to wonder why men dating online...

[giggleshizz]

...seem to only want to date younger women!

I am a 40 year old female revisiting the land of online dating and am struck by the difference in age ranges between male and females.

My (and many of my female friends of a similar age who date online) age range is a few years below and a few years above so say 37-47 seems reasonable.

A 40 year old man seems to think that 25-37 is reasonable. I have seen a few 45 year olds asking for women 20-35 and even those who can consider a woman in their 40's seem to have a cut off age as one year below their own e.g. a 45 year old man seeking female 35-44.

Why!!! I can to some extent see that childless men in their 40's might think that a 40 year old woman can no longer have a child but really....it appears that 90% of men in their early 40's are just not interested in a 40 year old woman.

Sigh...goes off to change age range from 18-34.

Seen this too - along with a good many other things that eventually convinced me I'd rather die alone than continue online dating.

IME (and this may not be a general thing) the men I have met that way have tended to be quite sexist old school in that they seemed to be looking for 'a girl to take care of' or things along these lines. I ran and never looked back.

Every man I've met from online dating has been younger than me, I think the oldest was three years younger and the youngest six years younger. I do get a lot of messages from guys in their early twenties, but there's no way I'm going out with someone that young.

The cynic in me thinks that in many (not all) cases, it's because these men believe that a woman a good 10 years younger or so will be (a) prettier (since youth tends to = attractive in our culture), (b) earning less than them (so no threat to their masculinity) and (c) more impressionable (more likely to let them get away with the relationship more on their terms).

"many men online dating can't read"

So true it seems judging by the men contacting me who were the polar opposite of what I said I was after Yeah, just look at my photos and get in touch why don't you. Sod reading even a word of my profile

Try Tinder! It links to your Facebook profile so no chance of lying about age. I'm 37 and specified men age 30-46, got a lot of interest from younger men.
It is very shallow - 'like' or 'not' based on photos, but the men are at least local to you.

I really enjoyed my time on-line dating. Yeah I got some very strange messages from some complete twunts, but I filtered (was extremely choosy) and had some great dates. Plus I'm so glad I persevered and met the man of my dreams.

Men of all ages would ideally like their next girlfriend to be 21. They are also insanely optimistic. A 50 year-old putting 25 as the bottom of his age range thinks he's being realistic because he didn't put 18.

There was research that showed that the gap between how attractive someone is and how attractive they think they are is at its maximum for men in their forties.

Thanks for these answers. So many of you have totally hit the nail on the head with your comments. For some reason it seems as 40 is some kind of magical cut off date when women aren't as interesting!!

I also tend to filter out anyone over 40 who's looking for a 20 year old due to the perv vibes:) Fair enough to the poster who said age gaps can cause problems but I'm not asking for a 30 year old. I'm asking for a 39 year old man to consider a 40 year old woman, we're hardly going to be poles apart!

Unfortunately as someone who's six ft I've got everything against me as not only am I too old I'm also too tall for most:)

Wish I had the guts to also lie about age/height

gigglesz, yeah, height is another one of those things…(says me at 6ft1)

Maybe do a sport where you meet loads of tall fit men (climbing? tennis?), and maybe look for slightly older than you guys?

Thanks fiscal. Am lp so not tons of free time but the idea is good. In my original post I said I put my search range up to 47 which I think is fair. Actually feel young at heart, look younger (still get asked id at times) and have always dated guys younger than me. Not saying that if I met a 50 year old IRL I would not date him but at 40 a 47 year old upper limit feels good for me. Shame the same can't be said for 40 year old men!!!!

Oh and fiscal what did you mean by shift in sexual balance? A lot of women hit their sexual peak at 40. Surely that's a positive

I know, it is if you are in a relationship.

But I mean the sexual power.

Basically, women call the shots (turning down men they don't like, most will get chatted up a fair bit, men have to take "no" a fair bit) until about 40.

Then at 40, the balance shifts and men start to be the one calling the shots (i.e. deciding that actually they want a younger model, that sort of thing.).

At 20/30 men go go after women
after 40, often women go after men (of that age)

It is all very annoying and I don't subscribe to this, but I fear that women's commodity (youth and beauty) depreciates over time, whereas men's commodity (looks, success) often increases with age.

Not sure of there is another turning point again at 60 or 70 though?

speak for yourself Fiscalcliff, I'm 48, I can see through the bullshit that blinded me when I was younger and I'm definitely calling the shots.

IME most men are just chancing their arm...not to mention massively over playing their hands on the looks and charm front

I think that, as with many things, the principle of least interest applies.

As women are increasingly able to be financially self sufficient they're waking up to the fact that men are often more cost than benefit

Fiscal are you saying that womens looks etc depreciate with age?!? I think the complete opposite is the case. I have never felt happier, more confident etc etc and I weigh less than I did when I was 30! Most of my female friends in their 40s look great and infact the Times recently ran an article featuring Heidi Klum, Sandra Bullock, et al about hot single 40+ women. I'm sorry but I completely disagree. In the same way that there are many attractive men 40+ eg George Clooney and so on there are tons of men in that age bracket that have definitely let themselves go....and many of them appear online!!

X post Suzanne :)

Giggles, so true, I think on average women take better care of their overall health and so they truly are more youthful than men as they get older.

There's also the tendency for singe men to just sort of go 'feral'

I think the 'fertile years' for a woman aren't quite so clear cut. Yes, a woman in her 40's can have a baby but the risks are higher. If I was a man wanting a family, I'd choose younger too.

If I were on the dating scene now, I'd want an older man - 55-65 (I'm 45). I wouldn't be interested in men of my age group. We all like different things.

I'd snap up Donald Sutherland if he were free - and he's mid 70's.

Oh, I don't agree with it!

It is just based on experience and what I see

It's not me saying 40+ women are not "hot"

I like to be proved wrong on this!

i had a date this afternoon with a guy i met online. i'm nearly 41, he's 35.

but yes, the amount of men wanting younger women is astonishing. mind you, a 25 year old wanted to 'hook up' for a shag with me. i pointed out i was old enough to be his mother. he replied with 'yeah, i like that'.

i told him to go to his room and think about what he'd done. he hasn't messaged me again.

My perfectly ordinary quite staid profile seemed to attract a lot of 23 year olds who seemed to have forgotten to put their shirts on

They all opened with the line "hey babe"

I would reply "Hello. I'm sure you are lovely but far too young for me" (I'm 46)

Then I would count to ten and I swear, without fail, before I got to 10 they would reply "Age is just a number babe!"

I wonder if you can guess how many of them I dated!

But yes OP you are right. So many men in their 40s and 50s seem to think tere's a queue of 25 year olds waiting to snap them up

And don't even get me started on the picture they post!!

Most of the pictures can be sumed p with th ereply "I'm not impressed by the size of your carp"

My experience of online dating so far is thus:

Being winked at by men young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father.

Bring contacted by men who initially looked and sounded ok and when I have responded they have quickly turned the conversation smutty/downright filthy and I've had to block and report them or they've tried to find out where I live.

I have looked at profiles of men and they sound quite nice and it seems we have alot in common until I see that they want their date to be much younger than them and are very specific about weight, height and body type. As I am over weight this counts me out time and time again.

I have been ignored or blocked by the few I have tried to make contact with.

I have been on the last site for a month, had over 400 views but not even a sniff of meeting someone remotely 'normal'.

I give up!

You never know. I got to the point where I was going to give up and thought 'just one more, this is the last try' and he is now OH.

I remember before online dating there was phone dating.

Some 47 year old guy rang up my then 32 year old self. I told him I wasn't interested as he was too old. He was mortally offended. He just would not believe that someone as wonderful as him couldn't pull a younger women