Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Dh seeing his familyEVERY weekend

90 replies

steth · 27/04/2014 12:47

My dh works abroad approx 3 days a week so really 4 nights away as he arrives home about 10pm on the fourth day. So at the weekend I always look forward to having a family weekend just our dc's and dh. But every bloody weekend my mil calls or texts to see what time we are coming over. Not when or if we are coming but at what time. Really f'n pisses me off as this leaves only 1 day a week where we can all spend some quality time as a family.

I have complained to dh about this and he suggests that he goes to pils with the dc's and I have a day to myself to do stuff but he is missing the bloody point! I want us to spend time as a family.

It has become an expectation of pil that we see them at some point every weekend. On top of that mil is a pain the ass so I would rather spend little or no time with her.

When we lived abroad it was the happiest time ever as we had all our own time with no annoying pils.

Yes I understand that they want to see dc's but I don't understand why they need to be so greedy every weekend.

OP posts:

dancemom · 27/04/2014 12:51

Say no. Not this weekend. Having some family time.

Shinyshoes2 · 27/04/2014 12:53

Just tell him no ... Firmly

paxtecum · 27/04/2014 12:53

Once a month sounds better. Maybe start off by dropping it to every other weekend.

Littleturkish · 27/04/2014 12:54

Work out a schedule- every other weekend? Do you ever see your family?

FunnyFoot · 27/04/2014 12:54

I think you are going to have to be a little clearer in you explanation to DH.

'DH given that you work away so much in the week, weekends are our family time together. By this I mean our family, me, you and DC's. While seeing PIL is of course important we do need to spend time together so from now on I think it is fair to everyone that we see PIL every other weekend. That way we can do our family things one weekend then enjoy quality time with PIL on the other weekend.'

Should your DH not like this compromise I would then ask him WHY he didn't want to spend time with just you and DC's.

Hope it works out OP.

FunnyFoot · 27/04/2014 12:55

X posted with everyone! Damn my slow fingers

Ellie36 · 27/04/2014 12:55

Answer the phone/text and say you're not going? Every weekend is just crazy!

Writerwannabe83 · 27/04/2014 13:11

Why don't you take your children to see their grandparents in the week whilst your DH is away? That way they will still get their 'fix' of seeing their grandchildren each week without it having to eat into the time you have when DH is home?

SpiderNugent · 27/04/2014 13:16

Writerwannabe can you stop making sensible and rational suggestions please. This is a mn thread about a MIL for heavens sake, no room for logical advice here

Writerwannabe83 · 27/04/2014 13:18

Many apologies to you spider - continue with MIL bashing

Original poster

steth · 27/04/2014 13:22

Thanks everyone, yes every other weekend sounds much better but they will always have some family occasion that we have to be there for. A niece, nephews birthday (everyone meets at pils for these) a religious occasion, today's occasion being that everyone is going to watch the bloody football. Text I received said 'hello x, lunch is at 1 as match is at 2 see you in a while'. I'm just fed up.

I don't see my parents as often as they live abroad. I feel like the best solution is to move away again, although this seems drastic I am really tempted as I have had enough.

Some weekends if we visit in a Saturday they will ask if we at coming over on Sunday fss!

Pissed off beyond belief

OP posts:

FunnyFoot · 27/04/2014 13:23

ladymariner · 27/04/2014 13:23

spider

LUKYMUM · 27/04/2014 13:25

They are his family. Family time includes them in his mind. To be fair I don't have in laws and ex MIL hated me so I understand from your point of view.
But. ....

yellowdinosauragain · 27/04/2014 13:27

Do you work? Are your kids settled in school? If not I'd seriously consider moving away to where your dh works if that is a practical consideration. Not just to get away from your ils but also because I'd prefer to a be together as a family.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/04/2014 13:28

I think it's quite odd if your DH actually feels the need to see his parents every weekend - he's an adult after all, why is he still dependent on them in that way?

I probably see my parents once a month - which seems fine to me.

I know some people who try and avoid spending time with their parents at all costs

Spending time with you and your children are his priority, not his strange need to see his parents every weekend.

Sirzy · 27/04/2014 13:32

Does your DH want to go and see them? Doesn't exactly sounds as if it is against his will so perhaps that is how he likes to spend his free time? I don't think wanting to see your parents is all that strange really.

You still get a day together every weekend anyway. If you don't want to go you don't have to go.

Lobbing · 27/04/2014 13:33

Is it strange to want to see your parents once a week?

Dwerf · 27/04/2014 13:34

i used to have this.
saturday... I'll take the kids out so you can get on with the cleaning/have sometime to yourself/whatever.
sunday... well, you had yesterday childfree so I'm off to see my parents/brother/sister

I'm single now. so same situation except I now get both days childfree and he doesnt have sex anymore.

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/04/2014 13:35

Text I received said 'hello x, lunch is at 1 as match is at 2 see you in a while'

'That's nice, hope you have a nice lunch and that your team wins :)'

Then pop your phone on silent, and have a family day.

ladymariner · 27/04/2014 13:38

Since when has it been strange to want to see your parents every week?

eightandthreequarters · 27/04/2014 13:38

So what is DH's response when you have explained to him that only 1 weekend per month at PIL's is acceptable? If their is a niece/nephew birthday, then send a gift, but you don't have to be there for every event. Certainly not the football. I imagine that your DH enjoys his trips to PIL and wants to keep going. You two will need to compromise.

Writerwannabe83 · 27/04/2014 13:39

Brilliant funky
A much more civil response than the one I would give.....

eightandthreequarters · 27/04/2014 13:41

I think it's strange to see your parents every week when

your partner does not really like them
you work away for most of the week and don't see your own family
it's causing a problem in your marriage

Writerwannabe83 · 27/04/2014 13:41

Maybe it's not strange to want to see parents every week - but it is strange when he chooses to spend time with them over choosing to spend time with his wife and children - especially when they hardly have any time together and when he knows it upsets his wife.

Flip

1 2 3 4