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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about when nudity is no longer ok....

83 replies

JohnCusacksWife · 01/03/2014 23:51

Chatting to a friend tonight and she was shocked that both my DH and I think it's ok to be naked in front of our DDs (9 & 7). We don't really shut doors in our house so they see us dressing in the morning and one of us is often in the shower while they're in the bath or vice versa. She seemed really appalled by this, although I do have to say she is a prude quite reserved. Are we unusual or doing anything wrong? Am intrigued to see if we're massively out of step with what's deemed acceptable!

OP posts:

Original poster

JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:17

Burning, no, absolutely not. I was just a bit concerned that maybe lots of people would think what we do was a bit "dodgy" (as my friend implied). Am relieved that that doesn't seem to be the case though....

OP posts:

Hexbugsmakemeitch · 02/03/2014 00:20

Thanks for your reply Worra.

I don't sleep naked either I was more thinking of dressing/undressing at either end of the day.

Obviously one doesn't usually strip completely naked in a changing room but there's at least partial nudity...

In answer to the OP, I consider myself a pretty modest and demure person, however as I've noted earlier the children seeing one or both of us undressed is not uncommon and not an issue in our home. I'll be guided by the children's preferences as they get older.

To give some context though outside the home I'd never go topless or wear a skimpy bikini on a beach/poolside and I aim for elegant rather than overtly sexy in my style.

I think it's up to you what you do in your own house and while of course people's views on this will vary I' 'd be pretty surprised if any of my friend's thought it was their place to comment on this.

Original poster

JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:21

Ok, Worra, it was meant as a wee joke. Whatever.....

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:21

You're not dodgy and your friend isn't a prude

Each to their own as long as everyone is comfortable.

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:22

Oh yeah Hex they've seen me in my undies lots of times

I thought we were talking about completely naked

AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:22

When I was 7/8 I mentioned to my friend (can't think how it came up ) that mum and dad walked around with nowt on when they were upstairs in the bathroom/getting dressed, and she was horrified, I'd never even thought about it before and her outrage made me feel as though I was a freak or something.

I'm glad they wern't fussed about their bodies, because even though I close and securely bolt the bathroom door when I'm having a bath so I can selfishly have five minutes to myself, I don't have any hang ups about my body (as such).

Not saying people who don't see their parents naked have hang ups, it's just that I value the way seeing them relaxed about it has directly made me feel relaxed too.

ProfessorSkullyMental · 02/03/2014 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:26

Wishing I'd never asked this now...for the record I don't wander around the house flaunting by bits and would class myself as a modest person (never gone topless etc). However as long as my girls aren't mortified by it I don't feel the need to hide my body away in my own home. A chance conversation this evening made me think this attitude was unusual, hence my question.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:27

However as long as my girls aren't mortified by it I don't feel the need to hide my body away in my own home

And nor should you

Just as your friend shouldn't feel as though she should.

Original poster

JohnCusacksWife · 02/03/2014 00:29

Of course she shouldn't Worra. Each to their own. But she did imply that we were in some way doing something incorrect and seemed to suggest that most people would agree.....

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 00:31

Don't wish you hadn't posted, it's good to think about where the boundaries for your DCs privacy will come when they're ready for some.

We picked up on the cues DD was giving us that she wasn't a 'little girl' any more, yours will let you know too. Much better that you think about them before they come up than be forever wondering.

WorraLiberty · 02/03/2014 00:35

I understand she implied that due to your choices but then you called her prude due to hers.

As a few people have said, it's an 'each to their own' situation.

JennySense · 02/03/2014 00:38

We have 2 girls. They saw DH occasionally until about 5ish. I've shared a weekly bath with the girls. My eldest bowed out at about 11 and the youngest at 7 is still happy [highlight of her week apparently]
I never saw my parents in the nuddy.

Racehorse3007 · 02/03/2014 00:49

Nothing wrong with it at all. It's her problem not yours x

Nocomet · 02/03/2014 01:12

I don't think there is anything dodgy if you respect your DC's wishes if they want to be modest and they accept yours once they are old enough to understand you might want them to knock.

All DCs are different as I say my 16yo DD is very laid back, her younger sister less so.

I'm far to lazy to give whether or not I'm dressed a second thought. Which reminds me tonight I need to as we have visitors.

