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AIBU?

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Original poster

to wonder why men dating online...

97 replies

giggleshizz · 10/03/2014 22:00

...seem to only want to date younger women!

I am a 40 year old female revisiting the land of online dating and am struck by the difference in age ranges between male and females.

My (and many of my female friends of a similar age who date online) age range is a few years below and a few years above so say 37-47 seems reasonable.

A 40 year old man seems to think that 25-37 is reasonable. I have seen a few 45 year olds asking for women 20-35 and even those who can consider a woman in their 40's seem to have a cut off age as one year below their own e.g. a 45 year old man seeking female 35-44.

Why!!! I can to some extent see that childless men in their 40's might think that a 40 year old woman can no longer have a child but really....it appears that 90% of men in their early 40's are just not interested in a 40 year old woman.

Sigh...goes off to change age range from 18-34.

OP posts:
Cariad007 · 10/03/2014 22:15

I've always wondered about this too. And it isn't just men in their forties - pretty much all guys on Guardian Soulmates etc want a woman younger than them. I don't get it - perhaps you wouldn't want someone a decade older but if you're 32 then what is the big deal in dating someone who's 33?

brokenhearted55a · 10/03/2014 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigsDOfly · 11/03/2014 00:09

I agree most men seem to think that way. I remember when my exh started dating after our divorce. He was well into his 60s but he only wanted to date women 45 and under.

The odd thing is he seemed to manage to find plenty of younger women who were willing to date him. Can't think why.

PiperRose · 11/03/2014 07:30

I didn't find this to be the case either. When I was online dating (I was 39) my last three dates were respectively; 29 and 26 - spent a couple of months dating each and then 25. We're still together 6 months later and blissfully happy. I'd just like to point out that despite what my rather lovely OH is now saying I am NOT a cougar, that's just how it worked out. Honest!

ChinaChef · 11/03/2014 08:02

It is undeniably the case that men in general specify they are looking for younger partners. Individual cases may vary, but the overall trend is clear. Those who doubt it can easily verify the fact by reading a few pages of profiles.

TheBody · 11/03/2014 08:08

because they are dickheads and probably never been in a long term relationship.

ArsePaste · 11/03/2014 08:09

I married the man I met online dating. He's five years younger.

Only1scoop · 11/03/2014 08:13

My friend and I were saying exact same yesterday. I think it's bloody insulting but I found this. A 40 odd year old would make me I'd be sitting in Starbucks waiting for 6ft handsome man ....and then notice something resembling lurch walking over Confused

CwtchesAndCuddles · 11/03/2014 08:13

I too married dh after meeting online - he contacted me initially and was younger than the age range i had put on my profile..............

NotNewButNameChanged · 11/03/2014 08:30

Bloke's perspective:

When I was online dating (hideous) I looked for women upto 5 years younger than me but no older. My reasons were that my ex was many years older than me and the age gap had become an issue in many ways and while I am sure there are plenty of lovely older women, it was just not something I wished to repeat. Pretty much all of my friends are my age or 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 years younger than me - for whatever reason - so it seems to me that that is the age bracket I have most in common with or get along with.

I saw many female profiles where women in their 30s were stating that they only wanted to date younger men in their 20s, so it's a two-way street.

At the end of the day, for whatever reasons, we all have our preferences and what is reasonable to you may not be reasonable to someone else. Women tend to have more of an issue of a potential partner's height than men do, if online profiles are an accurate representation of the population.

Suzannewithaplan · 11/03/2014 08:37

When I was online dating in my 40's I had a lot of interest from much younger men.

They may say they want a younger woman but most of the over 40's I came across weren't in great shape and I don't imagine many younger women would give them a second glance.

Ime women call the shots in online dating Wink

Trills · 11/03/2014 08:39

I wish there was a filter on "what have they said they are looking for" - anyone who starts their acceptable age range at 18 is off my list, even if I am in the range they are looking for.

Only1scoop · 11/03/2014 08:43

I find it vile when older guys put list looking for 18+

kentishgirl · 11/03/2014 10:00

I used this as a way to filter out the creeps (sorry NNBNC). If they weren't interested in their own age group, I didn't contact them. I don't mind if they want to try their luck and go for younger as well, but excluding their own age, nope.

