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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on a date with a man i dont fancy?

103 replies

Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 09:40

I have a very specific ' type' I dont tend to fancy ( lookswise) many men. This may or may not be a contributing factor in my being single for an awfully long time.

Ive got talking to someone online, i like his personality, we have mutual friends, i do not fancy him at all from his pics. I know he has a good job/ is very financially stable.

Im thinking he might fall into the category of when someones personality makes them attractive. Im sure i fall into this category too :)

AIBU to meet him for a coffee date, knowing im not going to fancy him?

OP posts:

mrsjay · 21/02/2014 09:43

how do you know you are not going to fancy him speaking to somebody online is different from meeting them go for a coffee if there is no attraction their is no attraction looks fade lovey

Original poster

Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 09:46

Im 99.9999% sure i will not fancy him.

Thats not to say i wont like him, or enjoy his company. But i know i wont fancy him.

OP posts:

Birdo83 · 21/02/2014 09:47

Problem is the sex will be bad if you have no attraction to him... not saying sex is everything but it IS important!

mrsjay · 21/02/2014 09:47

well has he suggested it is a date or just meeting for a coffee, just go and see how it pans out you dont need to take it any further

shakinstevenslovechild · 21/02/2014 09:47

When I met dh he was not my.type at all, he couldn't have been further removed from what my usual type was actually.

We have been married for 15 years now.

Why not just go on the date with an open mind and stop thinking you won't fancy him. You might surprise yourself.

thenightsky · 21/02/2014 09:47

I once went out with what others would call a really ugly bloke. I just got on with his personality. My God though, he was good at sex. perhaps it was because he tried harder to please? I dunno.

I had to dump him in the end because once he realised just how sexy he really was, he turned into an enormous great cheat!

littlewhitebag · 21/02/2014 09:48

I don't think it would hurt to meet him for coffee. You never know he might be the man of your dreams! If he isn't you might still end up with a friend.

Original poster

Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 09:49

I married someone who wasnt my type, so im not really closed minded.

I just feel a bit of a fraud agreeing to a date when i know that side isnt going to be there for me.

OP posts:

Diamondsareagirls · 21/02/2014 09:50

The last wedding I went to over Christmas was for a very good friend of mine who I had to persuade to go on a first date with her now DH as she didn't think he was her 'type' and she would never fancy him.
Sometimes it doesn't hurt to go for someone a little different from your normal choice

Mollydoggerson · 21/02/2014 09:51

It's only coffee, go for it. What is the worst that can happen?

FoxesRevenge · 21/02/2014 09:52

I was fixed up by friends with a guy who was 'ok' looking. He wouldn't have turned my head in a bar but I was bored at the time and thought there would be no harm having a drink with him. He was the funniest guy ever, he kept me laughing non stop for the next 3.5 years.

I think you should definitely go.

WitchWay · 21/02/2014 09:53

Even if he just becomes a friend, there's no harm in meeting him.

mrsjay · 21/02/2014 09:53

why did you agree to the date then if you are not attracted to him is he right ugly and you dont want to be seen in public with him and you are now in a tizz about it

Original poster

Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 09:58

didnt say anything about not being seen in public with him.

He seems really keen, i like his personality, hes very solvent. Ive been single forever... thats why i agreed.

I just feel a bit like a fraud.

OP posts:

youmakemydreams · 21/02/2014 09:59

I met a guy while online dating that I didn't and still don't fancy but we get on great. We have become really good friends.

I also met do online dating and we were physically not each others type at all. Now I look at him walking around the house and drool. I think he is the hottest thing on 2 legs. I have also since discovered he does something weird to photographs. Can be looking at him thinking woohoo hot stuff hold the camera up and look at the screen and he totally stops looking like him. I have told him that photos make him look like a cheerful potato.
I have met men that can talk themselves good looking. That I have not been in the slightest attracted to them but by the time have god to know them find them soooo attractive. I don't think you can disregard someone not having met them.
met people

Monetbyhimself · 21/02/2014 10:01

You've been single forever. There's your answer

I really don't get this idea of having such a fixed idea of your 'type' .

VelmaD · 21/02/2014 10:03

Go, have a coffee, make a friend. But if you dont fancy him, be honest. Don't fall into the pushing it or trying to because you've been single for ages.

Original poster

Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 10:05

I wish i didnt have a ' type' I was always adamant that i didnt. Until recently when i went back through some old pictures and realised that anyone of any significance over the last 2 or so years looks scarily identical. Ive shown a few people who thought they WERE the same person. Its so stupid its laughable.
I basically date the same man over and over again.

Anyone that is outside of this type, i dont fancy. I might like them, i might grow to like them, i might get on with them. But i dont get that ' growl in the pit of your stomach because you fancy them so much' thing.

OP posts:

VelmaD · 21/02/2014 10:10

I tried to steer away from my "type" for years. Married someone who wasn't, though I did fancy him it faded fast, dated people who didn't quite fit as I thought I was being silly and fussy.

And then I met my boyfriend. Who I fancied from the word go, he is beautiful and exactly the guy I always always fancied.

So now i am a convert for going for the stomach flip guy.

mrsjay · 21/02/2014 10:12

didnt say anything about not being seen in public with him.

Please dont take me so serious i was teasing go meet the man and if you dont like him then you don't need to meet him again or you can just be friends what is the worst that can happen

ThursdayLast · 21/02/2014 10:15

So you've been with men of your 'type'.
Now you're single.
I'd take a punt on not-your-type. You might end up not-single

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/02/2014 10:16

A picture is quite different from a moving, talking man.

You never know.....

DarlingGrace · 21/02/2014 10:16

Why does it have to be a date, why cant it be two mates going out?

Pimpf · 21/02/2014 10:18

Well it's not working out so well with your type is it, you're still single! It's a coffee, no ones suggesting you marry the guy!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/02/2014 10:18

They aren't really mates though a they.
I think it would be naive to imagine that "coffee" would mean anything other than a date.
Doesn't have to go any further though.

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