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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mother was Completely Out Of Order Today

86 replies

mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 06:50

Revealed tonight by an upset DD: -
Today DD, age 6 (youngest in class) was eating her lunch in school gym with friends when the mother of boy (age 7 1/2) in her class came in, went up to DD's ear and said 'stop distracting ' (insert son's name) in class'. Her DS then came & stood next to his mother. My DD said 'I did not distract **' - mother then said 'I'm going to speak to your Mum about this'. DD said 'OK'.
General Background: My DD has been off school with a D&V bug for a week & was just back in class today. This woman is chair of the Parents Assoc. She ranted at the Head during a meeting I was at & said 'Bullsht' about a particular matter. Her son cries before school most mornings - I know he's having a hard time in class & in a reading support group. He has called my DD 'wierd' on a few occasions but my DD - just shrugged it off. Anyway - I'm actually furious, as is DH.
I feel like the mother should have spoken to the teacher if her son was 'distracted' in class. I speak to DD's teacher every day after school. She is new & very, very thorough, giving a detailed précis of every single occurrence in class re: work & behaviour. I've drafted an email to Teacher & Head but haven't pressed Send as I need to breathe first. What would you do???

OP posts:
redcaryellowcar · 12/02/2014 06:57

i would be furious,she shouldn't be able to hold a role in school with the access it seems to allow her to children to then behave like that. i think i would save the e mail memorizing salient points and go to speak to the head directly, i would then perhaps follow up with e mail after seeing ht?

BratinghamPalace · 12/02/2014 06:59

How did dd feel about the conversation, upset or matter of fact? That is important to know. That established, a quiet word with the teacher to see if it is true or not.
Following that a quiet word with the mother. Her reaction will help you decide how to go forward.
War or Peace!

DaddyPigsMistress · 12/02/2014 07:03

Its inappropriate.
She should of approached bthe teacher or you not a child

I'd press send

goshhhhhh · 12/02/2014 07:04

I'd talk to the head. It would be taken very seriously un our school.

Morgause · 12/02/2014 07:06

Dreadful behaviour. Speak to the head and insist that this woman is told she was out of order.

Feenie · 12/02/2014 07:07

She cannot be allowed to intimidate your dd - school will take a very dim view as she has massively overstepped the mark. Email the Head immediately.

brokenhearted55a · 12/02/2014 07:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinty64 · 12/02/2014 07:12

I would make sure you have the correct facts from DD and any witnesses if possible and go to see the teacher. I would mention the fact that this boy calls your daughter names at other times but that you have not done anything about it as your daughter has not been upset. Let her know she is upset now and you want it dealt with. As the teacher is young and new tell her you would be happy to discuss it with the head if she would prefer and that the head should be made aware of the incident but go through the teacher first.

Once you have discussed it and hopefully achieved your desired outcome e-mail the teacher and the head outlining your discussion and thanking them (paper trail at all times).

I would not, at any time, approach the other mother. This happened in school and should stay at school. If, as you say, she said "bullshit" to the head her cards will already be marked.

OwlCapone · 12/02/2014 07:14

I would talk to the teacher face to face first to check the facts and to raise your concern with her.

Jinty64 · 12/02/2014 07:16

I speak to DD's teacher every day after school

I missed that bit. I had to take time off work to go to an open afternoon just to get a look at ds's teacher. I have seen her 3 times in 6 months.

Is DD having other problems in school.

CocktailQueen · 12/02/2014 07:31

Why on earth do you speak to dd's teachers every day after school?? If the teacher had to do that for every parent she'd never get home! Shock

headlesslambrini · 12/02/2014 07:37

She was out of order and you need to leave it to the head to sort but i wouldnt be surprised if the other mum seeks you out on the playground this morning. If she does, smile and say that you have reported her behaviour to the head and will be asking for her to be banned from school property for agressive behaviour towards a child

Original poster
mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 07:44

Thanks All!

OK to answer some queries:

  • DD was indeed upset when she told me.
  • DD is not having any other problems in school. There are two quite wild boys in her class (not this one) who tease lots of the DC but teacher is onto them. We are in a teeeeny school & the teacher speaks to nearly every parent at pick-up time to say how their day went. It's the same in my DS's class - he's out before DD & his teacher tells me quickly how his day was - today was 'so-so'..!
  • Teacher is new to school but not young - OK younger than me Wink
but in her mid-30's
  • Teachers are not around at lunchtime - there are 2 lunchtime assistants & Head walks about chatting to pupils.
  • I believe DD - but will double check. She v v rarely fibs. But her brother tells WHOPPERS!!!
OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2014 08:01

Her behaviour, if reported accurately, is not appropriate, but does your DD distract her child in class?

rollonthesummer · 12/02/2014 08:04

You talk to the teacher every day after school? Can I ask why?! Does she talk to all the parents every day or are you particularly special?

Original poster
mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 08:09

arethereany:
Well, I am not in the class. Neither is the other mother.
As I mentioned, teacher speaks to me (& other parents) every day & I'm thinking she would mention it if DD were 'distracting' any other DC.
She's v big on age appropriate behaviour.

However if my DS came home & said he was distracted by a girl (or boy) in his class I would speak to teacher direct for help & ask DS to focus on his own work…

No details of the said method of 'distraction' were given by other mother.

OP posts:
Topaz25 · 12/02/2014 08:09

I would definitely address this with the school, she should have talked to the teacher not your DD if she was worried her son was being distracted.

Original poster
mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 08:14

rollonsummer: Yep I'm V Special Smile

Cutting & pasting from my post above - (maybe I x-posted!)

"We are in a teeeeny school & the teacher speaks to nearly every parent at pick-up time to say how their day went. It's the same in my DS's class - he's out before DD & his teacher tells me quickly how his day was - today was 'so-so'..!"

Actually, it's a lovely thing about this school...

OP posts:
whatever5 · 12/02/2014 08:16

I would talk to the teacher about the mother and perhaps the head.

I think that it was very very inappropriate for the boys mother to accost you child and I know that if this happened at my children's school they would have a word with the mother about it.

Original poster
mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 08:20

Just realised that there's a Children's Valentine 80's Dance Party fundraiser after school tomorrow that The Mother of The Distracted has organised in her capacity as a chair of Parents Assoc. Oh what fresh hell is this? Shock
DD was even talking about what leg warmers to wear Confused

OP posts:
MairzyDoats · 12/02/2014 08:21

Am astonished that this mother had access to your dd at school in the daytime, why is this allowed?

Original poster
mentaltodolist · 12/02/2014 08:25

Mairzy: I know! She's brings her son food in at lunchtime, also she lives 2 mins away & is Chair of the Parent Thingy - so not seen as an intruder / lunatic...

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 12/02/2014 08:43

Speak to the HT.

Very, very inappropriate.

eatmydust · 12/02/2014 08:44

It's not appropriate and neither is her access to the classroom during the day - irrespective of her being a PTA self appointed important person.

I would be inclined to speak to the school, rather than email. Maybe ask to speak to your DDs teacher privately when you collect DCs this afternoon.

CocktailQueen · 12/02/2014 09:02

Thanks for the explanation, OP.

I agree with others - totally inappropriate access to classroom, lunch hall and other dc!! I'd write to the HT expressing your concerns. paper trail!