Most of my contacts either came from much younger men, or much older men, both groups looking for sex. Ones roughly around my age were more likely to be looking for an actual relationship.

It's not a prejudice against older men - my ex was 16 years older than me, and OH 4 years older. But I'm not interested in men who are prejudiced against their own age group.

Elfhame · 11/03/2014 10:08

Because they are dirty old gits!

Cariad007 · 11/03/2014 10:31

A couple of years ago the top male profile on Soulmates was a guy who'd not only specified age range (up to five years his junior) but also specified hair colour (blonde or redhead) AND nationality. He only wanted to date Swedes or Danes!

gilmoregirl · 11/03/2014 10:53

Totally agree : )

I think it is more of an issue as a woman over 40. I am 40 and I am constantly amazed that almost all of the guys my age are looking for much younger women. Most have an upper age of 35.

I was single for six years from when I was 33 - 39 and was so absorbed with making a stable life for DS and me that I did not even think about dating. Last year I felt ready and wished I had done it before as reckon I would have had a much better chance in my thirties : (

Despite being 40 I still harbour hope that I may meet someone and ideally I would love to have another child but men seem to think I am too old. I suppose many men want to have children so they are looking for more fertile years?

I went on two (bad) dates last week and both men went on and on about how they had been dating a woman in her twenties like it was some kind of achievement!

On my profile I state age from 35 - 45 and get mostly men over 50 contacting me.

Shocked by the top male profile on soulmates - specifying hair colour?! A lot seem to specify weight in stones and pounds and clearly have no idea of what actual women weigh as will say height 5'3" - 5'10" weight 7 - 9 stone etc.

Only have a few more weeks on my membership and may well just give up and buy a cat

Suzannewithaplan · 11/03/2014 11:03

Suspect that women over 40 are just much less likely to tolerate any sh*t from men, that's why they hope to snag someone younger.

Dream on granddad :o

LividofLondon · 11/03/2014 11:57

I'm 46 and have noticed the trend for most men on OD to rather have a woman 20 years younger than 2 years older than them, and that's if they'd even consider someone older. I took great delight in putting one over 40s chancer, who contacted me for a date, in his place. He contacted me all keen after seeing my photos, then I replied saying "I'm too old for you...your profile says "Looking to mingle with someone 25 - 40 ONLY"" Grin

Kewcumber · 11/03/2014 12:04

I'm 49 and it amazed me too how men the same age don;t appear to be prepared to consider a woman even the same age as then never mind older which entirely isn;t what I want becasue statistically I'm likely to live a bit longer than a male f the same age

I too use it as a wanker indicator and only forgive those men who are obviously wanting children (in which case I totally accepted that a 49 year old with NO more children clearly indicated isn't ideal for them).

The ones who particulalry give me the creeps are the ones who say they are 49, are obviously at least 59 (or incredibly unphotogenic) saying 25-40!

They do it because they are convinced they really do look 40 (despite being 55) and that they are a real catch for the lucky 25 year old who bags them.

I wonder if there are women like this? There must be women who put inappropriate things on dating sites?

JohnFarleysRuskin · 11/03/2014 12:04

I'm advising my same-age (43) male friend on the etiquette of internet dating. He definitely wants children if possible, so he is going to put 30-37. I think for some it is only about that.

Kewcumber · 11/03/2014 12:07

When I was online dating in my 40's I had a lot of interest from much younger men. me too - I have given up telling 35 year olds that I won;t consider anyone ore than 10 years younger than me.

My profile says "If you can remember The Sweeney from the first time around you're too young for me and if you live in America, Tunisia or Switzerland you're too far away" but apparently many men online dating can't read... which puts me off too.

Kewcumber · 11/03/2014 12:09

John think if you want kids its fne (OMVHO) but I would say the majority its not about that - many of them say they don;t want children!

JohnFarleysRuskin · 11/03/2014 12:11

When I was online dating, a 35 yr old guy contacted me. Age wasn't important for him - he was looking for women 30 - 45. I thought nice, liberal guy!

I met him, he was 50. Pah.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 11/03/2014 12:15

it is cause the balance of sexual power shifts when women hit 40.

Fact of life.

Seems "unfair" but it is just how it is.

If over 40 and dating, more realistic to look at men around 50.