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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a date with a man i dont fancy?

103 replies

Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 09:40

I have a very specific ' type' I dont tend to fancy ( lookswise) many men. This may or may not be a contributing factor in my being single for an awfully long time.

Ive got talking to someone online, i like his personality, we have mutual friends, i do not fancy him at all from his pics. I know he has a good job/ is very financially stable.

Im thinking he might fall into the category of when someones personality makes them attractive. Im sure i fall into this category too :)

AIBU to meet him for a coffee date, knowing im not going to fancy him?

OP posts:
MorningTimes · 21/02/2014 14:58

How can you tell if you will fancy someone from a photo?

Attraction is all about the way someone smells, the sound of their voice, the way they hold themselves, what it feels like they touch you & all the other things that make chemistry that you can you only experience in person.

Go on the date and see what happens!

GilmoursPillow · 21/02/2014 15:54

DH is not "my type". He's the last in a long line and the only one I married (and still going strong after quite a few years).
Sometimes it's good to do something someone different.

diabolo · 21/02/2014 16:11

I didn't really fancy DH when I first went out with him yet we've been together for 17 years now. I adore him and find him very attractive.

You've got nothing to lose, so give it a go and who knows what might happen.

Evie2014 · 21/02/2014 16:33

Another one who thought her now-DH wasn't her type! I "friend-zoned" him and he's never let me forget it.

Go. You might surprise yourself!

justiceofthePeas · 21/02/2014 16:37

Am

sadiekillmouski · 21/02/2014 16:41

It might be worth considering that you may not be his "type"...It's just coffee! Give it a go and see what happens...

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/02/2014 17:47

When is the date?
Would it be unreasonable to ask for an update?

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 18:49

Its not till thur, so you have a bit of a wait, but i will update.

OP posts:
landrover · 21/02/2014 19:01

Well!!! I think you talking of a 'type' is just ridiculous, you have never met him in the flesh, yet dismiss him off a photo as not your type! so that can only be looks!!! how daft is that?

landrover · 21/02/2014 19:03

Sorry to go on OP but I am really gobsmacked that you can know so much about a person from a snapshot that may or may not be a good likeness anyway!

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 19:04

Its not really daft though, is it. Most people have things they find physically attractive,no?

OP posts:
Thetallesttower · 21/02/2014 19:09

If you really want to find love, you do have to be a bit more open-minded. I would say my 'type' was dark, tall, handsome, well-built- who wouldn't? I have dated the odd blonde guy though, or a guy who was quite thin and another one who was really large. It's the sexual chemistry that matters and that can't really be determined through a screen.

If you are using 'type' as a proxy for other traits, that's a bit different. Some women always go for 'arty' types who look a certain way, lean, artistic, but then get cross when they conform to type and are troubled or have issues. I think it's worth pushing outside your box a bit, to see if they are an interesting and compatible person.

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 21/02/2014 19:10

We have swapped a few photos.... why is it so odd to have things im attracted to, or not?

It doesnt make the man, ive not only dated ' my type'

But i do know i dont get the whole wanting to jump his bones at the mere sight of yhrm... unless they are that type.

OP posts:
landrover · 21/02/2014 19:13

Sorry Needs, wasn't having a go, honest! Go with the flow, its only a coffee so nothing to lose anyway x

Back2Two · 21/02/2014 19:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

falulahthecat · 21/02/2014 20:47

youmakemydreams
I have also since discovered he does something weird to photographs. Can be looking at him thinking woohoo hot stuff hold the camera up and look at the screen and he totally stops looking like him. I have told him that photos make him look like a cheerful potato.

This is my DP!!!^ For a while I thought he was putting the creepy smile on..but nope!

TheRealAmandaClarke · 21/02/2014 23:47

Thanks. Smile
Enjoy your date.

Annakin31 · 22/02/2014 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missuswife · 22/02/2014 02:10

I met a man online who became my BFF and introduced me to my DH!

fivefourtime · 22/02/2014 03:01

Might be totally different in person. You might be swiftly seduced by his alluring musk.

I get the feeling that that last sentence put paid to the meeting happening at all.

FamiliesShareGerms · 22/02/2014 04:21

DH isn't my "type", I'm not his. Married for ten years now - sometimes there's more to a great relationship than if they look like Eddie Redmayne or Damien Lewis (who would absolutely be my type...) Grin

ItsNotATest · 22/02/2014 04:52

I think "type" is a bit misleading. Everyone has a type that they usually fancy. Tall, in my case, ironic given that I am quite short Confused.

But it's not that simple. I used to know someone, really not traditionally attractive, best described as "strawberry blond and interesting". Every female, literally every one, said they couldn't understand the attraction when they first met him. But by about 48hrs in, everyone was "yeah, sexy as fuck". He really had women falling at his feet. I still can't put my finger on exactly what it was, but he just had something.

Yes, you can have a type. But that doesn't mean you can't find someone who isn't that type attractive. I think you do have to find them sexually attractive though - ultimately that's the glue that keeps you together.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/02/2014 06:04

Of course,you still might not fancy him after the date.
But you never know....
Some of these recounts are soooo romantic btw.

Loopytiles · 22/02/2014 07:46

You mention you feel like a fraud / betraying feminist principles to meet up with him. Why is that? Those things are contradictory: the assumption that agreeing to meet a man means it's a statement that a woman fancies him and is "a fraud" to meet him if she doesn't isn't really pro-equality!

It's just meeting in RL to see if there's a spark.

Several of my colleagues who're "dating" do this sometimes, it has sometimes worked out well, otherwise everyone just moves on, no probs. a friend met her DP after she had one date with a friend of his, they got on but no spark, they had some mutual friends, later went to the same party where he introduced her to her DP!

Original poster
Needsmorecake · 22/02/2014 11:24

I felt a bit like i was just meeting him because he was interested and doign well for himself.

Not because i was all that interested.

However, now i shall not be meeting him at all, since i got a surprise cock pic sent last night, with a ton of smut.

OP posts: