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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH unreasonable, or not?

83 replies

Misfitless · 08/07/2014 22:17

I'm going to stick to the bare facts...

We had a pest control person in our house. My DH and I were talking with him. He mentioned that he had had a call out about fleas earlier in the week (a flea infestation, I assume.)

I said "Oh, our dog's got fleas," to which my DH said "No she hasn't. Why are you making up stories?"

Your thoughts, please.

OP posts:
Original poster
Misfitless · 09/07/2014 07:29

Any I have spoken to him, but he has a way of saying sorry that makes out that I am just being overly sensitive.

"I'm sorry if what I said upset you...I didn't mean to upset you."

I know that on the face of it, that seems like a completely reasonable response, but if you were in the room I'm sure you'd understand.

I feel like I can use AIBU for this.

AIBU is surely a tool to help the OP to get someone else's perspective on a difficult situation, which is what I was asking for Confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Misfitless · 09/07/2014 07:31

You do if you're posting on threads in which you have no interest, or opinion, Batman, yes!

Maybe there is more to this, but maybe I just wanted to see things in the context of this particular incident, rather than not being able to see the woods for the trees anymore.

I just needed a snap shot, which many posters have been kind enough to give me.

OP posts:
VioletHare · 09/07/2014 07:34

Was it to do with embarrassment maybe?

DH is really funny about things like this. I can imagine him saying similar if I said this, out of pure panic/embarrassment at me telling a stranger we 'had fleas'.

He was the same when the dc had threadworms. I know it's just one of those things when you have small dc, I don't find it any more embarrassing that when they have a cold. But I have never seen dh look more mortified than when he was standing next to me when I was having a quiet word with dc's teacher to let them know. I really thought he was going to expire from the horror of me telling someone we 'had worms'.

StanleyLambchop · 09/07/2014 08:02

I think from your first post, I would say YABU as it was just a throwaway comment, albeit a twatty one. I would not be thinking too much over it, after all who hasn't said something stupid and regretted it afterwards. However, you did not tell us in the first post that he does this all the time, which puts a different slant on it. In that case YANBU and need to talk to him about his treatment of you.

Fairenuff · 09/07/2014 08:06

You are giving too little information for posters to be able to help you. One throw away comment means nothing, it's the big picture which is important.

Two things: 1) why can't you have a different opinion to him and 2) why was the pest control man in your house?

Osmiornica · 09/07/2014 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whois · 09/07/2014 08:58

A normal response to 'dog has flees' if you weren't sure would be 'does she? I heaven't seen her scratching?'

HIs response was belittling.

EllaMenopy · 09/07/2014 10:41

Was the pest control person particularly attractive? Perhaps your husband thought you were looking for excuses for ongoing pest control requirements.

But more likely, it's as VioletHare suggested- a momentary lapse into knobheadedness due to acute embarrassment. Either way, YANBU, but if he's usually not a knob, you should forgive him fairly soon.

ConfusedDotty · 09/07/2014 10:48

YABU to leave your poor dog with fleas. Have you got the Frontline yet?

Only1scoop · 09/07/2014 10:55

Strange thread....

Hope the poor dog has been treated

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 09/07/2014 11:10

If the dog had fleas, the whole house would be infested, especially in the warm weather!
If your dog hasn't been flea treated, it WILL have fleas...

EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 11:31

"I'm sorry if what I said upset you...I didn't mean to upset you."

So what would you like him to say then?

You say you are surprised by some posters responses, which makes me think that you thought everyone would say that YANBU. Life isn't like that.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 09/07/2014 11:33

'Why are you making up stories' is an utterly bizarre thing to say.

It doesn't just say the other person is mistaken but that they are deliberately lying.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 09/07/2014 11:36

EarthWindFire, because that isn't an apology. Can't you see the difference between,

'I'm sorry I said your mum was an interfering old bag'

and,

'I'm sorry you got upset when I said your mum was an interfering old bag, I didn't mean to upset you but she is '

EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 11:42

That is a completely different example from your one which I quoted!

harrietspy · 09/07/2014 11:43

YANBU. 'You didn't tell me!' or 'Since when?' would have been understandable (but still not very pleasant) responses, but to accuse you of making it up is VU.

ScrambledSmegs · 09/07/2014 11:43

Perfect example of an NHS apology, IMO.

'We're sorry that you feel we botched your operation when we removed your healthy kidney instead of the failing one'.

So basically saying it's the complainant's fault for being upset, instead of the person who caused the upset in the first place. Of course ignoring the fact that the complainant wouldn't be feeling like that in the first place if the nobbers hadn't upset them.

Original poster
Misfitless · 09/07/2014 12:16

Thanks everyone. DO appreciate people taking the time to help me work this one out in my head!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/07/2014 12:18

but why was the pest control fella in your house ?

summertimeandthelivingiseasy · 09/07/2014 12:25

We had a pest control person in our house. My DH and I were talking with him. He mentioned that he had had a call out about fleas earlier in the week (a flea infestation, I assume.)

Why?????????????????
Was he there to do a hard sell on fumigation?
Had you invited him round?

zippey · 09/07/2014 12:28

I wasnt all that interested at first but the question has been asked more than a few times now. Please answer AnyFuckers question!

TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/07/2014 12:53

is the pest control man a friend of yours?

AnyFucker · 09/07/2014 13:00

< shh > it's a secret

AngelinaLaide · 09/07/2014 13:07

I don't understand why so many posters are missing the point.

Your DP was VU to speak to you like that.

If he was unaware of the flea situation, or he disagreed with you, a normal response to you saying that would be 'really, has she? I didn't know', or 'nah, I don't think she has fleas, do you?'

A normal response is not, 'silly wife, why are you making up stories about fleas for the pest control man? You're just telling fibs aren't you?'

I totally get why you're pissed off OP.

HecatePropylaea · 09/07/2014 13:13

why on earth would you say that your dog has fleas if you didn't think that it was the case?

Your husband's comment was ridiculous.

Does he really think that you are the sort of person who likes to pretend that their pets have blood sucking parasites in order to have something to talk to someone about Hmm

Is it that he feels that the dog having fleas is somehow shameful? Like we all used to feel about the nit nurse finding something? Grin

He was a twit and yes, it was a very stupid thing to say. Whether he intended it to or not, I imagine it made you feel very small. He ought to care about that.