn't want the pest control person to think you were manky? Nuts - he was already in your house controlling pests) - he had no problem with calling you a liar in front of a stranger. That's not good.

SugarAndSpice126 · 08/07/2014 22:22

Pretty humiliating to be spoken to like that in front of someone else, so yes I would think unreasonable. Was he joking around or straight faces

Original poster
Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:29

I believe that the dog does have fleas, yes.

I asked my mum to get some Frontline for me today, as I was working all day and couldn't get to the shops myself.

She didn't get it, because it was £7:00, and she thought it was too expensive (I would have given her the money.)

Anyway, I thought I'd mentioned it to DH, but I either hadn't, or I had and he'd forgotten.

So, I think know the dog's got fleas, as I've seen her scratching furiously, DH doesn't agree.

The thing is, if we have different opinions on whether the dog does/doesn't have fleas, is "Why are you making up stories?" a reasonable thing to say to a grown woman?

OP posts:
Original poster
Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:31

And no, he wasn't joking. He said it seriously, with a straight face.

OP posts:
Teeb · 08/07/2014 22:33

I suppose if you don't think it's an acceptable way to be spoken to then it's a problem.

If my partner said it to me I'd think he was being jokey, but that's because I know we have a good relationship. Not that I'm saying you have a bad relationship, I'm just meaning there's probably more to this?

Deathraystare · 08/07/2014 22:33

May be he was just a bit embarrassed to admit it and wished you hadn't said that. To be honest I can image it around the other way more. The man letting slip the dog has fleas, cue embarrassed wife shushing him, giving the cold stare or kicking his ankle!!!

RedSoloCup · 08/07/2014 22:34

Poor dog you should treat it immediately how would you like to be left being bitten by horrible fleas?

jackstini · 08/07/2014 22:34

Maybe he just didn't think she had, as you hadn't told him?

Sounds like one of you has a flea in your ear..... (sorry)

littlewhitebag · 08/07/2014 22:35

So you "believe" your dog has fleas. You may or may not have told your DH that the dog "might" have fleas. Your DH doesn't think the dog has fleas at all. Is that right?

I think you and your DH need to improve your communication and not worry so much about what was said in front of pest exterminator man.

Original poster
Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:37

Sugarandspice sums up how I felt at the time.

I feel that he spoke to me like a child, and I felt completely humiliated. It felt very inappropriate and belittling for him to respond to me in that way.

Why would a husband say that to his wife?

Why not just say, "I don't think she has."

Can't get my head around the fact that he said "Why are you making up stories?"

If DH was not bu, please let me know, because I'm fuming about this, and if it's me who's bu, I'd appreciate someone pointing it out, so I can step down from my high horse!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 08/07/2014 22:39

is "Why are you making up stories?" a reasonable thing to say to a grown woman?

In isolation it's just a question and the answer would be, "I'm not making it up, I've seen the poor dog scratching away and will getting some flea treatment as soon as possible".

In fact, you could have asked the pest control man for some advice.

Is there more to this because, on the surface, it just seems to be an ill-thought out comment.

Dozer · 08/07/2014 22:40

hwbu, but why was the pest man there?

catsofa · 08/07/2014 22:42

If you've suddenly said in front of a stranger that the dog you both have lived with for ages has fleas, when this is the first your husband has ever heard of it, then I'm not too surprised if his first reaction was something along the lines of "What have you suddenly come out with something random like that for?"

I would expect another adult in the house to mention something like this to me first before blurting it out to someone else who doesn't live there! Not doing so is a bit insulting really.

Having fleas is not a matter of opinion, the dog either has fleas or doesn't. Do some research to find out for certain. Scratching could be caused by lots of things and you can't treat it without knowing the actual cause. Try discussing it with other adults in the house, e.g. "Have you also noticed the dog scratching? Have you seen any fleas? Have you been bitten? Can you think of anything else it could be?"

Original poster
Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:44

Yes RedSolo of course.

As far as I was concerned, my mum was getting the stuff so that I could treat the dog as soon as I got home, but in her wisdom Confused she decided not to buy it because it was too expensive.

I didn't realise this until I got home from work.

It's the fact that DH accused me of making up stories, in front of a relative stranger, just because he disagreed with me, that I think was unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:48

Catsofa, the man was a pest control man.

It's not as if it was Mrs Bucket. I hardly think he would be horrified to hear that our dog has fleas. I genuinely thought I had mentioned to Dh, as I said.

OP posts:
DoJo · 08/07/2014 22:50

Is it that he disagreed with you or that he had absolutely no knowledge of it as this was the first time he had heard your theory? To be honest, it sounds odder to me that you had managed to tell your mum about your concerns about the dog, but not your husband.

However, I wouldn't like to be spoken to like that in seriousness by my husband (he wouldn't - if he had said something like that it would have been a joke) and I would assume that he was annoyed with me about something else if he was using language like that. Had you disagreed about something else? Has he ever accused you of making up storied before? Is there any chance he thought you were attracted to the pest control man and was 'marking his territory' in an odd kind of way?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/07/2014 22:51

Seriously, does everyone think its ok to say 'why are you making up stories' as a way of questioning a grown adult?

Something like 'oh I didn't know that?' or 'really? I'm not so sure' or 'why do you say that?' are all reasonable comments... But the 'making up stories' comment is not.

'Making up stories' implies:
Lying, exaggerating or saying something untrue for the effect. Is that something you regularly accuse an adult of in front of strangers?

Not something I'd do personally!

Original poster
Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:51

The fact is, two adults have different opinions about something.

One accused the other of making up stories. Am I the only one who thinks this is a pretty disrespectful thing to say to your spouse, just because you think that the person is wrong?

I'm realising that perhaps IABU?

OP posts: