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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about when nudity is no longer ok....

83 replies

JohnCusacksWife · 01/03/2014 23:51

Chatting to a friend tonight and she was shocked that both my DH and I think it's ok to be naked in front of our DDs (9 & 7). We don't really shut doors in our house so they see us dressing in the morning and one of us is often in the shower while they're in the bath or vice versa. She seemed really appalled by this, although I do have to say she is a prude quite reserved. Are we unusual or doing anything wrong? Am intrigued to see if we're massively out of step with what's deemed acceptable!

OP posts:
phonebox · 01/03/2014 23:54

You're not exactly parading around the house! I think a nervousness around shut doors is worse.

I think your friend has nudity issues, TBH. If DDs are comfortable with it then that's all that matters.

DarlingGrace · 01/03/2014 23:55

Your older child is probably getting to the cut off age for seeing the opposite sex parent in full glory. There are times when you have to decide to have bit of dignity too.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2014 23:56

I think it's acceptable to most of mumsnet from what I've read.

It's also acceptable to me although my kids have never seen me or DH naked.

Just as I never saw my parents naked and to my knowledge, DH didn't see his either.

For me, it's one of those 'each to their own' situations.

I think I've seen more 'shock' on MN when someone declares that they grew up absolutely fine without ever having laid eyes on their Mums fanjo or their Dad's cock.

FarelyKnuts · 01/03/2014 23:57

Nudity around children becomes a problem only at the point of
a) the child says/shows they are not comfortable and you persists in doing it/ ridicule their feelings
b) someone is getting something sexual out of it

otherwise age is arbitrary really

CorusKate · 01/03/2014 23:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 01/03/2014 23:58

Your 9 YO will let you know when they're ready by over-dramatically dying of embarrassment when it comes up Grin

Don't let her make you feel weird about it, she's not weird either by valuing her privacy, it's each to their own I reckon.

CorusKate · 01/03/2014 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BurningBridges · 01/03/2014 23:58

My DDs are now 10 and 12. When older DD started to develop I told DH to stop barging in to the girls' rooms without knocking, no going into toilet or shower when they are there, and to use pyjamas or a dressing gown and I do the same although if they come to my bedroom whilst I am changing they might see me naked.

What you are doing now is not wrong, but as they get older they will want more privacy themselves. I don't think you should force your own nudity on children and they will normally let you know, show they are uncomfortable, when they are ready to stop seeing your bits etc! With DDs 9 and 7 I'd say you could start making an effort to cover up a bit more now.

Original poster
JohnCusacksWife · 01/03/2014 23:58

phonebox, she has massive nudity issues...ties herself in knots trying to change under a towel when we're at a spa etc. As if anyone else actually cares?

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/03/2014 00:00

What farelyknuts said, age has nothing to do with it what so ever.

Original poster
JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:00

Why should any of us cover up more if no-one is bothered by it though??

OP posts:
ProfessorSkullyMental · 02/03/2014 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:02

phonebox, she has massive nudity issues...ties herself in knots trying to change under a towel when we're at a spa etc. As if anyone else actually cares?

Right so knowing that and the fact that in your opinion she's a 'prude'

Why are you asking if you're doing anything unusual or wrong?

Original poster
JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:03

Just to clarify I don't want to "force my nudity" on anyone. If they want privacy in the bedroom/bathroom they'll absolutely get it but I don't see anything wrong with sharing a bathroom while they're happy with it...

OP posts:
Hexbugsmakemeitch · 02/03/2014 00:04

Worra no judgement just genuine interest - how on earth have your children never seen you naked?

They've never walked in on you while:

Changing/dressing
In the bath/shower
After swimming
In a shop changing room
Camping/sharing a room on hols?

I'm not one for walking round in the scud ( too cold here really!) but my children see me and my husband naked on a regular basis just in the course of daily life.

As they get older I assume they will naturally become a bit more modest themselves and therefore better about knocking etc but tonever have even accidentally seen you without clothes...my mind is boggled!

Original poster
JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:05

Worra, because our conversation suggested that we were out of step with everyone else. I'm just interested to know whether we are or not.

OP posts:
NoBusinessLikeSnowBusiness · 02/03/2014 00:05

Why should a mother ever have to cover up in front of her daughters???? You're all female. I have seen my mother naked all our lives. I'm 43, she's 75. Probably why I don't have any issues about nudity or normal women's bodies.

Original poster
JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:07

Hexbug, exactly!! Not sure how you go swimming with young kids and manage to avoid it??

OP posts:
AtiaoftheJulii · 02/03/2014 00:08

In my experience it happened pretty naturally - as they got bigger I began to feel a bit odd about it, and they started closing doors to get changed etc, and so it just happened. If everyone is happy and relaxed, you sound like you're fine!

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:09

They've never walked in on you while:

Changing/dressing - No, they've always knocked on my bedroom door.
In the bath/shower - No, I adore my 'me time' and bath alone.
After swimming - No, they've always gone with DH to changing rooms.
In a shop changing room - I've never bought anything I've needed to stip totally naked for.
Camping/sharing a room on hols? I don't sleep naked.

Come to think of it now though, they probably did (or must have) seen DH naked in the swimming pool changing rooms.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/03/2014 00:09

I was brought up by a pair of hippies, I'm a 70's child, I'd have no problem seeing either parent naked and they wouldn't me

BurningBridges · 02/03/2014 00:12

Can I just check OP did you only want to hear opinions if they were the same as yours?

Nocomet · 02/03/2014 00:13

I don't worry at all, DH tends to pull on underpants, DD1(16) doesn't really car, DD2(13) prefers you to knock then walks in naked when she wants something.

Original poster
JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:14

Worra, what is your secret?? How did you persuade your DCs to change after swimming with your DH and not you. Please share.... Smile

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:16

There's nothing to share Confused

He's their Dad so they were happy to go with him.