JazzyCardi · 02/03/2014 01:35

My DS (12) reached the stage of wanting privacy a few years ago. His bedroom door is always shut and he locks the bathroom door when he uses it. He would be mortified if I were to see him naked, and only slightly less so if DP were to.

However, he certainly doesn't care about my privacy, even though I would love some. He regularly uses the toilet when I'm having a bath (wees, not poos) and will barge in when my bedroom door is shut (I only shut it when I'm changing).

He doesn't really appear to notice if I'm naked and isn't at all embarrassed.

DP isn't comfortable with nudity at all so covers himself with a flannel while he bathes. He does this even if he's alone . When he changes he's lightening quick with pants off/on so I doubt if DS has ever seen him.

So, I'm fairly relaxed about nudity and happy to let DS make the rules. Having said that though, I would be very uncomfortable with seeing my parents naked. My mum will talk to me about her prolapse, haemorrhoids, fibroids, nipples etc, but was humiliated beyond belief when I watched a nurse give her an abdominal injection and I tiny bit of her pubic hair was visible.

CorusKate · 02/03/2014 02:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 02/03/2014 02:55

OP your friend is a prude and also a bit of a weirdo if she implies that you and your husband being naked in front of your daughters is in any way odd. We're still very buttoned up about nudity in this country.

I have a friend who refuses to undress in front of her two year old son. Very weird.

squoosh · 02/03/2014 02:58

Goodness Cardi, your DP covers his genitals even when he's alone? Did he have a very religious/repressed upbringing?

AgentZigzag · 02/03/2014 03:06

I'm may come across as a bit weird to other people in a lot of ways squoosh, too many to mention, but I don't think it's weird to want to sidestep the constant stream of 'will I get boobies mummy will they be as big as yours mummy what's that why are you doing that why can't I do that are you washing your hair mummy does it look like that when you're washing my hair' on and on and on and on.

Maybe a bit advanced for a two YO, but it's the scrutiny I can't be doing with with DD2 that I've learned will happen from DD1 being her age when I didn't know any better. (can't be arsed to rephrase sorry)

I haven't just become a prude not wanting to be undressed in front of DD2 when I would have with DD1, I just want more privacy now.

spamm · 02/03/2014 03:35

I am obviously strange. I am 44 and I often see my mom and dad naked. Not something I do deliberately, but when I am visiting them, I will sit on their bed and chat while they get up and have showers, etc... They live 3-4 hours away, so this happens every few months, not daily.

I vaguely remember a phase, probably between 12 and 20 something where I avoided this through teenage embarrassment, but no longer. My DS is 8 and sees DH and I naked. He sometimes gets a little embarrassed, but not for long. Again, I suspect sometime in the next couple of years he will avoid this, and I have no issue with that. We do not parade all around the house, just in our room/bathroom area, so it will be easily avoidable. But I do not want to make him feel it is wrong.

Mutley77 · 02/03/2014 04:47

We sleep in nightwear or underwear but if my kids (oldest is 9) happen to be in my room when I am changing or showering they would see me unclothed! Dh is a bit of a prude and tends to hide his body more anyway but he wouldn't baulk if the kids walked in on him in shower.
Dd (9) is Def now quite appropriately nude conscious around non family but still strips right off in front of immediate family when the mood takes her, eg after a swim etc.
I can't see anything changing tbh, if and when kids are uncomfortable they can avoid seeing us but I'm never going to instigate a locked door secrecy culture here.

TheRaniOfYawn · 02/03/2014 07:42

I don't think there is am age at which nudity stops being ok. Some children get uncomfortable with their nudity or that of their parents when they hit puberty and then it's time to back away a bit. Others don't care and will happily continue interrupting their patents in the shower, in which case there's no need to anything differently.

TheRaniOfYawn · 02/03/2014 07:42

MOTU · 02/03/2014 07:52

It was never an issue for me growing up, we had an open door policy throughout and I still fairly regularly see both parents naked. I think my dad went through a phase of knocking when we were teenagers but that phased out pretty quick once I had a baby (I retained the pregnancy lack of shame forever!). I hope my kids will be chilled out too but it will obviously be up to them, we won't stride around naked but if they bathe into the bathroom/bedroom then that's really up to them!

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